Did you change your surname upon marriage?

[Gryffindor]

Just that, really? And if you did, did you keep your maiden name professionally?

DH and I have been married a while now but through a combination of feminist thoughts, laziness and professional reputation I haven't changed. All married female friends have changed theirs, often with mind boggling speed!

Aibu to ask?

I changed my name. It kind of felt like a fresh start to me. No hassle to change my name on work really, all certificates etc are in my maiden name but it's easily explainable.

Sandor, that's a lovely contemporary compromise, you have a nice DH there! Interesting the ordering of your names, We have been scratching our heads wondering whether it should be DP-daisychain or daisychain-DP as convention these days seems to be non-existent, anything goes.

I wouldnt say Im the most strident feminist in the world, probably a bit of both feminism and trad stuff, depending on which way the wind blows. Normally if its a bloke cutting me up on the motorway, then I turn into a sweary, gun toting loud mouthed feminist, but it soon changes if a gentle(man) opens the door for me, then Im mush.

why is it lovely to be part of a family unit with the same name, as a pp has said? I just don't get it. I can see that it's lovely to have a partner/spouse, and lovely to have dcs, but why lovely to have same name? Should we take it further and just call everyone by the same forename too?

The only place I use my married name is at the surgery as it is easier with DS.

They address me as Mrs Married Name at school and I don't mind.

DH frequently gets post addressed to Mr my maiden name, it does not bother him.

Daisychain, you have a funny idea of what a feminist is

I didn't. If asked whether I disliked my husband's surname, I used to reply that I thought it a perfectly good name, which is why I didn't expect him to change it.

Our children have his surname. Which they can change any time they like now they're adults, should they want to.

I know families where the husband and wife kept their names, and the children were deliberately registered with neither parent's surname, only a second name each to serve as a surname.

I was one of those women full of romantic ideals who changed my name at lightning speed when I got married.

I started using my maiden name professionally in a new job 8 years later, and when my marriage failed 8 years after that I started the long process of changing everything back to my maiden name. It was and is important to me to reclaim myself and with it my name, after a long, long period of misery.

Having a different name from the DC doesn't bother me at all - it doesn't make me any less their mother.

I changed mine, even though DH's isn't the best surname in the world... Never thought about it too much really, just sort of felt like that if you get married them that's what you do. Not very feminist, but there you go. (Haven't regretted it btw, I pretty quickly came to think of myself as Mrs DH-name.)

DP and i have been together 27 years, so marriage is unlikely. However, the DCs have his surname as double barrelling was not an option (my surname is already double barrelled). My family surname will continue where his was unlikely, so that's why we chose to give the DCs his name.

And for those people who feel that their dad's name is still a man's name, well, new traditions have to start somewhere.

If I ever do get married, I'm not changing my name. I don't see the point. Our family feels like a family unit despite people having different names. We didn't need names to feel a unit.

Igggi, if there was an emoticon which was a little face tongue in cheek I would have used it! Perhaps the irony was lost.

I'll say yes, I'm known as Mrs Husband but on quite a lot of things I'm still Miss Father. More laziness than an actual decision, lol

I wanted the whole family including stepdd to have the same surname and stepdd already had dh's name.

I get the same name = family unit on the one hand.

On the other, I haven't shared a surname with my mum since she remarried 13 years ago, when I was 12. My mum, step dad, brother and I are very much a family unit - but each half shares a different surname.

So, whatever works for you. It's an odd thing to get hung up on. As I said upthread my reasons for taking my dp's name aren't relate to tradition or feeling like a family unit. 99% down to not liking my birth surname.

Yes, because it was important for my step-son then aged 12 that we all had the same name. His mother did the double name thing and he didn't like it.

I did quite quickly as I'm organised and we had our ds already with dh's name and I wanted us to have the same name. My mum was known by my dad's surname at work and also my stepfather's surname and that all seemed a bit odd as well as untidy so I changed everything apart from my old email account.

No but I just embarrassed myself recently when I assumed someone else did (they hadn't)

Sorry Daisy, peril of the internet.

My ExH took my name when we married, I was not changing mine as don't like the concept, it was his choice and I never really understood his reasons why he did it. We are divorced and he has never changed back ( v short marriage - he was an abusive git) which I do find quite strange, however in my mind his surname is his original one and not my one!

Alis

I do agree that we are a family unit no matter what our surnames are. When we has ds I wanted him to feel close to his half sister so fave him the same surname as her, when we got married I wanted the same surname as ds rather than dh, lol, then when dd came along she just took the same as us all. It just seemed right for us.

I have recently added my maiden name as another middle name for myself, I haven't changed any official documents as yet but I feel happier knowing it's there, iyswim.

This all happened a lot of years ago, I think I'd do it differently now as I've never taken to dh's surname, it still feels strange to me.

I'm on my second marriage. My first marriage lasted just over a year. I never changed my name, so luckily I had not too much form-filling to do when I left the bastard marriage. A month after my decree absolute came through I met the man who was to become DH number 2. We married a year later and I changed my name to his. It just felt right. I was also happy not to be carrying the same name as my mother.

A few weeks after my marriage I was speaking on the phone to someone I had dealings with through work, a woman and a fellow feminist. On discovering that I had married again (we did it quietly - no big bash) and had changed my name to Mrs DHname, she professed shock that I had somehow abandoned the sisterhood by taking on my husband's name. I told her that I had reasoned that one way or another I was going to carry the name of a man: either my father's (my maiden name) or my husband's(my new married name) and I had decided that my future was with my husband rather than with my dad, so I had dropped my dad's name. She paused before saying that she totally saw my point.

NameEquality I supported your campaign a while ago but I just want to draw attention to something mentioned in the article that you linked to that is incorrect.
It stated that a mother can only be named on the certificate/register if the father isn't around to sign. This is not correct. The father's details are recorded (although there is no obligation to include them - it is NOT a legal requirement as the article states).

The only time your father would sign the register is when they are acting as a witness to the marriage (not the same as having the details recorded in the father's details spaces).
Anyone can act as a witness in England and Wales providing they speak and understand English - it does not have to be the father. For this reason, many couples have their mother's act as their witnesses.
I do agree it is an anachronism that needs to change. I got married many years ago and my husband did not have his father's details recorded out of respect for his mother who brought him up on her own. There is simply a line drawn through the space where his father's details should be.

'I told her that I had reasoned that one way or another I was going to carry the name of a man: either my father's (my maiden name) or my husband's(my new married name) and I had decided that my future was with my husband rather than with my dad, so I had dropped my dad's name.'

Why is your husband's name his own but your birth name is just your father's? I had no control over the name was given to me at birth but I own it as much as my brothers or father do.

I was happy to ditch my clumsy maiden name for Dh's exotic and unusual surname. It was out with the old at a great speed of knots and I have no regrets.

I didn't change my name. I didn't really think about it, just always knew it wasn't for me. Not an issue with my husband or anyone we care about but a surprising number of acquaintances and strangers feel the need to comment on it.

I hate it when people say a maiden name is the father's name as some justification for changing it, its a cop out. Why is a woman's name at birth her father's but her future husband has his own. The double standard is breathtaking.

Your birth name is yours and yours alone, you don't carry it on behalf of someone else.

"I told her that I had reasoned that one way or another I was going to carry the name of a man: either my father's (my maiden name) or my husband's(my new married name) and I had decided that my future was with my husband rather than with my dad, so I had dropped my dad's name. She paused before saying that she totally saw my point."

fgs. please explain exactly how you were carrying someone elses name pre-marriage? it was given to you at birth and was your name as much as your first name. unless you have a unique first name there are others with that name before you - does that make the name less yours?