Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think she should have said something?

142 replies

janesxx · 14/06/2014 23:33

so I saw my friend in the street and stopped to talk briefly, while we were talking this little boy (about 5/6) came out of nowhere, ran up to my 1 year old son, grabbed his head with both hands and kissed him on the lips!!

I was totally in shock at the way he grabbed him, his mother then walked past and said "aw he loves babies" and carried on walking.. I wish I had have said something now.. AIBU to think she should have told him NOT to grab random babies and kiss them on the mouth!?

bearing in mind my son has an autoimmune diseases and is extremely vulnerable to getting ill off germs (he has to have everything sterilized still and therefore I dont even kiss him on the lips!)

OP posts:
DandyDelores · 15/06/2014 06:06

OP, YANBU. The mother really ought to have told her child not to do that.

Imsuchamess · 15/06/2014 08:27

Dd has asd she is likely to do this and is nearly 5. While I watch her closely she does escape I would get a high buggy op one that isn't close to the ground so your baby can't be grabbed by mucky children.

Imsuchamess · 15/06/2014 08:32

here I have this one and grabby mucky children cannot reach my dd no need to cover him.

QuizzicalCat · 15/06/2014 08:50

YAN

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/06/2014 08:51

Sebsmummy.

Noone has said most kids have SN.

People only ever say it when a child behaves in a way that is typical of SN.

Lack of social awareness and behaving inappropriately is a feature of ASD/LDs.

Although if child is 5 or 6 it could be either as they are young.

People are allowed to.mention that aspect.

So maybe it is not them who has chip on shoulder given the snippy tone of your post.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/06/2014 08:53

As for OP. Its hard that that would affect your son.

But you need to protect him if he is at risk.the mum didnt know that your son has this issue.

She just thought he had acted in a slightly daft soppy way.

Which wouldn't freak.most people out.

Although you obviously had reason to be concerned.

PitchSlapped · 15/06/2014 08:59

Thats aibu for you op all the twats come out to play. Are trollhunting rules suspended at night then laurie or are you just above them?

QuizzicalCat · 15/06/2014 09:00

Sorry, phone had a conniption.

YANBU op.

I wouldn't expect a random five year old to grab my child in her buggy and do that, and even though she is two I wouldn't expect my dd to do that to another child, let alone at five. If she did I would apologise and tell her not to do that.

Laurie has made a great show about how you, as a parent, are completely responsible because you know he is immuno compromised.

She also said she offers respite care to unpredictable children and to paraphrase, people should know children are unpredictable so shouldn't be shocked if things like this happen.

She made it sound like it was your fault for not predicting what an unpredictable child could do.

But that's NOT your responsibility, it's the responsibility of THEIR parent or care giver. It is down to them to assess the potential for behaviour in a situation and to attempt to mitigate it.

You can't tell other people they should have anticipated and planned for the behaviour of another, unknown, child. If you know your child is unpredictable then it's down to you to put safeguards in place. Not just say 'my child is unpredictable, YOU should cover yours up to avoid MY child's behaviour.

Um, no.

andsmile · 15/06/2014 09:02

YANBU given that you need to protect your DS from germs.

I quite protective bout personal space, I do kiss and hug people I know, so do my kids. I wouldnt be upset if someone kissed my toddler as such but rather they didn't really.

InspirationFailed · 15/06/2014 09:05

My 1 year old had a compromised immune system for a while a few months back (thankfully he is better now) and not once was I told to keep him covered whilst in the pushchair - I was told to be sensible, ie avoid very crowded places, soft play, people who were unwell etc.

I would've been shocked if a 5 year old had run over and grabbed my child's head and kissed him. I wouldn't have been angry, but definitely surprised. I would've hoped the mother would have explained to him that some little children might be upset and frightened because he was running very fast and asked him to walk over slowly next time. Not told him off as such, but just asked him to be calmer.

I don't know why the OP got lots of bitchy comments, totally unfair.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/06/2014 09:06

Some kids can suddenly act predictably no matter how much you are watching them.

Dd once just suddenly grabbed a womans boobs as we went past.

Which was embarrassing. Of course I grabbed her and apologised. (Yes DD has SN so cant really teach her not to in traditional way although we try)

So yes people should do their utmost to restrain their kids.

But sometimes they might break away. So I think rhe point laurie was making is that if it would be catastrophic for your child to be touched then you do need to try to protect against it because it may still happen even if parents try their best.

And also it may happen because some parents are slack.

I don't think she was victim blaming.

thegreylady · 15/06/2014 09:09

I understand why you are so concerned but wonder if you can still get those 'cat nets' which you stretch over a crib or pram to protect a baby from insects or cats. They are fine mesh so baby could see out and get all the fresh air but woould be shielded from random touches.

RachelWatts · 15/06/2014 09:15

Something similar happened to my DS1 when he was a toddler. He had a milk allergy - now grown out of - and the other child had fairly recently been drinking milk. We were so lucky he didn't have a severe reaction.

QuizzicalCat · 15/06/2014 09:23

I think she was Fanjo. I think she was troll hunting, victim blaming, bullying and downright offensive tbh.

Of course parents can't always prevent unpredictable behaviour, but they can't tell other people to prepare for it and blame THEIR preparation if they don't. That's just ridiculous.

Boob lady could no more have predicted that your child would grab her than you did, it's one of those things. And you apologised - which is the whole point of the op.

To put another spin on it, if Boob lady had recently had a lumpectomy and your child had hurt her would you have told her she should have considered that a random child might grab her breast so she should have worn a protective box over them?

Of course not. You would have apologised. But applying Laurie's twattish responses to the open to your situation, boob lady should know that kids are unpredictable, and you shouldn't be expected to apologise or tell your child grabbing random people isn't right.

I can't believe any of us would just say 'he loves boobs' and keep walking, because it's not on. Neither is grabbing a random child by the head and kissing them. Both require an apology at least. Or is a child's body and personal space more public than an adults?

LaurieFairyCake · 15/06/2014 09:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

HavanaSlife · 15/06/2014 09:28

My 3 year old knows not to run up to random babies and kiss them, if for some reason he did run up to someone elses baby and kissed them I would apologise and explain to him that we dont do it.

Ds4 is 16 months and would not be very happy if a strange child ran up to him, grabbed his head and kissed him

HavanaSlife · 15/06/2014 09:33

So go on then laurie tell us all how you know the op is a troll, its not like she has no posting history

freezation · 15/06/2014 09:33

Slightly off topic OP but if you did want a great sunshade for your pushchair then get this: www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B0081SIP0U/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1402821052&sr=8-1&pi=SY200_QL40
I got one for a holiday and it was invaluable. You shouldn't have to cover him up but if you did want to in the sun this works well and he can still see out.

LaurieFairyCake · 15/06/2014 09:38

havana - yes, it's been such an exciting week. From her dh leaving for cheating , to then deciding to stop contraception, to the new birth plan Wink

SinisterBuggyMonth · 15/06/2014 09:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sebsmummy1 · 15/06/2014 09:42

So assuming the five year old child who did the kissing did have SNs, would it still have been appropriate for the mother to laugh and say he loved babies? Or might the Mother have apologised anyway, particularly since I assume the OP probably looked bloody horrified?

sebsmummy1 · 15/06/2014 09:43

I thought troll hunting was against Mumsnet T&Cs?

LaurieFairyCake · 15/06/2014 09:44

It is and why I reported myself Grin

QuizzicalCat · 15/06/2014 09:51

Why not just report the op? Then IF you are right they would have been deleted and saved everyone's time.

Or was it more fun to stir things up for the sake of it? Oh wait... Isn't that what trolls do?

Not exactly covered yourself in glory really.

Bowlersarm · 15/06/2014 09:51

I don't see why posters who don't agree with the OP are getting such a hard time.

A 5 year old kissed a baby. It is only of any note whatsoever because the 1 year old has autoimmune diseases. It is important that the OP takes steps to protect her child.

Her gripe seems to be that the mother laughed it off. How do we know it wasn't out of embarrassment and that she had words with her child after the event?

Seems a lot of fuss about a cute action, and it is up to the OP to be aware of what is happening to her child.

Maybe now she'll be more alert to potential problems, which may actually be a good thing.