Did you change your surname upon marriage?

[Gryffindor]

Just that, really? And if you did, did you keep your maiden name professionally?

DH and I have been married a while now but through a combination of feminist thoughts, laziness and professional reputation I haven't changed. All married female friends have changed theirs, often with mind boggling speed!

Aibu to ask?

So many families have gone down the double-barrelled route in my SE London area, that I think any 'landed gentry' pretentious ideas have gone now. It's jut normal around here now. Just so the school know that I am DD's mum on all her reception uniform name tags she is first name, my surname and then DH's surname. When I've run out of those labels she'll just go back to her first name DH surname scrawled on a with biro.

We both kept our own names.

The dds have my surname, and DH's surname as a middle name. (Like Weebairn - and I also live in a big Northern city!)

I only married DH for his surname.

I quite often wonder what the children with double barreled names are going to do when they marry? Have a quodruple barrelled name?

I quite like the Spanish system, though.

The only thing about DH's surname, my new name, that annoys me is the going down in the alphabet right near the bottom. I was already quite far down and forever sick of waiting for my turn. Ds will die of boredom

I hope that everyone has done the thing that I do manage to feel very strongly about and that is sign the petition to get the mother's name on the marriage certificate link here

"Makes you sound like a lesbian."Well, we wouldn't want that, would we? FFS. There is a " lesbophobia" thread elsewhere which I think you would benefit from reading...

Oh do calm down. You, and the other poster who wrote an essay on that one line.

I like being able to use the term husband. Because 'boyfriend' implies i'm 15, which i'm not. 'Fiance' implies i'm a pretentious fuck, which i'm not. And 'partner' implies i'm a lesbian, which i'm not.

You're reacting like 'lesbian' is some taboo word no one should dare to mention . Choose to be offended if you like. Or you could just get the fuck over yourselves and stop being offended for the sake of it

If you don't like 'boyfriend' or 'partner', just call him your husband. It's just a word, no-one's going to come and arrest you.

I'm confused at the idea that someone shouldn't call their husband their husband because they haven't changed their name. What?

Weddedbliss, do you really think "partner" makes you sound like a lesbian?
Your post just makes you sound a bit stupid, sadly.

'I'm more curious as to why women aren't naming themselves. If it's 'just dads' name and dh is 'losing my identity' do people feel a double barrel creates that identity then? And why aren't women just making a new name up by deed poll they like at 18?'

Why would anyone do that? The 'it's just my dad's name' brigade are the ones who use that as a reason to change their name when getting married. I don't see my name as my Dad's name, I've owned it since birth so I own it as much as any male relative.

Yes, it's a spurious excuse in many cases, as it's done to make a vague nod to the sociocultural expectations that cause women to change their names. But the alternative surely means that my brother owns our name, and I am merely borrowing it, on account of the vag. Which, surely, is bollocks.

I've just been thinking that all the women I can think of who have kept their name live in London or just outside it and got married in their mid to late 30s, so were quite well-established professionally in their name. However, I only know of one family who have given their child the mother's rather than the father's name.

I now live in a provincial town and have met one or two women who've double-barelled, but virtually all of them have changed their name. I can think of one woman who hasn't, but I'm not sure if she's married or not. There's another who seems to use both maiden and married name and I'm not sure if she's officially changed it. People here also seem to get married younger (mid-20s is more common).

Actually isn't the term 'maiden' name quite outdated as well?

Yup, I changed mine. No I didn't keep it for professional reasons. I like being part of the family like that. We all have the same name, me DH and the kids and I like that. MIL kept her name for professional reasons and frankly it was a huge pain in the arse, the kids got confused about who people were calling for and would tell people on the phone they got the wrong number, people would ask them if she was their grandmother (and use her own name) and they would say no etc.

'I don't need to hang on to my surname from birth to identify as me, it just wasn't that important to me. Whereas dh was really passionate about his surname becoming the family name, so I was happy to go with it.'

Funny that, so many women who think their surname isn't 'that important' and so many men who are really 'passionate' about their surname. Can't think why that might be..............

I haven't but then I live in Spain where women don't change theirs on marriage. I like DH's much better than mine, but it would be a faff and then Spaniards would be confused and think DH and I were brother and sister!
Children have both names, Dh's first then mine, this is the way it's done here.
Also as a feminist I don't like the overtones of ownership/chattel.

The 'it's just my dad's name' brigade are the ones who use that as a reason to change their name when getting married.

No, it's my opinion not an excuse. My first name is my name, chosen by both parents and given to me alone. My surname is a name I acquired though social convention when I could have had any one of many different surnames had my ancestors chosen differently.

I am me whatever surname I choose to use.

It gets rather tedious when the "I'm not changing my name" brigade try to say those who have chosen differently have somehow lost their identity.

"I can't see why you have to be so attached to your father's name all your life."

i don't see how i can make it any clearer - it is MY NAME i am attached to. the origins are irrelevant. Christ, how can you not understand that??

Probably the same way you can't understand that some people don't see their surname as being "fundamental"

That is why I don't feel my surname is fundamental, I just acquired it so I am happy to change. My first name is the one chosen specifically for me and that is fundamental. I wouldn't want my surname arbitrarily changed, but I am quite happy to choose to change it. I wouldn't have wanted my mother's surname, it is one of the most common in UK.

I don't know why we have to understand other people- it is merely personal choice. Do what you want and leave others to do what they want.

I quite like "boyfriend" and generally stick with that and we have been together about 16 years! It does imply you still have a lot of sex I think…

Yes, but not lightly.

I always wanted husband to have my name, that never happened, the main reason I changed name is because I was talked into it by my family BUT I am happy I changed it now =)

I am both people. Have bank account in maiden and passports and use maiden name for work...but this is mainly because my husbands name is long and very difficult to pronounce.

When I am with the kids and doing anything casual I use married name. I like being both people...and I like having same name as kids.

Bumble me too. DH name hard to pronounce, he even uses my name in some circumstances. Our children have his name, but we are happy for them to use either when they are older should they encounter racism in the work place and the like.

This came about as I just found the whole thing a huge hassle, and I could not be bothered to continually have to sit through people trying to pronounce or remember DH's 11 letter surname.