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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

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115 replies

HarrisonsMammy · 13/06/2014 21:16

Am I being unreasonable? DP say he will leave if I get an account I haven't had one for almost a year and all my family well most are living away from me so I hardly see them we have an 12 week old and he will leave if I get one?

OP posts:
LuisSuarezTeeth · 13/06/2014 21:34

Sorry to ask again OP - but how are YOU feeling today?

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 13/06/2014 21:34

Oh god get rid of him. He's controlling OP, and that's a really bad thing, for you and your baby.

He's trying to isolate you from your family and the world.

Original poster
HarrisonsMammy · 13/06/2014 21:34

And to add to someone's comment is there trust issues he doesn't trust me because of the things he's done to me, he think i will do it back x

OP posts:
LuisSuarezTeeth · 13/06/2014 21:35

CoffeeTea how helpful Hmm

EBearhug · 13/06/2014 21:35

Open the account. If he leaves, he'll be doing you a favour.

Original poster
HarrisonsMammy · 13/06/2014 21:36

I didn't intend to have a baby I was on the pill, and just generally down in myself!

OP posts:
LuisSuarezTeeth · 13/06/2014 21:37

What's your living situation - do you share a home together?

Original poster
HarrisonsMammy · 13/06/2014 21:38

Yeah we do and most of the stuff in it is his apart from baby stuff!

OP posts:
EnidB · 13/06/2014 21:38

Good grief, is this really how you want to live your life and have this man affect your baby/toddler/young child in years to come. Surely you know it is only going to get worse. Go to your mum, ask for someone for help. You have a baby that needs you - he doesn't

CrapBag · 13/06/2014 21:38

So he has cheated on you and thinks you will do the same?

He sounds a right charmer and dangerous.

Please please get away from him. It will be hard but in time you will look back and thank your lucky stars that you did it.

I see a lot on here about womens aid. Can you contact them? This is abusive behaviour. He should not have this much control over you and his happiness should not depend on whether you are playing by his rules. Your child should also not grow up thinking this is a normal relationship.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 13/06/2014 21:39

Of course everything is ok if you're doing what he wants, it's part of the control. As soon as you're not, he's not controlling the situation anymore.

So he's done things in the past and is now taking it out on you by not trusting you?

You've got every right to see your family and friends and wear what you like, have Facebook, whatever. Can you see how awful this behaviour is?

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 13/06/2014 21:40

Also, do you want your DS to grow up thinking this is how to treat women?

PickledinGin · 13/06/2014 21:40

Get out while you still can. This man does not love you. You are not his property. He has no respect for you and if you continue to let this happen you will eventually have no respect for yourself. Also, think about what you child will learn about relationships.

I know it's hard. Believe me I have been there when I was a similar age to you. My ex was also having an affair (this may explain why he was so jealous and controlling)

Original poster
HarrisonsMammy · 13/06/2014 21:41

My mum has tried to help but I keep pushing her away for him I don't know why I guess it's the control and yes he cheated when I was 20 weeks pregnant with his ex but he promised me it was a mistake and wouldn't ever do it again!

OP posts:
LuisSuarezTeeth · 13/06/2014 21:44

Oh dear, what everyone is saying is right. You need to be away from him Sad

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 13/06/2014 21:45

Of course he said that. Poor love. I bet it 'just happened. He was probably drunk right?

You need to listen to your mum OP, don't push her away, take your baby and go stay with her and leave the controlling cheating tosser.

Things will not get better. Once he's isolated you then the abuse could get far worse, especially now you have a baby. Think about you and your baby.

Original poster
HarrisonsMammy · 13/06/2014 21:46

I tried leaving last night but I just ended up straight back I guess I'm just scared of being on my own and the fact that I have a child with him doesn't help I keep thinking I can change him every time we argue he say he will change and he does for about a week and then it gets worse every time

OP posts:
gamerchick · 13/06/2014 21:46

Take it from somebody who's long in the tooth with a daughter not much older than you.. life is far too short, go back to your mother with your baby and live your life.

These kind of men just grind you down and make you miserable.. its not worth it. You'll give the best years of your life to this person and end up in your 30s wondering what the hell happened.

Original poster
HarrisonsMammy · 13/06/2014 21:48

He didn't even say he was drunk just said it was a mistake but he wouldn't of told me of I didn't find a picture of them together with his top of on his phone (he forgot to delete it) then he turned it round on me saying it was my fault for leaving

OP posts:
Pobblewhohasnotoes · 13/06/2014 21:49

Being on your own, and you won't be as you have your mum, is far better than being in an abusive relationship.

Think about the effect this will have on your child as he grows up. What sort of role model do you want for him?

Of course he promises to change, it's easy to say and it keeps you hanging on. Why would he change? He has no reason to.

People don't change OP, and you can't change him.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 13/06/2014 21:51

So it's your fault he cheated too? Did you push him on top of her? No.

Original poster
HarrisonsMammy · 13/06/2014 21:55

It just hurts to leave him I will hate seeing him with someone else I know he will move on straight away as he got with me a week after his ex, I thought he was genuine though as he told me he hadn't had feeling for her for a long time!

OP posts:
Pimpf · 13/06/2014 21:56

He will never change. Get out now whilst you can

cerealqueen · 13/06/2014 21:57

Does he have one?

Original poster
HarrisonsMammy · 13/06/2014 21:58

No he doesn't not that I know of anyway

OP posts:
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