My doctor told me to have sex!

[AngryBeaver]

I have a 5 week old baby.

Her: "have you had sex yet?"
Me: no?!
Her: "Well, you'd better get on with it. Use it or lose it"

Wibu to chin her one?

[OutsSelf]

Rainbow, why would you force yourself to try to have sex for an arbitrary deadline so the doctor could afterwards tell you what you can already tell, what with having a nervous system directly connected to the vagina in question? Why not, I dunno, wait til you felt like having sex? And I dunno, trust that you are mentally equipped to be in charge of your own fucking vagina and can seek medical advice if and when that becomes necessary because you'd, say, tried to have piv sex and felt discomfort?

The line that you have to try to have piv sex in order that your doctor can testify to your vaginal health six weeks after birth is dehumanizing. Why do I owe the doctor my bodily integrity?

[AndHarry]

YANBU, the whole appointment sounds bizarre. I've had 2 kids and no one has ever been interested in my sex life afterwards.

MrsK near my due date I went shopping for baby things in MK with my mum, who was instructed that if anything happened she was to put me in the car & drive as fast as possible to the Luton & Dunstable hospital and not under any circumstances take to to the MK one! The maternity care there was notoriously bad even 5 years ago. If you feel up to it, please complain.

[OutsSelf]

God, it's depressing reading this thread, all these doctors making sure that women still function for the patriarchy.

[MrsKoala]

Steff - at the time i thought it was a 'joke' but then mentioned it to a couple of MW i knew and they said it used to be quite common for the obstetrician/surgeon to do this as a 'treat for the DH'.

I have never heard of air blowing into the vagina before

[MildDrPepperAddiction]

MrsKoala that's terrible! You sound like you have a lovely DH. Shame you didn't have a lovely doctor.

[smogsville]

This is v odd. I thought you were meant to wait?! My doc and I had a giggle at six weeks re likelihood of ever having sex again. Then again I had a c section and was concerned about upsetting the stitches. Also aren't people just too tired with a new baby to do anything other than lie down and close their eyes as and when the opportunity to so presents itself?

[Veins]

They knew I'd had sex as I was pregnant at my check up. In my defense I just wanted to be normal again and had had a CS. Breast feeding was NOT an effective contraceptive for me.

[Downamongtherednecks]

I didn't just mean vaginal insufflation. I read that post-partum sex can introduce air through the uterus, and vaginal walls, which can cause death. (Possibly I may have over estimated the risk!)

[WaitingForMe]

I was asked what contraception I was planning to use when I was on the ward. I asked the midwife if she was serious and she said she had once had to ask a couple to stop having sex on the ward about 24 hours after giving birth. I also shared with a woman whose 10 month old was brought to visit her new baby sister and the same midwife reminded me to use contraception.

I'm horrified at the idea of an extra stitch for the husband. However, I had loads of stitches and am actually neater than I was before. Hideous at the time but damn that nurse was an artist. Sadly this is an interesting fact I rarely get to share

[BookieTubules]

My friend was told by her doctor at 6 week check that she needed to "get back on that horse and ride it".

My mum on the other hand tells me of when I was born and you were kept in for 10 days as a matter of routine. There was one woman there who couldn't WAIT to get home to have sex again. The rest of the ward were

[lazymum99]

Have you heard the one about the man who asked the dr when it would be ok to have sex again and was told a gentleman always waits for the placenta!

[PourquoiTuGachesTaVie]

Jesus shagging 24 hours after giving birth? ignoring the skankiness of doing it before they've even got home

I couldn't sit down for about a week afterwards.

[LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett]

I don't have a baby, although I do have a DH and I haven't had sex for 5 weeks. Sometimes people just, you know, don't have sex for a few weeks, let alone people with newborn babies... I am at some of the stories on here. Some gps seem to have a very low opinion of men...

[Minesril]

An extra stitch for the husband? Sorry, AN EXTRA STITCH FOR THE HUSBAND??!! What the actual fuck?

This has made me feel actually physically sick - is this not comparable to FGM?

Argh I'm actually fuming.

I'm glad I read this thread though - one more thing to look out for post birth!

Do I need to put this on my birth plan???

[parentalunit]

YANBU your body needs time to heal. at Koala's experience. How utterly dreadful. Wives are not cum receptacles, and marital rape is illegal. at those doctor's attitudes, regardless of whether the doctor was male or female.

I was advised NOT to have sex until after the 6 week checkup. Even though we were wondering whether to give it a try (I was less keen than other half) we waited. It hurt a little at first, but less over time. I've only ever had small tears which were well stitched.

[Darkesteyes]

OP Mrs Koala that's appalling

And it is down to patriarchy. I don't have DC so my experiences haven't come from pregnancy but I remember having to have an examination where it had to be done on a full bladder.
This was at a small local hospital.
She asked about any medication I was on and I told her I was just coming off Depo.
She looked at me and said "what on earth are you on Depo for if you are in a sexless marriage."
Me.... ive had a LT affair which has just ended . She just looked me up and down as if I was shit on her shoe.


Years previously I remember trying to discuss the problem with my male (now retired) GP He said "What do you need sex for if you are not trying to get pregnant?


Its definitely patriarchy folks. Because we are supposed to be wank socks or not have it at all if our partners don't want it but reverse the genders and its a different story.


At the heart of this is the belief STILL that women aren't supposed to like sex.
Germaine Greer is right. Sexual liberation for women did NOT happen. And still hasn't.

[parentalunit]

I can understand that contraception chat. Isn't it healthier for a woman to wait a year after childbirth before getting pregnant again? The MW/doctor is probably just making sure you know what you're getting into if you skip contraception.

Still so at the experiences on here. and and to the people who had to deal what that Neanderthal experience.

[Darkesteyes]

AN EXTRA STITCH Jesus wept.

[Chippednailvarnish]

Going against the grain here, I had to see a gynecologist a couple of months after giving birth. She told me to have sex to encourage blood flow which would help any scar tissue...

[parentalunit]

Darkesteyes couldn't agree more. When I see young girls shagging around, that's not sexual liberation. It makes me so mad. So many of my female friends from Uni who did that are now deeply regretful of their behaviour, whereas the men aren't. and only a small handful are the other way around

[marmitelover]

I thought we all said 'abstinence' or 'the baby' or some other weak joke along those lines when asked about contraception at the 6 week check ... Clearly not!

It's up to you when you feel ready, physically and emotionally. I certainly find it hard to feel sexy after baby has been nursing at my boobs all day!

[Beckamaw]

It's true.
I didn't DTD for 6 weeks post-birth, and my entire fanjo fell off.
I was very traumatised by this.

PS - your GP is a twat.

[RevoltingPeasant]

But I don't understand why they ask about sex and contraception.

Why not, "some women don't know that you can get pg whilst bf, and it can be quite bad for you to get pg right away. Do you want to talk about contraception?"

Doesn't assume woman is slavering ninny who can't be trusted to manage her own fertility.

As for the husband stitch..... It is this kind of crap that makes me want a home birth when the time comes. I love my own GP, but it seems there are just so many drs you can't trust. What an awful thing to do to a vulnerable woman who cannot see properly what you are doing to her genitals and who trusts you.

It is not fgm but it's certainly heading that way.

[holidaysarenice]

Numbing cream is common and it's nothing to do with the man! It's used for women when tightness post birth is an issue. It allows the natural stretching without pain, the alternative is to make a cut especially through scar tissue.

[Beckamaw]

....and, at my 6 week check after DD1, the GP examined me and said:
"Well, just look at you! Some women let themselves go after having babies, but you look fabulous! Flat tummy and very perky breasts. Well done you!"
This is not a stealth boast. The GP made no mention of the healing of my hideous episiotomy whatsoever, or anything vaguely useful.
He is no longer my GP.