My doctor told me to have sex!

[AngryBeaver]

I have a 5 week old baby.

Her: "have you had sex yet?"
Me: no?!
Her: "Well, you'd better get on with it. Use it or lose it"

Wibu to chin her one?

MrsK, would you be able to find out who she was or even make a general complaint, mentioning dates (or near enough dates) so that they can have a discussion with the doctors. If you described her and the time it happened she'd probably be easy enough to identify. It might make you feel better if you went back to complain?

I've been prescribed the numbing stuff (think was called emla) before for a thrush-type problem that made sex painful. The irritation it caused was worse than the pain.
Get your dp to use it on his hand instead.

I tried to put the entire birth/post birth out of my head as it was just one horrific experience after another. But now i'm pregnant again it's all coming back to me and i actually gasp and feel breathless/anxious when i think about it all. My notes have been requested for prep for this birth and i must say i am tempted to catalogue everything that happened (including this shitty appointment) and complain to MK PCT (do they still have PCTs?).

Sorry for the Me-railment OP. i just hate this type of thing and thinking about it is making me angry again.

I don't remember being asked if I was having sex at the 6 week check (although perhaps the fact I practically crawled in on my hands and knees stopped them?) I certainly was not told to have sex - I would remember that!

However something must have come up as I do remember them saying I couldn't go back on my old pill while breast feeding so I got a different pill - but that's because I have horrible periods, not because I wanted sex.

I would complain - it's putting a lot of pressure on women to "put up with the pain" - looking after a young baby is enough. I would have changed my doctor (after DH had decked them of course).

We never got the prescription Iggi - just the thought of it made me feel sore and a bit soiled (and DH would never have agreed either - it made him feel really sad actually).

I'm speechless that doctors actually say these kind of things, wtf?! Seriously? Unprofessional to say the least.

I didn't have sex for a few months after my c section, when going to have the coil fitted the Dr asked me what contraception I'd been using til then, and I (joking, but truthfully) said "abstinence". She looked at me like I was totally mental, and I though that was odd.

Do be angry, you have every right to be. That's a really horrible horrible thing to say to someone and you should feel totally justified in complaining.

Miggsie contraception is normal to discuss during the 6 week check. (for women anyway, they don't call men in to discuss it ) Actually thinking about it, I'm not sure I had any exams or anything it's always been to discuss contraception. Maybe they should call both parties in?

The use it or lose it comment made me think she was talking about your DH. If you don't give him sex don't expect him to hang around bullshit.

I think use it or lose it is a common phrase people use (a stupid common phrase mind you)... that you will lose libido or something..

ALthough forcing yourself to have painful scary sex does wonders for the libido.

MrsKoala pcts have been replaced by CCGs for about a year now for secondary healthcare (and I'm fairly sure that covers maternity care)

I vaguely remember the antenatel class midwife suggesting that it was a good idea to give sex a go if you felt up for it, simply to check for problems you could then flag up at the 6 week check.

I was still pissing blood at 6 weeks!

Wow. Nobody - Drs, Nurses, Midwife, Health Visitor - at any stage of my post-natal care asked if I'd had sex yet. It certainly wasn't a 'thing' in my NCT group, I had no idea you were "meant" to have it! As it was, I'd had an ECS so was in no mood at all for sex at that stage.

Complain, OP.

Mrs Koala, that sounds appalling. Hope this pregnancy goes much better.

Wouldn't their likely be far fewer problems if women waited until they wanted to have sex and their body said it was a good idea, and if something went wrong book an appt?

A few odd things were said tbh, she said "aren't you beautiful?!" And I assumed she was talking to dd and she said "oh no, I mean you" ummm, ok, thanks?

And she asked to see "my boobs".
I don't think I've ever had to show them at a 6 week check before?

When she was doing the postnatal questionarre, she asked me several times if I was at risk of abuse!
As if she thought I would admit it if there was a big silence after I answered!

Mrs k...your experience was just awful

I waited about a week and half after dc1, couple of weeks after dc2 and 8 weeks after dc3 (the ten pounder ) but I have had really straightforward no intervention no stitch births (realise I was really lucky).. if anything I got looks when I have said that ... so I don't usually like to mention it when the subject has come up.

But each time I waited until I was ready and everything went fine. There is no magic date when every woman should be jumping on her husband after a baby, and if there were a magic date it shouldn't be the date when a woman thinks her husband might leave her if she doesn't!

MrsJoe, you were supposed to be numbing up by 6 weeks?! Who are these men the doctors are so worried about that demand sex from someone who just made a human?

That's all a bit strange angry, I think they checked my breasts after first dc...but now I'm not sure.. but definitely didn't do it with dc 3. (dc2 was a different country). As foor saying "Boobs" it's unprofessional, but I've noticed a lot of midwives say it.. think it's to make you more comfortable so I don't worry about it...not had a doc say it though

I think part of it stems from the risk that the woman won't feel like it for many months and a problem it might have flagged doesn't get treated until it may have got worse. Also, she might not feel like it because of a fixable problem.

That's not to say women should have sex if they don't want to but we do need to see how things are working. If you're receiving no medical care (ie. due to an identified problem) and you don't want to have sex then you should still do... um... a little investigative DIY surely?

That possible sounds awful, I hope people can see what I'm trying to say!

Oh god, investigative DIY is the worst..have you felt yourself down there after birth? I thought my innards were falling out. I went screaming to DH that my vagina was broken...

I see your point, but I do wonder if there is a risk of doing more damage than not too. If you already have stitches that are too tight or something like that.. you need to be quite relaxed and if you feel pressure to do something before you are ready...it's bound to be painful at best and risky at worst.

Gosh I am shocked at some of the things that have happened to all of you. I'm obviously lucky. Angry - I think this doctor should be reported. Her behaviour and comments were inappropriate. I had a badly stitched episiotomy and could not have enjoyable sex for about 5 years.

OP you need to change GP!

I was over 10 weeks with DC1, 8 weeks with DC2 and 1 week with DC3. Can you tell DC3 was the only tear free birth!

God, DD is almost one and we've managed it twice - and the first time was 10 months after her birth! I think that's pretty normal. We literally don't have the opportunity ever! I'm appalled at the things OP and MrsKoala have been told.

My doctor said similar! I thought it was funny...

My gp did check my breasts each time at the six week check to make sure I had no signs of cracked nipples or mastitis or anything.