Did you change your surname upon marriage?

[Gryffindor]

Just that, really? And if you did, did you keep your maiden name professionally?

DH and I have been married a while now but through a combination of feminist thoughts, laziness and professional reputation I haven't changed. All married female friends have changed theirs, often with mind boggling speed!

Aibu to ask?

As others say, my maiden name was my dads. Now I love my dad. But I wanted my family to have the same name and I have no special career I need my maiden name for. I didn't dislike it though.

If I'm going to branded by a man, might as well be the one I'm marrying. Til death do us part. Or him first ;)

I don't consider my name to be my Dad's, I consider it to be very much my name as it was given to me at birth.

I changed my name by deed poll when I was about 18 so when I married the first time I changed to my husbands name, we divorced about 11 years ago and I continued to use that name just because it was the easiest option, I remarried last year and have took my new husbands name , mainly because I think it would be odd to continue to use a name that was never really mine.

I changed my name, I was never really bothered about not being married until I had my little girl. It was only when I was in the hospital and I kept thinking people were judging me that I wasn't married. Even though we had been together for 9 years. I know its completely irrational but it just got stuck in my head. We got married in April and it was such a relief to all have the same name I never really knew how much it weighed on me until I changed it.

I agree with Squoosh. It's your name once it's given to you. And besides, men have their father's names too, but they don't think, "Oh, it's just Dad's name, I think I'll give it up when I get married."

Malice names are extremely important to my FIL. He is the type of person who believes he actually has proprietary rights over all the members of his family.

I also kept my name because it's mine rather than my father's. That was a decision I made aged 16 when a rellie decided they were going to change their name and mine to something completely different.

DPs surname is an anagram of mine but his version of the letters is way better. I think given that we have the same letters we should be able to come up with a third variation that suits us both.

I did consider my maiden name as my father's. My parents split up when I was young so my mother and I did not share the same family name.
After he died, I thought about changing my name to my mother's but I didn't have the money. After a while, that faded and I was just using it again.
Now I am married and did not have any qualms about changing to my husbands name.
However, being Dutch means that my passport will still be in my maiden namen. I've got my drivers licence in new name and I use as I please.
I like to be able to choose now, very liberating.

Reading with great interest as DP and I are due to marry (no DC's yet) I LOVE my surname. It's hard to spell, unique and no chance of me ever being confused with anyone else.

DP's surname is... Erm... Usual. Very usual. I've known 5 different unrelated people with that surname. One of them shared my first name too and I didn't really like her so I absolutely don't want the same full name as her.

I desperately want DP and I to have a family name. I will have the same surname as our children. I've said that.

I was thinking about blending so gogDPNAMEh

It really works as a name. (11letters but my surname is 8 letters) only I think DP finds it emasculating. Which is stupid as he's not a fool.

There are lots of family jokes referred to as "DPSurname humour" and "that's a very DPSurname trait"

AIBU to insist on blending or he won't share our children's surname?

No - saw no need to signify a change of ownership! The DCs have DH's surname because it's simpler than mine by a country mile - I've spent a lifetime spelling it out!

I was married before and DID change it, in answer to Andrew's question, and it was a massive pain to change back after the divorce. In fact my credit cards refused to change it back and I ended up cancelling them.

no I didn't, I kept my own name on all fronts.

I knew from a young age I would never change it as even as a small child it seemed wrong that it was always down to the woman to change.

Our children have both our names but no hyphen. DH is fine with it all but my in laws and DM aren't, I couldn't care less. it would be a deal breaker for me if a man insisted only his name mattered. Thankfully nearly all my social circle have done the same as me so I can see the whole dying out eventually.

When I got married and kept my name it was very unusual.
I have no regrets on a personal level but the DC hate it.
They hated it in primary school, they hated it in secondary school. Everyone assumes they come from a broken home (their words not mine).
They are 16 and 18 now and it still bothers them a lot. So much that I really regret not changing it.

I mean it was unusual not to change my name not that my name was unusual!

I didn't change my name. Dd has my name, ds has dh's.

I have read it argued that it will cause some parping great chasm between children, or parents and that it is not possible to be close like a proper family or some sort nonsense.

I can report though that we are very close. Dd and ds even choose to share a room and neither feel at a disadvantage because of their surname.

The conversation about names went like this

Him: "So, are you going to change your name when we get married?"
Me: "Are you?"

Thus ended the conversation. DD has her father's surname because
a) I wasn't bothered. I come from a big family and there more than enough slugs in the world
b) It made his parents happy. DH is an only child and I love my inlaws
c) It's shorter and easier to spell and has no annoying apostrophes that are the bane of online booking systems

my blood pressure has risen dangerously having seen the same tired old argument that your surname is 'just your dad's name".

my name - both first and surname - is mine. it was given to me at birth and the origin's are irrelevant. my first name is French, I am not - having a French name doesn't make it any less mine, or make me any more French.

the term 'maiden name' also makes me cringe.

I said earlier for all these people fretting over double barreled names etc ...you can give them two surnames - not hyphenated, not joined together - two separate names.
DC have a first name, a middle name and two surnames - they can use both or either DPs is first and mine is second -for now they usually use mine (DPS is foreign, an absolute pain to spell) but when they are older etc they can use both or just DPs...which if they lived in their father's country of origin might be easier - but actually both surnames are uncommon and long - DPs is 3 syllables and mine is 2.
We did have to use just DD1's first and middle initials on her bank card and even then with a 'Miss' at the beginning it was missing the last letter...there just wasn't room!
Having said that - I do group contact lists of parents and I hate the ones with great big long double surnames - means that column has to be wider -so everything and everyone's details have to be in a smaller font! But then on something like that my own DC would just be down as having one!

I know it's dads name too, but a lot of the femme argument is about being owned by a man. Which for some odd reason is only remarked on at marriage. I find that blatantly ridiculous. I was already labelled by a man. By male lineage. So keeping that name out of 'political' reasons is fashionable tosh (to me).

At least by marriage I picked him/it. No I don't feel enough about the subject to make one up. I do get fed up by constant bloody threads on addressing envelopes on here though....

I changed my name because I preferred my husband's and it felt important to me to have the same name as my children.

I didn't have any particular attachment to my old name at all, it wasn't mine, it was my dad's.

My married name suits my first name so much better, too. It's alliterative and everything!

This:
my maiden name was my dad's. Now I love my dad. But I wanted my family to have the same name and I have no special career I need my maiden name for
I chose to start the next step of my life as one unit with my dh and {future} dc

"I didn't have any particular attachment to my old name at all, it wasn't mine, it was my dad's."

what a ridiculous thing to say - in that case your name now isn't your name, it is your husband's father's name etc etc.

must be odd going through life without a name.

I don't get this whole want the kids having his name?as if his is superior
Why not double barrel kids names?
I'm always surprised when women change name,for etiquette/tradition but of course it's never raise man change his

sharing a name doesn't make a family unit.

plenty of people manage to be part of a family unit without sharing a name.

by all means change your name if you want to - I disagree with it but will defend a woman's right to choose. however making statements that imply those who choose not to change horse mid race are somehow less of a family unit for not sharing a name is a bit daft.

I can understand people who want to drop a name that reminds them of an abusive father but otherwise I'm baffled by people who are all 'meh it wasn't even my name anyway, it was just my Dad's'.

I kept mine for finishing university and then gradually changed over. I like us all having the same name, hypenation would just have been too much and yes it is shallow but I like dh's name more than mine which I'd always hated. Mine was an end of the alphabet name so swopping to mid-alphabet as I have done feels like a plus Dh wasn't bothered either way but I don't think he would have liked having a different name from the dc and nor would I. Given I like his family name more it's an easy choice to make.