To think this is actually massively disrespectful?

[sweetlilacsinspring]

I had some thank you cards for gifts sent to dd when I had her (2 months ago They were on the kitchen table.

I came in this afternoon and DH had obviously been on the phone to somebody - scrawled over every single card were phone numbers and notes like 'Anne - Santander - 765432'

He is convinced he's not 'really' done anything wrong.

That's rubbish, and I suspect his reaction to you discovering this hasn't helped either...

Can he not just stick white labels on the envelopes where possible to re-write the addresses on and write out new envelopes where it isn't?

Once they are opened the cards are fine. Who keep an envelope? It's the card that matters.

I think the next time you take a phone message for him you might want to jot it down in nail varnish across his iPad screen.
Twunt.
U ok?

It's just the principle of it, of what I do not mattering. I don't doubt the cards can be salvaged but it's such a pain and I just feel like the message is, who cares, it's only HER stuff [sad-]

Send the lot! Just send them as they are, seriously.

"I just feel like the message is, who cares, it's only HER stuff"

That precise message is coming over loud and clear. That he's not acknowledged it and is minimising it is just another kick in the teeth.

I'd be having a very serious think about what all this really means.

Has he made any attempt to explain what his thought processes were? Even if he didn't turn them over to see the addresses and stamps, I just don't get how you'd decide that a neat pile of sealed envelopes must be scrap paper without at least making some effort to check. I know OP's explanation is that he just didn't care, but I'd be interested to know how he explains it.

I hope you're at least making him buy new cards and stamps, OP?

I'm also a bit concerned at OP saying "Why would he be sleep deprived?" Unless the baby is already sleeping through, you'd expect in the natural course of things that both parents would be sleep deprived to a greater or lesser degree - even if the baby's breast-fed. So does that mean he's leaving all the feeding, parenting, caring etc to the OP?

Well, she is breastfed but I'm a SAHM. I don't mind that so much, he does do very long shifts and works hard. I sleep in one room with dd, he sleeps elsewhere. So he isn't sleep deprived :)

I agree with you OP first of all I thought disrepctful was a bit OTT but later on reading further I understand better and totally agree. V upsetting. Trouble is what do you do now?

What was his reaction? I would be so tempted to post them exactly as they are... "What do you mean where are your notes? I only had a pile of cards there which are now in the post.."

I hope you're at least making him buy new cards and stamps

I don't get how this works tbh. He doesn't appreciate that he shouldn't scrawl on the envelopes. Why would he jump to it when OP demands he replace the cards?

Nice big white label over the back of the defaced envelopes. Sorted.

Well, the cards will be sorted.

Ah, just seen you said he doesn't think he's done anything wrong. I'd still just post them!

But again, OP, why is it only 'your stuff'? Why isn't he involved in the thank yous? They are cards in response to gifts for his daughter - he should be grateful, he should be doing some of the cards himself. Sounds like he's getting away with abdicating a lot of responsibility - and I can't believe it's accidental that he wrote on every single one of them.

Yes piddle. Good ispdea.
But I think he knows she knows iykwim.

The numbers he wrote down weren't that important, which makes the defacing of the cards all the more galling. But they are cards, I can sort, it's a pain to do them all again but this isn't about the cards really.

My Dad does this - and it drives me nuts. Just coz he doesn't care about 'things', he thinks he doesn't need to care about other people's things.
He has written phone numbers etc in the kid's books! Proper books!

Shout at him. That's what I do. (Does not work) Remove pens.

Who are they to? Agree possibly rewrite great aunt greta's. But his brother / best friend? Meh.

Mainly some old friends of mine. Neither of us have any family to speak of.

I agree its disrespectful of your stuff and it sounds like he has a bad attitude.

Can you salvage the stamps, since they haven't actually been used? Cut them off the envelopes. I know that is not really the point but at least save the money of buying more.

It's his money so I don't care about that since he ruined them :)

I just feel like the message is, who cares, it's only HER stuff

I think that is part of the message; the other part is quite calculated behaviour. If you complain, he'll just respond "oh, it was only a mistake", and make out you're over-reacting. It's emotional abuse. He's pissing on you.

I understand OP. It was a really unpleasant thing to do. It sounds pretty deliberate and designed to 'put you in your place'. In his mind, he is important, his needs are paramount, he can not possibly be expected to care about lesser mortals, their needs or wishes.

The fact that he sleeps in the spare room while you deal with the baby seems all part of the same attitude tbh.

It's his money There is no hope.

don't answer if you don't want to OP - but was the baby planned? was he excited and involved during the pregnancy? he doesn't appear to care very much for either of you from the evidence on this thread. I'm sorry to say that, but most resident new dads (as opposed to those who bugger off at the first sign of a blue line) are excited and besotted with their LO and proud of their OH.