Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think she should have said something?

142 replies

janesxx · 14/06/2014 23:33

so I saw my friend in the street and stopped to talk briefly, while we were talking this little boy (about 5/6) came out of nowhere, ran up to my 1 year old son, grabbed his head with both hands and kissed him on the lips!!

I was totally in shock at the way he grabbed him, his mother then walked past and said "aw he loves babies" and carried on walking.. I wish I had have said something now.. AIBU to think she should have told him NOT to grab random babies and kiss them on the mouth!?

bearing in mind my son has an autoimmune diseases and is extremely vulnerable to getting ill off germs (he has to have everything sterilized still and therefore I dont even kiss him on the lips!)

OP posts:
Original poster
janesxx · 15/06/2014 01:24

but it doesnt say telling off does it. in my comments I stated she should have 'told him not to do that' that is all

OP posts:
Original poster
janesxx · 15/06/2014 01:24

yes that isnt telling off..

OP posts:
MrsKCastle · 15/06/2014 01:25

X-post.

Right- so the OP's child should be kept under plastic? No matter how well vented the cover might be, they're not designed for sunny days!

I know this thread is fast deteriorating but I still can't help but agree with the first post- the other mum should have said something to her child about his inappropriate behaviour. Or at least apologized to the OP.

BrianTheMole · 15/06/2014 01:28

I don't think a clear rain cover would be a great idea in this heat Confused. Although actually op, I did have a mosquito cover when dc where babies. It was passed on to me and it was made of white net, like a net curtain, with elastic all the way round the edges. It was probably home made, but it was lovely for hot days anyway. It would be very easy to make.

MrsKCastle · 15/06/2014 01:28

LaurieFairyCake If you were the other mum, how would you have reacted to your child's behaviour- grabbing and kissing a strange (and much younger) child?

LaurieFairyCake · 15/06/2014 01:29

And as lots of people have said:

It's a random event

The other child may have sen

We have no idea what she said to the unpredictable 5 year old afterwards

That it's an overreaction to be shocked as sometimes other small children kiss other small children

And that given that small children are unpredictable if your kid is ill then you have to take precautions yourself as unpredictable things happen

BrianTheMole · 15/06/2014 01:30

Well Laurie, if my 4 or 6 yr old had done that, actually I would have told them off. Not in a shouty way, but definitely not to do that without asking first.

Original poster
janesxx · 15/06/2014 01:31

shocked at the way he ran up and grabbed his head and pulled him like I said earlier.. and like I also said the mother practically praised him for doing it

OP posts:
BrianTheMole · 15/06/2014 01:32

Small children do kiss other children, mine cuddle their friends all the time. But going up to a pram with a baby they don't even know in it? They don't do that. Most don't.

LaurieFairyCake · 15/06/2014 01:33

I would likely have apologised and explained - but that's because I provide respite to unpredictable children

What I wouldn't do is take an immuno compromised child out without a cover (and a mosquito type voile is a great idea) and expect the world to notice the child has additional needs - the baby being touched by strangers and other children is a completely normal event.

MrsKCastle · 15/06/2014 01:33

As would I Brian- I find it hard to imagine a parent not immediately saying something along the lines of 'we don't kiss people we don't know'. Of course they couldn't have known about the illness, but it's something that anyone would want to discourage- wouldn't they?

LaurieFairyCake · 15/06/2014 01:34

Once again I cross posted - I was typing my response before I saw your question

Original poster
janesxx · 15/06/2014 01:35

I dont expect the world to notice, he is just an example why kids should kiss random babies ...or their parents should tell them not to

OP posts:
BrianTheMole · 15/06/2014 01:38

So Laurie, I have no idea how old your dc are, or even if you have any, but assuming you do. Would you let your 5 yr old run up to a strangers buggy and do that, and not even say to them that they shouldn't do that? Which is the point the op is making really.

BrianTheMole · 15/06/2014 01:39

Oh ok, see you have actually said you would. So ignore that.

Original poster
janesxx · 15/06/2014 01:41

exactly that was what the original post was abou and ive got you criticizing my parenting. .. tbh youve avoided what the whole post was actually about and picked on everything else

OP posts:
BrianTheMole · 15/06/2014 01:50

Thats the beauty of MN op. Rarely a thread goes smoothly with people just answering the original post. Grin

kali110 · 15/06/2014 02:09

Clearly op your child should always be under a cover even when the weather is lovely. Its all your fault ??

differentnameforthis · 15/06/2014 03:01

Wow, let's all pile in & have a go at a mum who is concerned about an incident regarding her immune compromised son!

No, it wasn't a huge deal, but that doesn't mean we need to take the tone that some of you have.

OP, chances are your little one will be fine. It's not ideal, but some mums don't see anything wrong with what that little boy did, because some mums don't have to contend with medically compromised children! It just doesn't occur to them that it is anything but cute that their little kid likes to kiss babies.

The chances are that he is in no more danger of catching anything from that little lad. Illness is a risk we take everyday, just sharing space with someone who has a cold can lead to us getting one.

I bet this doesn't happen again, so you won't need to take steps to prevent it happening again. BUT if you do see it could be likely to happen, just step in front of your son & say that he is poorly, so it isn't a good idea.

I am sorry you have had such a hard time here. MN isn't always that great, unfortunately!

differentnameforthis · 15/06/2014 03:17

Yeah well sounds like a lie when you go on about expecting 5 year olds to be told off rather than taking any precautions whatsoever and standing there 'in shock' when your child was kissed by another child

Why are we blaming the op for this? My daughter is 5. She knows you don't run up to random people/babies/toddlers/dogs & grab them.

At 5 children are in school & able to follow basic instruction & remember that. If the child in question isn't able to restrain itself for any reason, then the parent needs to stop their child doing what this kid did. The simple fact is that we don't know who is sick & who isn't, who has allergies & who doesn't [for all we know the child could have a severe allergy & the older child could have had this allergen all over his hands] and it isn't acceptable to grab at a random baby because 'awww, he loves babies' . Hey, so do I..does that give me the right to kiss a strangers baby? No, in fact I would expect a parent to be pretty pissed off if I did so, so why not in this case?

What if it was a slap or a thump? Would it still be op's fault? No, it would be the child's & it's parents.

A clear rain cover over a buggy is the best thing - you get ones with vents for cooling Which are CRAP in the heat! And the cooling vents don't work in the winter, let alone the summer!

Op, if you really do want to get something (you shouldn't have to) you can get shade sheets for a buggy that fit like rain covers, only are much better for summer.

differentnameforthis · 15/06/2014 03:18

In your title you expected her to have said something ie. telling off

It is perfectly possible to tell your child not to do something without telling them off.

CheerfulYank · 15/06/2014 03:35

My son is almost seven and I'd have been shocked if he'd done this at five.

I would have said "Oh, I'm sorry" and told my DS "It's nice that you like the baby but we don't kiss people we don't know."

humblebumble · 15/06/2014 04:28

My DS is 4.5 he is extremely over loving and touchy and he does kiss children (in fact he did it today to a 1 year old and the parents thought it was really cute). I apologized to the parents (and child) and explained to my DS that he should keep his hands/lips to himself and that it wasn't appropriate to kiss someone he doesn't know with out asking. He does have some SN however that doesn't mean that it's okay for him not to have boundaries explained to him. He also looks like he is 6 or 7 so people expect more from him.

I did this without knowing whether the other child had an immune deficiency and I also explained this to my DS with out it being a big display in front of the other parents.

I think you are overreacting because of your fears for your child. You have the right to vent on an internet forum, however, don't expect everyone to agree with you. You also do not know what was said to the child after they went past you, perhaps she explained it to her child out of ear shot.

drivenfromdistraction · 15/06/2014 04:59

Yanbuby OP and some posters on this thread are very nasty.

sebsmummy1 · 15/06/2014 05:33

Bloody hell this thread reads like an episode of Big Brother. The OP writes something entirely reasonable and gets accused of trolling and has her parenting ripped apart.

I agree that if my son approached a baby and grabbed hold of it's face to plant a big kiss on it's lips I would apologise to the Mum and tell my child that wasn't appropriate as the baby was very little. But then I haven't got a huge chip on my shoulder about council estates or most children having special needs, hence why I'm able to post like a normal, rational being on this thread.