To think this is actually massively disrespectful?

[sweetlilacsinspring]

I had some thank you cards for gifts sent to dd when I had her (2 months ago They were on the kitchen table.

I came in this afternoon and DH had obviously been on the phone to somebody - scrawled over every single card were phone numbers and notes like 'Anne - Santander - 765432'

He is convinced he's not 'really' done anything wrong.

[fluffyraggies]

It WAS on purpose?!

Yes - disrespectful then.
on your behalf.

[Gwlondon]

I see. Not great. Sorry. He was out of line.

[CarmineRose1978]

If he did it deliberately, it was a TOTAL dick move. He should definitely buy, write, stamp and send the replacements.

[Catmint]

Hey, you both have a 2 month old baby. You're probably both short on sleep. Mistakes happen!

Just send them, it's the card that matters not the envelopes. Just write , ' oops, sorry!' On the back. Anyone ( reasonable ) who has had a baby will just smile and enjoy their card.

[Catmint]

Sorry, I missed your post about thinking he did it on purpose....how very odd.

[sweetlilacsinspring]

I don't think it was on purpose in the sense that he was deliberately trying to wind me up.

But I am positive he knew they were cards, he can't not have. And that is upsetting, that it's "oh yeah, my wife has written some cards but that doesn't really matter, I'll just treat it like scrap paper."

That's where my disrespectful bit came from.

[Helpys]

Do you really think he did it on purpose? That's scary.
If you've written the cards, it's not a big job to redo the envelopes. I'm not sure the stamps will come off intact though.
Never mind, it's his problem now!

[Lioninthesun]

Yes, I'd make him buy more (and stamps) and re-write every single one.
I bet he has terrible handwriting though

[sweetlilacsinspring]

he does :) and I'd never get him to do it!

[arethereanyleftatall]

Ah, completely different if he did it on purpose. That's not nice. Why would you do that to someone?
My initial yabu was based on my own loveable but fuckwitted dh who would do that without knowing, and my response would be to smile.
Totally different if he knew what he was doing. That's teally unkind.

[LoveSardines]

That is a really weird thing of him to do. Basically destroying work + money like that rather than rootling around / getting them to hold a mo while he got a bit of paper. And he wrote on more than one?

Honestly that is odd. I can't imagine anyone I know using an envelope which obviously contains something and is addressed and stamped ready for the post, as if it were scrap paper.

YANBU to be almightily fucked off. Has he said what he was thinking? DH does bizarre things sometimes and I ask WHY? for which he often has no answer. But even he wouldn't do that I don't think.

The fact he did it to all of them is odd too, why not just knacker one front and back rather than fuck them all up?

[VenusDeWillendorf]

Send them, and if anyone says anything you can point the finger and say, "it was 'im wot done it, and it's a fair cop Guv'nor"!

I think you need to chill out a bit actually. You're both new parents and a bit of give and take is needed if you're going to survive. Choose your battles.

Hope you get some sleep soon, you do sound tired and fed up OP.

Congratulations on your new babe, and new family life; hope your DH gets a grip!

[Dutch1e]

Are you certain it was deliberate?

I only ask as I'm possibly the world's only female mono-tasker and have scribbled on my birth certificate important things while on the phone. Some of us are truly not equipped to pay attention to anything else when we're concentrating.

[sweetlilacsinspring]

I can't see how he wouldn't have noticed as they were stacked in a neat pile, stamped, addressed and in cream envelopes.

I can't prove it of course but I do think there was an aspect of "who gives a shit it's only her stupid cards"

[Catmint]

Just thinking about some of the things we did in those sleep deprived first few months....really obvious stupid stuff. Eg throwing away our lovely cutlery on autopilot when scraping plates. ( we have had to replace with supermarket).

Cut him some slack.

[Canthisonebeused]

I do t understand, he took the cards out of the stamped addressed envelopes and then wrote on the cards? If this was a deliberate act then why?

If he absent mindedly wrote on the envelopes, then can't you just get him to re address and stamp new envelopes?

[sweetlilacsinspring]

He isn't sleep deprived, why would he be sleep deprived?

[sweetlilacsinspring]

No he wrote on the envelopes.

I just do not see how a table with nothing on it other than a neat stack of stamped and addressed cards in envelopes could be mistaken for a bit of scrap paper. Ok if there had been one card amongst a pile of crap maybe but there wasn't.

I'm upset because I have to buy more stamps and envelopes which isn't important but clearly DH felt my cards weren't important, they didn't matter at all and this is how everything I do is treated.

[Canthisonebeused]

Ah ok then it's not just about the cards is it! You need to talk to him about these things.

[sweetlilacsinspring]

Believe me there's no point. I just wish I could find the words to explain what it is with the cards, I know inside of me but can't articulate it.

[Canthisonebeused]

I think you need to do something though, if you are unhappy, how long can you go on like this? Maybe posting on the relationship board may be of some help.

[phantomnamechanger]

Do you have other issues with him being an arse or disrespectful/unhelpful in general, or is he otherwise an excellent specimen of a DH?

One stray doodle on one envelope I could excuse, and my DH would be mortified he had done it, spoiled something, made me more work when I already had a small baby etc etc.

You say he has done it on every single one how many is that then?

I cannot see why/how anyone would do this - had you previously had words about the cards, did he think they were old fashioned/unnecessary or something? Is he jealous of the baby/your time or something?

I really don't get this - a 5 year old would know not to scribble on these fgs!

[OrangeMochaFrappucino]

Why are they only your cards? Isn't he grateful for his daughter's gifts too? They're an equal responsibility. (DH and I not written ours for our two month old yet!)

Also, if he's written on every single one, how could that not be deliberate? In which case, yes it's massively disrespectful.

And why isn't he at all sleep deprived? There seems to be a lot more going on than just the cards. Hope you're ok, OP.

[Igggi]

So, what is he offering to do to sort this out? Try to stand firm and don't just do it all again yourself, that way martyrdom (and massive resentment) lies.
It's hard when someone seems com

[Igggi]

..completely thoughtless and ignores your effort. You have my sympathy.