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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think dh probably could have texted me earlier....

121 replies

Tory79 · 20/06/2014 19:16

Dh normally home from work about 545 if he's working locally. He works away a lot and is normally only home maybe 2 evenings a week so I look forward to eating together with ds etc.

This has happened a couple of times before, but again tonight I got a text about 540 to say sorry, his meeting had overrun and he would be leaving in about 15m.

It might just be me, but I generally think it's acceptable in a meeting that looks like it's going to overrun to say sorry, I just need to quickly let my wife know I'll be late back..... Isn't it? As it, I was expecting him home in a few minutes, dinner virtually cooked etc etc

I fully realise that these things happen and he can't help what happens in meetings so it's not that I'm annoyed he was late, but taking 30 seconds out to warn me in advance would seem reasonable to me?

(Ps he went to work in jeans and tshirt so it can't have been the worlds most important meeting either!)

OP posts:
Original poster
Tory79 · 20/06/2014 19:40

Just to clear something up, I am of course familiar with dhs meeting style, he DOES dress up for the more important meetings, whatever day they happen to fall on! But as I said in my previous message I am quite prepared to accept I'm being unreasonable, I've been a SAHM for a couple of years now so am a bit out of the meeting mentality.

(Having said that, I bet he found time to get a coffee in the meeting at some point!!)

Anyway, his food is fairly irrelevant as he is not bothered about eating with us anyway and I think really only does it to keep me happy - his food is leftover but he won't eat it as he doesn't need to now he's missed tea (if that makes sense) so it will mostly go to waste. Now THAT is irritating.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 20/06/2014 19:41

No I wouldn't expect the husband to text me in that instance. If he's going to be 6 hours late home yes, which has happened. I just expect him when he's back.

You don't interrupt a meeting to send the wife a text it's rude and unprofessional.

Reenskar · 20/06/2014 19:42

YABU

gamerchick · 20/06/2014 19:42

Yes not eating what I had cooked would be irritating.

NoodleOodle · 20/06/2014 19:43

IF there was a natural break in the meeting then yes, I would have expected him to call/text to let you know he'd be late, or if it started late and would therefore be obvious. If the meeting just ran over unexpectedly I would not expect him to have excused himself to message home about lateness, unless there were unusual circumstances at home like you were very pregnant or ill or something, and in that case I would have expected him to mention at the beginning of the meeting that he was expected home at a certain time and would need to message if the meeting were to overrun - this would be unusual so would need to come with a good reason, like being 40wks pregnant or something.

Original poster
Tory79 · 20/06/2014 19:44

Lol no, only 25 weeks here noodle Smile

OP posts:
Crazyblonde · 20/06/2014 19:47

Would it not help if you prepared dinner, and then he text you as he was leaving the office so that you then had half an hour or so to finish it off and get it ready - that way, food isn't being wasted and neither is your time. If DS gets worked up then a small snack to keep him going if eating as a family is important to you.

bloodyteenagers · 20/06/2014 19:50

If I text every time I was going to be late home, well, first it would look really unprofessional for me to do this. It would add time to the meeting, for me to nip out and do this. The person would also be wondering why I was text during an important meeting, and maybe it isn't really that important lol.

If my partner demanded that every time I was going to be late, no matter the time I would simply tell him to fuck himself, loosen up and stop being so controlling.

I use my judgement to say I will/might be late..

Original poster
Tory79 · 20/06/2014 19:56

Err ok bloody.... I think I'd be somewhat offended if dh responded like that, and I don't think I've said anywhere that I've demanded he does this, I was just looking for opinions on whether it was something people DO do, which it turns out it isn't, which is fine.

I think my view is probably tainted by the fact that he's never off his ruddy phone at home, constantly checking/sending emails etc, and I need to realise he probably doesn't do that in meetings!

OP posts:
Glitterfeet · 20/06/2014 20:00

Sorry in this instance yabu.

I've been in meetings that have over run and people have gone to make a call to their other half to make sure the other one can pick up a child instead of them. Not to say you'll be a bit late for dinner.

monkeyfacegrace · 20/06/2014 20:07

My DH works 9-6 apparently.

I can count on one hand the amount of times he has got home for 6.20pm.

He is usually between 6.30-9pm, depending on who he is dealing with.

He doesn't work for fun, he does it to keep a roof over our heads.

I have given up with meal times. His dinner gets put in the microwave and he re heats when he gets in.

Give your DH a break although as you are preggers you can do what you like Wink

Original poster
Tory79 · 20/06/2014 20:13

Also I should mention that I didn't have a go at him or anything! When he came in I said that I would have appreciated knowing earlier if possible, he just repeated he'd been in a meeting and then we got on with our evening Smile

I do think I'd be bothered less if he actually wanted to eat the dinner I made when he DID get in though!

OP posts:
GroupieGirl · 20/06/2014 20:22

I think you've been given a bit of a hard time, OP - if my husband knows I've planned dinner for the family (or vice versa for that matter), and is going to be 45 minutes late home, then yes, I would expect a quick message or call.

Rather than asking here, though, can't you just ask your husband whether he would be able to do that in future? Onlyhe knows whether it would appear unprofessional to nip out of that particular meeting for the minute or two it would have taken to send a message.

Shahsham · 20/06/2014 20:25

I often text in meetings but only ever to sort childcare (eg ask DH to do pick up or warn my parents Im running late - Im lucky they're flexible and dont mind me doing it as they know Ill make it up to them)

Occasionally I ll be in with some mega important people so wouldn't dare text but most people are understanding about the childcare element (if it means I stay in the meeting!) and its only if the meeting runs past 7pm which is already late.

I wouldnt bother for dinner. In fact both mine and DH hours are so unpredictable we never eat together (or even the same thing) in the week.

drivingmisslazy · 20/06/2014 20:26

It is frustrating, DH often leaves later than he planned, I would not expect him to leave a meeting or stop what he is doing if its important to text me as I know he will do it as soon as he can.

If the dinner is ready and he is not, then it goes in the oven or microwave.

So I think YAB a little U

drivingmisslazy · 20/06/2014 20:28

Although I must confess in the early days I did get annoyed, but after a few fights and a decade, it no longer bothers me.

Primadonnagirl · 20/06/2014 20:35

Jesus! That's a tight leash you've got him on! If I was him I would feel resentful that he needs to check in with you so soon..If I was in the meeting I would think he was very unprofessional regardless of his attire..You do realise you don't have to have a meal ready the minute he gets home don't you unless you are posting from the e1950s??!..Don't be offended..you did ask!!

Original poster
Tory79 · 20/06/2014 20:40

Groupie I have asked him before and he says he will try, but doesn't! Unfortunately he has a bit of form generally for not bothering to let me know stuff like this even when there is no reason he can't! (And I'm not asking for anything unreasonable, just to have a vague idea when he'll be home - this is on the nights I know he's not going to be back for dinner anyway)

And drivng I guess that's part of the problem - if I knew dh would text me as soon as he was able that would be one thing, but he frequently doesn't!

OP posts:
Original poster
Tory79 · 20/06/2014 20:42

Err he's not on a tight leash at all primadonna. Just because I ask him to try and let me know? It's not like I'm insisting he HAS to be back, now that would be a tight leash.

Dinner is on the table for ds' benefit, not dh's.

OP posts:
noneofyours · 20/06/2014 21:19

Why dont you save the rest for his lunch tomorrow if he's not up for eating at night OP? I make DH his dinner and if he's not hungry or doesn't eat it all, he often takes for lunch the next day instead. That way there's no waste.

Primadonnagirl · 20/06/2014 21:20

Told you you' d be offended!!

Original poster
Tory79 · 20/06/2014 21:22

It was toad in the hole none so probably wouldn't work for lunch Smile but he doesn't take stuff to work for lunch anyway! he prefers to buy sandwiches/go for a meal. I think he's just not in to food from home!! He'd ideally have a takeaway or go out every night as opposed to a home cooked dinner I think!

OP posts:
Ragwort · 20/06/2014 21:29

I used to make dinner for when it suited my husband and myself - not a young child, I don't get this obsession with focussing on a child's meal time. Not many adults really want to eat their evening meal at 5.45pm surely Hmm. We used to have our evening meal around 7.30pm and DS would have left overs from the night before Grin at 6ish - different now that he is a teenager of course. We ate together at weekends but it is just not always practicable to eat 'as a family' every night and I would much prefer to eat later with my DH and a few glasses of wine than have a 'nursery tea' just after 5pm.

Original poster
Tory79 · 20/06/2014 21:37

I like to eat with ds ragwort! I'd hate for him to eat alone all the time. I've got used to having my dinner earlier so it doesn't really bother me anymore. and it means I have room for some tasty snacks later on

Sometimes ds does eat alone if dh and I are going out or want a takeaway, but mostly I prefer to eat with him and keep him company.

OP posts:
fairylightsintheloft · 20/06/2014 21:41

Maybe he could have txted before the meeting to say there was a chance it would run late..that might have been a reasonable expectation. Used to wind me up when ex would text to say he was leaving (for a 60-90 min commute) at the time I expected him home and he could have txted but just didn't think of it.