Oh fucking hell

[EleanorHandbasket]

The two and a half yr old keeps saying this.

I thought it was that when he said it (in context!) last night, but he's just said it again while looking for a toy.

'Wheres my train? Oh fucking hell, I've lost it'.

Oh fucking hell. What do I do, other than curb by potty mouth and try to ignore it?

i believe the correct lyrics for that should be:

War, fuck yeah
W'fuck is it good for?
fucksolutely nothing, oh hoh, oh
War fuck yeah
W'fuck is it good for?
Absolutely nothing, say it again y'all
War, fuck, good God
W'fuck is it good for?
fucksolutely nothing, listen to me cunts

I think Cuntychops would combust if he knew I had just SKIVED in work because I'm a lazy bastard labour voter for 10 mins howling with laughter at this thread. Oh well, not long now until my slicing is over & I can go home to swear at my kids.

My mum remembers me saying to a door to door salesman "no thanks, we're up to here with shite of our own" - I was about 5 and she couldnt even apologise as she was laughing so much.

OP - thank you so much for cuntychops!

nickel

I went to your shop a while ago. What happened?

And you could say material instead of fabric..

This reminds me a story my best friend told me about when she was 6 or 7, reading some graffiti on the bus stop, and pipes up "what's a wanker, daddy?" Quick as a flash, her DF says "it's someone who is good with their hands, dear"

My 3yo was playing with his toy steering wheel the other day, and suddenly stopped it to say "Oh, no, another bloody traffic jam, mummy" . I honestly don't swear at home but I obviously forget in the car.

I also find most inappropriate things funny. An email went round a friend's professional network from someone moving on. It had details of their date of leaving office, who the successor would be and them some bizarre self-congratulatory guff. Someone meant to email just one other person but replied to the whole network "can't wait until this pompous prick fucks off".

Years ago I took DD2 to school, she was in reception and she said "There's Rebecca, I don't like her, when she calls me a fucking bastard I call it her right back.

I couldn't get her in the classroom quick enough so that I could laugh.

We did have a chat about how it wasn't appropriate for little girls to say such things. My DD certainly never heard that at home, but one would assume the other child had heard it somewhere.

I am a teacher and I can tell you that teachers are really quite judgy about young children that swear which is why I am dreading ds going to school and repeating something really inappropriate

However this:
Ds marched into his childminder's aged 3 and responded to her "good morning" with "i'm a fucking rapper and i might kill you". Luckily she thought it was funny.

WT...um...F?

We had months of ds3 saying oh shit everyone he dropped something. I'm blaming the teenager for that one.

He has also been known to shout "look big cock" whenever he sees a clock.

I was picking up DH from the station one evening with an almost asleep DS2 in the car.

DH asked me how DS1 was. I replied that he was overtired, and wafting about like a you know what in the breeze....

Up pipes an angelic voice from the backseat... "Like a fart in the breeze mummy, that's what you meant?" Thinking he was being really helpful as I'd forgotten the word...

Had to look out the window and count to ten in a bid not to cry laughing.

At dinner with my parents my 4yr DD said something amusing and I said i'll have my hands full with her when she was older, my mum responded with 'yeah if she's anything like you, you will' DS (7) piped up with 'oh were you an arse too then mum?'

Not the same vein as toddlers repeating swears but it still made me choke on my steak.

Don't believe it OldViking, not for one minute.

It gets worse though... the 'amusing' thing that DD said, she pointed to the TV which was paused at the part in harry potter deathly hallows where harry and ron have just got out of the lake and are changing their tshirts and said 'this is my favourite part - because they're getting NAKED' (yes she did emphasise the word naked with an evil little grin and twinkle in her eye)

No idea where I got her from.

No idea where I got either of them from actually.

Anyway, what's that flag you've got?

Uruguay. It's a cool country.

Didn't they get beat by little old Costa Rica the other day?

Talisa, we'd been listening to Goldie Lookin Chain in the car. Totally inappropriate for a small child

DS1 (10, AS) gets very affronted if I inadvertently forget to skip this one if it comes on in the car (sensitive disposition warning)

TrueGent

I have honestly never heard my DM or my DGPs swear ever. I'm in my 30s and if I let slil a swear word in front of them I get told off.

I swear but was brought up not to. I'm afraid not swearing in front of your kids doesn't mean they won't. Once they get older and are exposed to more people they will encounter people Swearing and may or may not swear themselves. Telling your DCs to shut their fucking mouth and go to sleep you little bastards is very different to spilling hot coffe on yourself and muttering FFS. My DD 5 said cunt and piss off, both times telling me what someone had said to them not repeating me saying piss off and play out you little cunt.

I'm gutted that cuntychops killed this thread blatent attempt to revive thread so I can laugh at more sweary toddlers

TRUE, just so you know, from experience, your children will do lots of things you thought they never would.

Try not to be too disappointed!

I began to doubt the wisdom of agreeing to be the lookout for a lefty flyposting team, with toddler dd1 in tow in her buggy. For months afterwards she would react to police cars by saying "Better get moving, here come the bizzies"...

My children (9 and 7) know swear words, and that they aren't allowed to say them with me (i think their dad lets them)

Ds2 now has a habit of saying for eg, "x said the f word Mummy, I mean fuck by the way"
If I tell him off he says "i know I'm not allowed to say it, I'm just checking you know what I mean"