Did you change your surname upon marriage?

[Gryffindor]

Just that, really? And if you did, did you keep your maiden name professionally?

DH and I have been married a while now but through a combination of feminist thoughts, laziness and professional reputation I haven't changed. All married female friends have changed theirs, often with mind boggling speed!

Aibu to ask?

Yeah squoosh - that's what I thought! First it is not uncommon in my family - both my sisters have their grandmothe's maiden name and my dad has his family's maiden name. I think it is because, especially nowadays, middle names are always first names. I have basically said I am carrying the baby and will go through enormous pain to deliver it so I can to choose the middle name.

I added dh's name to my passport, purely to avoid future issues (we travel a lot, and dd has a different last name and nationality...). I don't use it on a day-to-day basis, though.

Yes, I changed my name when I got married & I changed it professionally too. My degree is in my unmarried name, but all my post-grad stuff is in my married name. I have 2 dcs & DH & we all have the same name.
I don't think that today titles Mrs, Ms, Miss or names matter either way TBH. Glad we're more enlightened than the 1950s & we can all call ourselves whatever we're happy with!

'DH very much wants the baby to have his surname so I have suggested my surname as a middle name (which is quite common in my family) but he's a bit unsure.'

That makes me a bit uncomfortable, to be honest, though obviously it's none of my business! I mean, you are being generous enough to accept that the baby you will carry and go through birthing won't have your name, and your DH isn't even happy with the idea of a middle name? That won't be passed down to her or his own kids, and is just a reminder that she's the creation of two families? When it's what you want? He's not being very reasonable with that one.

I'd be quite annoyed by that fatpony.

Shinesmile, legally you are allowed to use whatever name you like - make one up if it floats your boat. There's no law restricting names in this country.

However, officialdom does like to have some proof of identity so if you do change your name, it helps with banks and passports and stuff if you have some evidence such as a deed poll or marriage certificate.

It's very common in the US for a woman's maiden name to be used as a middle name for children of both sexes. It is common practice in my family and it comes from a long line of Scottish ancestors so I assume that it was or is common in Scotland.

It is also common in the US for a woman to use her maiden name as a middle name if she takes her husband's name on marriage, so Jane Elizabeth Smith who marries John Jones becomes Jane Smith Jones.

I use both. My passport and bank account are in my maiden name. I use this professionally. My medical records and driving licence are in my married name, and I use this socially.

(Except if the intention is to commit fraud, I should have said. You can call yourself whatever you like but if you adopt Windsor and pretend to be a Royal in order to obtain goods and services or defraud people, you will get into trouble... )

I think you are really lucky that you can keep your own name. It's part of your identity! The only case where I have seen self proclaimed independent women or staunch males eager to change their last name is when they'd gain a title. Pathetic.

Fun fact, in France you cannot legally take your husband's name. You can request to have you documents mention an additional "commonly used" name, but if you're born Jane Smith, officially you'll stay Jane Smith forever.

In the US it is tradition that the baby has the mother's name as middle name (hence John Fitzgerald Kennedy). But I'm not sure if that is permitted in the UK.

*SconeRhymes" my family is Scottish too - perhaps it is more of a tradition there.

To clarify - DH is a bit unsure because it sounds funny! He hasn't batted an eyelid about my not taking his name, is not fussed in the slightest.

And Caroline Kennedy is Caroline Bouvier Kennedy. Why would this not be permitted in the UK?

It would be permitted in the UK of course, but it would be a deed-poll thing wouldn't it?

A baby can have any middle name of the parent's choosing.

My wife has my surname. My kids have my (our) surname. I like it. It gives me a sort of proprietary right to them. It suits us.

It is permitted and there is no need for a deed poll - you are free to use whatever name you like. Deed polls may be handy when dealing with banks and officialdom, however.

I refused to change my name if he wasn't going to change his. We both wanted our dc to have our name though. The solution was to pick a new name, which we both changed to . Didn't want to double barrel, so this worked for us.

Going into banks etc together and telling them you want to change your name was funny - before we'd even have a chance to say any more they'd assume I was taking his name. Er, no, we said we need to change our names. I sent an email asking the council how I went about changing a name, and they sent an email back telling me they'd changed my name to Mrs DH. That raged me. I hadn't said who wanted to change their name or to what!!!

I took DHs name when we married - firstly because I have no warm feelings for the name/my father/his family, and secondly because it's a real word, a negative one, and constantly misspelt even tho it's just a four letter word .
DHs name is also four letters and constantly misspelt, but it's forrin and justifiably confusingly spelt!

If I'd had my mothers name, I would've kept it. (Should've had her name anyway IMO as they weren't married).

I really like this maiden-name-as-middle-name-for-DCs thing - then I would've had the choice to drop one as an adult or upon marriage.
As a child I hated having three different surnames in the house - mine/DSis's, DMs and Stepdads. Having both parents surnames is ideal IMO, but as a middle name & surname, not double barrelled.

"It gives me a sort of proprietary right to them."

Really? I wouldn't ever have married someone who wanted a "proprietary right" to me or to our children. I wonder whether you just wrote this to wind people up?

Anyway, no name change here and it was important to me that my husband would at least be open to the idea of creating a new name or would consider taking mine. In the end, our son has both surnames (no hyphen) and we may both do the same eventually. It is an enormous hassle to change our names at the moment because I am an immigrant and dealing with the immigration services is a real pain. In the future we have talked about coming to a family decision with DS and any future kids to decide upon one name all together but we will see.

We have some friends who combined part of each of their surnames which I like a lot. I have been surprised by how many of my friends (we are in our early 30s) have changed their names. It is definitely a personal choice but I think it is sad that it appears that there are still lots of men out there who get very wound up and insistent about their wives taking their surnames and that the default is that children take the father's name. Nothing wrong with arriving at a decision together but I don't see why it is always assumed that it will be a certain way.

ribbityribbit that's what we did - took half of his name and half of my name and made a new one .

I dismissed the proprietary right as a troll.

It was (a fairly obvious) wind up.

My wife and kids do all have my/our name though. If I'm being brutally honest, I did sort of just assume my wife would take my name; but I wouldn't have been too bothered if she didn't. I would have been more bothered about the kids not having my name. There's no intellectual or rational justification for it, it'd have just bothered me.

Really though, people should make whatever arrangments they see fit. I like that we all have the same name. It just feels like we're all under that same stamp. It does work for us.

Malice for a moment there I thought you were my FIL, but then he wouldn't use a site called Mums net.

Adorabell But then none of my friends (Yes I do have some) would expect that I would.

Anyway, this is a meeting place for parents

Since when were names so important?............