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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel we aren't a proper family?

115 replies

Snowcherriesfromfrance · 17/06/2014 20:18

Because we only have one child?
Everywhere I look it's families with at least two, all the adverts on tv have at least two, all my friends have at least two.

We can't have any more and it constantly feels like someone is missing. We don't feel like a proper real family at all. When we take ds out I feel like people must be feeling sorry for us. There hardly seems any point doing stuff just the three of us.

OP posts:

FloozeyLoozey · 17/06/2014 20:20

There's only me and ds and we are a proper family. We do tons of stuff just the two of us. Give your head a wobble op.

Pipbin · 17/06/2014 20:21

There is only me, DH and the cat and we are a family.

msrisotto · 17/06/2014 20:21

Same as Pipbin! Me, DH & Cat = family.

chrome100 · 17/06/2014 20:21

YABU. Stop caring what people think. No one gives a shit whether you've got one kid or 10. If you feel like a family, you are one.

Objection · 17/06/2014 20:21

Wtf. Are you joking? How does only having one child not make you a "real" family?
It's just OH and I at the moment and I consider us a family.

No one in their right mind would look at a family and pity them because they only have one child.

Sorry to be harsh but I think you really need to get a grip.

sharingeverythingtwice · 17/06/2014 20:22

If you really feel that your ds son isn't enough to create a family and it's not worth doing anything with just him I feel truly sorry for him. It's one thing to morn not being able to have another child totally another to think of you existing ds as not good enough.

sharingeverythingtwice · 17/06/2014 20:22

Mourn

Paddingtonthebear · 17/06/2014 20:22

Um yeah, get a grip

SocialMediaAddict · 17/06/2014 20:22

I don't think anyone would notice on your days out there's only 3 of you let alone feel sorry for you.

Of course you are a family. Life's too short to have your thoughts.

Treeceratops · 17/06/2014 20:23

Seriously? We plan on having 2, but if DS turns out to be an only child, it wasn't meant to be. That will in no way stop us being a family. A family is who you say it is. Ignore the stupid adverts.

Glittery7 · 17/06/2014 20:24

Well I'll be honest. I didn't feel we were a "proper family" until we had DD2.
Maybe irrational, ridiculous and ungrateful but that's how I felt.

Original poster

Snowcherriesfromfrance · 17/06/2014 20:24

I suppose I sort of feel bad for ds. When we take him places there are always loads of siblings playing together and he's all on his own. He's still a bit little to ask friends along for big trips out or holidays but we will when he's a bit older.
It's like I look at these other families having fun and think 'poor ds, he's only got me and dh'

OP posts:

Original poster

Snowcherriesfromfrance · 17/06/2014 20:26

I feel our family is incomplete and hence not a 'proper family'.

OP posts:

teacher54321 · 17/06/2014 20:26

We are me, DH and DS. I don't know if we will have anymore children, but I love our little family. Yes DS doesn't have a sibling, but equally, you often see siblings fighting, don't you?! Things are not always rosy on the other side.

restandpeace · 17/06/2014 20:27

Of course your a family

Jinglebellsarecoming · 17/06/2014 20:28

A slightly different take as I have one DD, am unable to have anymore and wanted to have six or more kids. It didnot feel like MY real family for a long while. I think maybe you are putting your feelings onto others, TV etcetera.

A family isnot made by numbers but by love.

After a period of lots of different emotions ( feeling sorry for myself, anger, misery, acceptance) I totally feel like a real family with one DD, it's different from what I wanted but just as real.

Smartiepants79 · 17/06/2014 20:29

To me it sounds like the problem is not that you are not a 'proper' family but that you are not quite the family you hoped you would be.
Coming to terms with not being able to have any more children when you really want another one must be extremely difficult and takes time I would expect.
All I would say is, be careful that this doesn't prevent you from enjoying the family you've got. Don't look back in 5 years time and regret everything you missed or didn't do because you didn't think it was worth it at the time. Surely your DC deserves better than that.
When I see a one child family I don't feel sorry for them. I would. Just presume that they'd made a choice to have one child and that they were happy with their little family.

Objection · 17/06/2014 20:29

I feel sorry for your d's too but that's more to do with the fact his mother doesn't think he's enough to make a proper family.

Why not look at all the benefits of being an only child? More attention, more money spent on just him. No siblings to angst at.

I was an only child.up to age 12 and I really don't feel like I missed out on anything at all.
OH has always been an only child and feels the same.

Best friend however has three sisters and her childhood was fill with bitching, bullying, lack of attention, fighting and never having anything of her own.

lornemalvo · 17/06/2014 20:30

Be careful your son doesn't sense you don't feel like a 'proper family' as you are the only family he has and if you are not a 'proper family' how will he feel?

Original poster

Snowcherriesfromfrance · 17/06/2014 20:30

It's like when my friends talk about their dc and their families mines feels, I don't know, inferior I suppose. Not as important.

OP posts:

Booooooooooooooooooooooooo · 17/06/2014 20:30

Oh you poor thing. I'm not going to tell you YABU because you're entitled to feel sadness if you feel your family is incomplete. But, you do need to be careful that these feelings don't grow a life of their own and insert themselves into your family and spoil what you've got.

You do have a family, enjoy it.

If you really feel your family is incomplete would you consider fostering or adopting?

TheOneAndOnlyAlpha · 17/06/2014 20:30

Just the 3 of us, and ds will be an only child out of choice. We are a bloody awesome family!!! But then when it was just dh and me we were a bloody awesome family.

And I'm an only child and I have chosen my 'siblings' (aka friends). And I gave to say that family is more bloody awesome than most I know with blood siblings.

Yambabe · 17/06/2014 20:30

YABU, and projecting your own feelings of regret at not being abe to have any more dc onto other people. Who really don't care.

I do feel sorry for your current child if you are so obsessed with the thought of not having any more that you don't think it's worth bothering doing anything nice for the one you have though.

Paddingtonthebear · 17/06/2014 20:31

Really irritates me when people assume that children with siblings are somehow better off than "only" children. Have siblings doesn't mean you'll like each other, play with each other or enjoy your childhood !

TheBogQueen · 17/06/2014 20:31

I was an single child up til the age of eight and I never questioned it. I spent a lot of time occupying myself. I spent alot of time playing with friends.

I suppose I'm pretty self sufficient as an adult, like own company etc

There are many benefits to being a single child - your parents have timefor you, you have time to really develop interests, you are not constantly battling fir attention, solitude, quiet.

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