To think this is actually massively disrespectful?

[sweetlilacsinspring]

I had some thank you cards for gifts sent to dd when I had her (2 months ago They were on the kitchen table.

I came in this afternoon and DH had obviously been on the phone to somebody - scrawled over every single card were phone numbers and notes like 'Anne - Santander - 765432'

He is convinced he's not 'really' done anything wrong.

[phantomnamechanger]

and this is how everything I do is treated

in which case you have serious problems and this is not just about the cards. what a dick he is to do this as some sort of power game.

how is he with the baby?

[Youdontdecide]

Of an adult who has the ability to check what he's doodling on?

He didn't show any ability

[RiverTam]

I don't think it's a huge deal, as long as he heads out and gets new cards and stamps. Bit dim of him, but massively disrespectful seems a tad excessive.

[VitoCorleone]

He wrote on all of them? My god id be fuming.

He owes you a book of stamps coz them things ain't cheap

[phantomnamechanger]

was he working from home or sorting household stuff when he did this?

I think either way the coded message is "what I do is important, you just fanny about wasting time writing cards"

In your shoes I would be seriously contemplating my future with this man.

Its actually amazing that you a) wanted to do thank yous (rare these days) and b)managed it by 2 months!

[Lovelydiscusfish]

I sometimes write on stuff I need by accident because I get flustered when on the phone. But writing on every single card seems ridiculous and spiteful. OP, it sounds like you are very unhappy with your dh at the moment - have you felt like this for a while? Is it worse since the birth of your child? Hope you are OK.

[BrunoBrookesDinedAlone]

You don't have to explain, OP.

I'm really sorry. If you seriously think that that's the level of respect and, well - affection, liking - he has for you - then it's shit, he's a shit, and I'm really sorry.

One bit of advice. Don't let anyone tell you that small things like this don't matter. It's the small things that sometimes tell you the biggest truths about relationships. Another thing. Don't think that because you find it difficult to articulate to someone else, it's not important/you're just being stupid/oversensitive/ooh look how silly you are, etc. It's not and you don't need to be able to 'explain' yourself to ANYONE else in order to validate the way you feel. Your feelings = damn well good enough, because the only person who has to live your life is YOU.

[Spinachfly]

Why would he be sleep deprived??? Because he has a new baby and he is pulling his weight. Isn't he?
I suggest the relationships board OP. Things do not sound good.

[fingersonbuzzers]

He did it on every single card? It sounds very purposeful to me. Are they covered all over, or has he just written one thing on each of them?

[casparthecat]

He sounds like a complete and utter moron. I would be very annoyed. He should be thankful that he is married to you and not me as he would have the imprint of my boot on his backside by now.

I would tell him to buy more envelopes and re-write them all. If he doesn't, I would send them as they are. If he doesn't care how you feel about all your hard work being defaced then I wouldn't care about letting his friends and family know what he's done and how he thinks this is okay.

I did have an XP who would do something like this and without doubt he had ishoos with regards to respect (especially for women). Thankfully, DH is a lamb in comparison and very well behaved.

[PecanNut]

YANBU. Was he like this before you had your baby?

[Karenthetoadslayer]

I get it. My exP used to put his coffee cup on my beloved diary using it as a coaster, leaving marks on it. He could have put the cup anywhere, on a piece of newspaper, even used a saucer, a coaster, but no, it had to be put on one of my books or my diary. just to show me he could just do that and I'd I dared to protest I was making a fuss about nothing!

[KoalaDownUnder]

I can't believe people are minimizing this.

You don't just pick up any random item that is not yours and use it as a scribble pad. WTF?? Anybody with half a brain and a modicum of respect for their partner can see this.

They were addressed in your handwriting and stamped, in nice envelopes, in a neat pile - if he'd taken 2 seconds to look and think, he'd have known not to use them as scrap.

Disrespectful fucker.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Every card is purposeful. I don't know how it couldn't be.

Not sleep deprived with a 2 month old is interesting. DO you have one of those mythical babies who slept through from birth?

[gingercat2]

Yes it is disrespectful.

The problem with asking him to redo it is that he won't, or will do it badly.

Does he need to refer back to the notes he made on the envelopes? If so, go and put them in the post straight away, as payback.

[DoJo]

He sounds thoughtless at best and wilfully spiteful at worst. Did he offer an explanation? Being a 'doodler' is no excuse for treating something that someone else has put time and care into like your own private scribble pad- that would fuck me right off and you shouldn't just accept it, especially if you know that he will make no effort to rectify his mistake.

[sweetlilacsinspring]

It's not that I think he did it on purpose purpose.

He just didn't care enough to even check.

[liquidstatehasrisenagain]

He is an idiot. I would be fuming, and yes it is disrespectful.

I assume some of the cards were for his friends and family as well.

[SpringyReframed]

Great post Koala, exactly what I was thinking as I read through the thread.

[Catmint]

sorry op I thought he would be sleep deprived because of the baby?

[hamptoncourt]

He sounds horrible.

I would tell him to re write them or fuck off.

[TheMasterNotMargarita]

He's a tube.
I'd be pretty cross.

[Wibblypiglikesbananas]

^
This. He sounds very manipulative and not very nice really. Surely if it was that urgent, like the reference number for some huge payment, one envelope back would have sufficed?

[karalime]

My mum used to do this all the time. She would just grab any old letter or card or photo, important or not, and scrawl on it when on the phone. She didn't do it maliciously but it really pissed me off because it's so thoughtless. It wasn't so much the thing that was ruined but the fact that it would never be her stuff, she would always have to fuck up someone elses stuff because she couldn't be bothered to glance at the bloody thing or find a notebook! If it was me I would think 'oh hang on she might need that' but no. Write it on your hand fgs or put it in a text but don't sent it if you really cannot find anything to write on!

Ahem. As you can see you are not alone.

[BlackeyedSusan]

if any of them are to his family I would send them anyway and let him lose the precious oh so precious phone numbers. write on the back that h wrote on them.