To think that our children aren't safe in general and we need to be super vigilant ?

[cafebistro]

I don't think in being unreasonable or paranoid after today. My friend and I went into town on a shopping trip with our children. My dd is 4 years old and my friend dd is just a baby. We were walking through town and has to stop along with a crowd of other shoppers at a level crossing for a good 5 minutes. During this time I noticed a guy looking at my dd. No actually he was eyeing her up and down. I quietly said something to my friend and she said alarmed "he's leering at her". I kept her close , she was messing with her dress and I was frantically pulling it down. I kept checking and he was still doing it, staring. Anyway the level crossing was clear and we carried on walking into a shop. Then I noticed the guy had followed us in. A little while later I was looking at something on shelves and then quickly turned round and the guy was right behind me , he jumped as in shock and moved away.

I'm in shock. I know the guy didn't actually do anything but I think this is the first time I've ever felt that my child may have been under threat. I actually felt like saying to this man "what is your problem! If you come near my child again ...."

I honestly don't think I was being paranoid .

Where do you get "you'd swear from this thread that paedophiles were some sort of urban myth"? No one's said anything of the kind, the problem is the reverse, I'd swear from SOME of the replies that "ordinary guys were some kind of urban myth".

Would you have approached someone you didn't know and challenge them about staring at your child? No I didn't think so

Dont fill in my answers for me please.

Yes i would. I would ask if i knew him. "Do we know each other?" Offering him the opportunity to say why he was looking at my dc for 5 solid minutes. It doesnt need to be a confrontation.

But your dd was safe. You were taking care of her. She came to no harm. Even if this man was a danger to children and it is a big if, nothing happened. Generally I don't believe that children are targeted in shops and dragged from their mothers by paedophiles. The danger is more likely to be a person known to the parent.

Fine he made you feel on edge. We weren't there so we can't feel the feeling but probability dictates that your dd was safe.

Tbh I didn't want to speak to him. I don't speak to random
Old fellas on the street.

Not really sillystring. If this is the first time something like this has happened to the op in 9 years, then its fair to assume that she generally knows that ordinary guys are the norm, even if she is feeling a little freaked out right now.

You didn't want to speak to 'random fellas' but you didn't feel upset enough to do something about it. What's the point now?

The OP herself said it the guy wasn't "ordinary". She also posted in AIBU and said "I honestly don't think I was being paranoid". Well, some of us do and that's the nature of AIBU. However, we're told our posts are "meh" because we disagree and only the posts that concur with her assumption that the guy was probably a great danger to her DD are deemed "sensible".

No, our kids aren't unsafe in general but neither is it that terribly unlikely they won't have these brief encounters with predatory usually male offenders in their childhoods

The 'brief encounter' was someone looking at a child who was entirely oblivious (i hope op didnt make her dd aware of her panic) of the whole thing. NOTHING HAPPENED. Nor was anything going to happen because OP was in full control of her child in a very public place. My children could be 'experiencing' these types of 'encounters' every single day and it wont harm them one wee bit. Unless i started panicking every bloody time someone looked at them

Coffee tea - I've already said I have no intention of phoning police. Just sharing my experience but wish I hadn't bothered now.

Children, in general, have never been safer.
Perception of danger has never been greater.

Personally, I cannot bear to lead a life in fear.
The overwhelming majority of people have no interest in my children. I teach my children to not go with strangers and to be confident in telling a trusted person when they are uncomfortable in any situation. The vast majority of children who do get harmed by an adult, experience this from somebody they know.

It is actually far more important to teach them to trust their own instinct, to tell when they feel uncomfortable and to know that they have total say about what happens to their bodies, than to get them anxious about random old blokes in the street.

I am sure it was an uncomfortable encounter, OP, but that does not make your DD 'not safe'.

It wasn't really an "experience" though, was it? Some guy looked at your DD, your mate said he was "leering", you got paranoid and extrapolated that "our DCs aren't safe". I wish you hadn't bothered either.

The thing is OP, your thread is alarmist and unnecessary

Long story short, you passed a creepy guy in a street and then saw the same guy again in a shop.

I live in London...obviously a very busy place.

If I started a thread about every dodgy person I passed on a daily basis, MN would be full of 'We're all doomed' threads.

You had a gut feeling about him and that's fine...but to suggest that all our children aren't safe in general because of it, well that's the sort of thing that often gets people's backs up.

And yes I agree with Pacific

Children in general have never been safer. Just look at the amount of CCTV cameras that are around for a start.

Oh dear cafebistro, pot kettle. I've reported your nasty little post.

Yeah I agree cafe. Such unpleasant comments from sillystring such as You're ridiculous and Grow up.

Don't forget to report yourself at the same time sillystring

Good post sillylass.

Are you cafebistro's sockpuppet Brian? Mole's an appropriate name when you've burrowed so far up someone else's.....

You need to get more gobby.

"Excuse me, can I help you?"

"Are you lost?"

"Am I wearing something that belongs to you?"

Don,t let a creep intimidate you!I

Ok, I will.

Singlesuzie, have you ever been leered at? Or had someone flash you, or walk past you masturbating openly, or ring your house and mutter obscenities down the phone while clearly masturbating

Yes leered at, flashed at, jeered at, groped and raped. Nothing happened to OP's Dd today.