To think that our children aren't safe in general and we need to be super vigilant ?

[cafebistro]

I don't think in being unreasonable or paranoid after today. My friend and I went into town on a shopping trip with our children. My dd is 4 years old and my friend dd is just a baby. We were walking through town and has to stop along with a crowd of other shoppers at a level crossing for a good 5 minutes. During this time I noticed a guy looking at my dd. No actually he was eyeing her up and down. I quietly said something to my friend and she said alarmed "he's leering at her". I kept her close , she was messing with her dress and I was frantically pulling it down. I kept checking and he was still doing it, staring. Anyway the level crossing was clear and we carried on walking into a shop. Then I noticed the guy had followed us in. A little while later I was looking at something on shelves and then quickly turned round and the guy was right behind me , he jumped as in shock and moved away.

I'm in shock. I know the guy didn't actually do anything but I think this is the first time I've ever felt that my child may have been under threat. I actually felt like saying to this man "what is your problem! If you come near my child again ...."

I honestly don't think I was being paranoid .

Ok then sillystring. Off you go to report.

It could be something, it could be nothing. DH was out relaxing in the park just idly sitting under a tree and watching some kids play because they were there while he happened to be sitting in the shade. Nothing malicious. Some guy came up and got confrontational demanding to know why he was looking at his kids. DH was confused, explained he was just relaxing, and then left shortly after. But he certainly isn't a pedo.

When I was pregnant DH was in customer service and got some weird looks from moms when he started smiling at their babies. He explained he was expecting a kid soon and was just seeing what it was like, after that the moms were quite friendly with him. But he tries not to look at kids now, even at a glance because he doesn't want to make mother's uncomfortable.

So, there's a good chance the guy was spacing out, or simply looking at your daughter and thinking of something else entirely.

This kind of shit is the reason that as a male, I wouldn't comfort a child if they've fallen over, start a conversation with a child or help a lost child find their parents.

It is sad as I really like kids, but the possibility of getting in the crosshairs of an angry and paranoid parent isn't worth risking. The original post and the people who have supported her make me think I am justified.

The way this thread has gone has depressed me no end. The 'if you think some thing is odd about this man, then he probably is' and 'trust your six sense on this one' bullshit leads to the kind of situation that Maryz describes of regarding any unaccompanied male as an 'evil pedow'

It is only a few steps removed from the vigilantes who firebomb houses and attack innocent people as there's 'no smoke without fire.'

I don't agree compos. Seeing as this is the first time she has felt like this in 9 years. Maybe, just maybe, there was something in that. As undoubtedly men would have looked at her children at some point in the past, and maybe even smiled at them at times. One time in 9 years and she thinks theres a problem on this occasion. This doesn't sound like an excessively paranoid person to me who thinks every man is out to get her child. Or isn't she allowed to say that she thought there was a problem this one time. For fear of offending every other single man who is decent?? Because its not really about every other male is it. Its about this one person who she encountered.

Even if this man was someone to worry about, for which there is no evidence, your daughter was with you at all times - she was in absolutely no danger.

And if someone stares at her fir five minutes then asking 'can I help you?' Is a quick and easy way to stop them. Often they'll simply be lost in thought and unaware they appear to be staring.

It its though because from this one dubiously dodgy experience in in 9 years to 'CHILDREN ARE IN DANGER GENERALLY AND WE NEED TO BE SUPER VIGILANT'

That was at Brian.

I'm with Rivercam. I'm very much not a nervy type, and certainly don't see perverts on every level crossing. (Well, I might for all I know I just don't assume child-starers are all weirdos. I stare at children.)

But the cops have told me, several times, it's better to report a suspicion than not to. Your 'sighting' just might be a link in a pattern of criminal behaviour. If it's nothing, meh, it's just another bit of white noise in the general flow.

This is why they set up 101!
My reports have helped to catch a mass rapist and a local burglar.

Also, though, OP, it is completely bonkers to go from "I might have just met a paedo" to "We must be always on our guard, etc, etc," as others have said.

Far more likely to be in danger from your father, brother, uncle or indeed anyone else she knows.

YABU.

Yep waffly, I think the op backed down from that one pretty quickly. Right on the second post. Here, in case you didn't notice it.
Er ok. I agree most people are uninterested in other peoples children.

So disappointed to see 'it's such a shame that decent ordinary blokes can't stare at kids/go to the park alone - because of these silly hysterical parents '

Victim blaming at it's finest. How about 'it's such a shame that ^a small but scary minority of men have cast suspicion on the rest of their sex by their evil and perverted actions'?

Yes, okay, it's disproportionately represented by the media, yes we shouldn't see a paedo on every corner, but that's not to say they don't exist. I know, from first hand experience. And that started with leering, lascivious looks too.

This kind of shit is the reason that as a male, I wouldn't comfort a child if they've fallen over, start a conversation with a child or help a lost child find their parents

I really do feel for men - one friend of mine was approached by a little boy in the gents who wanted help as could not get his flies undone, he did not help him, he legged it out of there. Another time DH was on the way home when the little 5yo girl from 2 doors up said "hello, mummy bought me new knickers today, LOOK!" and before he knew what was happening she had pulled her dress up to her chin to show him. Again easily misinterpreted when she goes home and says "I just showed x my new knickers"

But I also know of 2 Yr5/6boys from a local school were approached by a bloke saying lewd things in a public loo while on a school trip with the teacher stood outside CCTV later showed him to be a known offender.

I still say that if OP is genuine and an experienced mum and something about this man just did not feel right, then there is no harm in ringing the non emergency number for the police. My friends DH works in a CCTV control room and has a whole list of people to keep an eye out for! If its nothing there's no harm done, if he is known them it's a good thing if he gets a reminder that he's being kept an eye on.

But I also still say OPs DD was perfectly safe and unharmed by this. And that all men should not be viewed as a danger.

I get this a lot because my 2 year old DD is quite stunningly beautiful. I think the eye is drawn to people who are very attractive and also I find other children make a beeline for her. Elderly people in particular will often talk to her and touch her face. I have had one elderly gentleman pick her up to reach a book in the library and another who tried to give her a fiver for some sweets but I am pretty certain that his intentions were entirely honourable as he started telling me about how much he missed his great granddaughter who lived abroad. I think 99% of the time people are just being friendly.

Incidentally, I have got 2 friends (1 male, 1 female) who I've noticed often stare at children. He lost his 4 year old to cancer and I often see him staring longingly at other children the same sort of age and she has got severe infertility and would love a child of their own. Both would never harm any child.

Has there ever been a case where a small child was taken from their mother, in a busy shop, by a peodophile?

No doubt it everything.... Taken from mother indicates the child is grabbed/pulled away

Never heard of that happening

You are being a bit OTT OP. Most children come to harm from people they already know not strangers.

"Has there ever been a case where a small child was taken from their mother, in a busy shop, by a peodophile?"

Disclaimer: I am not ever in a general anxious state about such an occurrence and don't think it common enough to make generalisations about perma-danger, but...

I met a woman who had her dd snatched from under her nose.

She was in a shop which was part of an arcade leading to a train platform.

She had a baby in a buggy and her DS and DD walking alongside, holding on to the buggy as they had been taught.

In the shop her dd made a massive fuss about wanting sweets, she was resolute in saying 'no, no sweets, we are going home for lunch'

Walking to the barriers, she was distracted by the baby and stopped to deal with him. When she turned back her dd was nowhere to be seen.

Full scale alert - the shop she had been in and the station staff all looked and put out the alert.

After a terrifying time, the station staff told her they had found her dd.

A woman who had witnessed the firm 'no sweets' scene in the shop had been on the platform. As a train, not hers, was stopped on the platform she noticed that the child was on the train, with a man, and was eating a huge ice cream.

She leapt on to the train, put her foot in the door, said to the man 'excuse me is that your child?'. The man froze, she grabbed the child's hand and took her off the train...and unfortunately the train left (but they did get him later) because her first thought was to get the child back to her mother.

The OP did say in four years of parenting she's never experienced anything like this. She DEFINITELY will have seen men looking at her daughter, smiling, etc. People do that with DC when they think they're cute or funny or whatever.

But she said he was leering, looking her up and down. Now it's so hard to describe how someone is looking at someone else. But whatever he did it was enough for an otherwise non-paranoid mother to get a shock, be creeped out and it's clearly playing on her mind.

OP don't let this freak you out. You listened to your instinct and you'll continue to watch your DD when out and about and I'm sure you'll remember how "in general" our DC are safe.

And everyone who has called her "silly", "pathetic" and "paranoid" - shame on you. There's no need to be so bloody heavy handed.