To ask what is your instinctive response to hearing a child is Home Educated?

[NickiFury]

I am really interested to hear general opinions from everyone and hoping for some from professionals such as teachers etc. I really want to know what people think because in the main in RL, the response is overwhelmingly negative. I've had people threaten to call SS on me because ds isn't in school, been told it's "weird" and seen this face a lot.

Now to me home education is a totally normal thing but I suspect this is only because we are immersed in this world and know lots of other HE families (you'd be surprised how many are out there).

What has made me think about this was a friend telling me today that people in our community know of me and ds without ever having met us because we are notorious as that woman who doesn't send her kid to school .

Btw I also have a child who does go to school and is doing well but no one seems to gossip about that.

So what would YOU think if you someone told you their child is home educated?

Thanks .

Well that told me! But seeing as I am the OP and you are responding on a thread I wrote I am not sure that can be true.

Are you a teacher yourself by any chance?

I love you're post humphreycobbler mainly because it agrees with everything I think but also because it's actually quite reassuring for a teacher to say that.

I'd just like to point out following my previous post that I've actually had to go into my sons special school to teach them the difference between autistic problems and laziness.

Not the way you'd think either, the staff were being so lovely and understanding that they thought that DS rolling around the floor giggling at them because they had tried to make him do his work was him having an autistic sensory episode. It wasn't, it was him happily avoiding work and getting lots of lovely attention for it

Schools don't always know best.

Your not you're

wouldn't you think the same thing if you met somebody who sent their children to a private school?

yeah, good point (looking at Stepsister for whom only the best would do!)
But otherwise almost no close friends & family privately ed, so it hasn't crossed my path often to think about it (and step-sis who has been notorious PFB, is now planning to send her son to state school I heard).

If someone is HE as a first choice, I think, OK but unless you put them in for exams later you are going to limit their options later in life. I also think that they are in some ways 'depriving' their child of a common base with others ie the school experience.
With some parents I would worry about the quality of the education their child is receiving.

If someone HEs due to their child 'not fitting' school for whatever reason, I think Good On You for putting your child first.

I think homeschooling is one of those things that can be done for very good/rational reasons, but is also used by very dysfunctional/abusive/controlling families to isolate and conceal themselves and their children.

I was homeschooled, and my family unfortunately fell into that latter category. So my instinct upon hearing a child is homeschooled is to be suspicious of the reasons. I know full well this is down to my own experience though, so am aware of my own bias, its instinctive and I can't help it.

Incidentally, I ended up doing very well academically, but have forever been on a back foot socially. However, growing up in an abusive environment is probably more to blame than the homeschooling in my case.

My first reaction is like many others - weird
My second reaction is that they look pale [I dont know that many]
But the ones that do it appear to be quite acedemic and sport is not high on their list of personal priorities.
Certainly if you look at the HE Board on here as well, how many of them mention sport? Dont know what they do in that regard.

In my experience they usually have a very opinionated dominant mother who is "alternative" and they tend to be home schooled for the parent's benefit rather than the child's. I feel they miss out on the socialising/ making friends/ learning to get along with different types of people/ learning how to cope with bullies/ learning how to cope with authority figures you have personality clashes with and all the other things kids learn at school as well as getting an education.

pplease we do swimming, judo and climbing as our main phys activities but running too (well he scoots on his fancy scooter).

I'm disgusted at the judgemental replies, some of the attitudes on this thread are appalling.

I think you have missed the point! We were asked our instinctive response-are we supposed to lie, not put our true feelings and just put down what we think HEers want to hear?

I would initially think there must be special needs or illness or the child didn't cope with school and so the parent was taking the option best for the child.

Other than that I would think the parent was over controlling and wanted to sensor what the child heard and who they came into contact with.
Or they were over protective and needed to keep control.
Or they had negative experiences themselves that they were projecting on to their child.
Or they had 'free spirits' and wanted to keep them that way without boundaries.
Or they have weird views about schools turning out identical end products.

I am sorry if people don't like it-but I was actually invited to give my views! And my first response-not reconsidered response.

Sorry-missed an important one-being bullied.

In my experience they usually have a very opinionated dominant mother

I missed that one.

Oh this is exactly what I wanted when I posted. Frank opinions, I am finding it really interesting and am hoping that the thread might be changing a few peoples minds.

I have come across some HErs who are doing serious damage to their children. Its more than just HE. It is rejecting intervention for their children including adaptive equipment. Even down to specialized seating.

BUT I have come across loads of parents who send their kids to school who are just as bad/worse/whatever.

Most children who are abused are in school. We notice the one that have been pulled out for 'HE' because they are not the norm.
I doubt Kyra Ishak was getting much HE when her parents took her out of school

It isn't something I would do. I am not capable.

But I am not overly keen on the school system so I totally get why people do it.

Particularly if they have had negative attention from the school system. After we were treated badly due to a total fuckwit in DS's school I really felt like pulling him out.

My initial response, which I would NEVER vocalise, is 'weird and pushy parents'

That view has come from watching The Scripps American High School Spelling Bee which, I acknowledge, is not a very scientific way of forming an opinion.

I wouldn't have any views on the kids themselves though. IYSWIM

OP, It sounds like home ed is working out well for your son and you. You sound like a fab Mum (and not at all weird or pushy )

My first reaction would be: oh, that's. Not within the norm.
I wonder why
Are they religious?
Political?
Behaviour problems?
Special needs?
What do they do to socialise?
Have they tried school?
Was it child's choice or parents?

Oh this is exactly what I wanted when I posted. Frank opinions

I thought so which is why I was somewhat surprised to find someone thinks we should lie and be PC! Not much point in it if we all get too cowed to say what we really think.

I have coached quite a few hE children in my sport and I would say there is no one thing you can generalise about with these parents/children.

I was HE as a child for 3 years and I didn't like it.I really missed out on being able to socialise with other children outside the family/family friends circle.

Do they do all the subjects kids in school do?
Are the parents teachers?
What do they base their teaching on

Positive. Bit lentil-weavery. DH and his siblings were home-ed by their slightly lentil-weavery Mum with positives and negatives.

I think that you are vulnerable to your parents notions, which may be great, but can't be fully rounded - if you're wild about football, but your mother is passionate about music and can't see the point of team sports, then it's unlikely you'll get much football. Or physics. Or art. Or whatever. But then I guess that's why there are local home ed groups and teaching exchanges.

I would home educate in a heartbeat if our local school did not suit our needs so well, but as it happens, it's a pretty lentil-weavery school to start with (the Lib Dems and Greens do very well around here, and I think you get a subscription to the Guardian when you move in) so we're content.

I know four children that were HE. Three were only primary HE and they decided they wanted to go to mainstream secondary, one went to secondary in Yr9.

The positives were that they had a broad education, were knowledgeable and in the main confident. Academically no different to their peers.

However, they were just a bit...different for want of a better word. Not horrible but almost not like children. Almost too sensible and old before their time! Some might see that as a good thing, I don't.

I have considered HE because I think, certainly at primary, the education system in the UK is not ideal. However, I know that children get much more than just "learning" from going to school, so wouldn't take that experience away from my children.

I agree with what others have said about school being a stage toward independence.

So instinctive response, poor child they're missing out I'm afraid.

I have very mixed thoughts over it.

My first is to wonder if it is the result of behaviour problems. There is a reason for this - I work with challenging children and have known parents to take their children out of school rather than face action regarding non-attendance. I doubt these children are getting a good education.

There is a part of me that would love to HE though if I have a child, although only in the infant years, then I think school is necessary to prepare for later life.

I think part of the point is that a few parents want to be different.

My first instinct and real life experience is that the parents have massive issues with their own schooling that they transfer to their children in a very selfish way.

They choose what their Dc learn , they choose their activities, they choose their friends( via HED).

I haven't met a well balanced ,kind Hed child - they are all bloody nightmares encouraged by their parents.
Because the only thing that matters is that the childs needs are met ... ie fuck anyone else .

"Meh."? I nannied a HEd boy and his siblings. I plan to HE when I have children, it's relatively common down my way too. I'd then get interested and start asking about what you're doing today and topics your child is interested in at the moment, but I wouldn't be phased by it!

I don't think I'd do it if I didn't live in an area with such a good HE network though, If I lived in a relatively secluded area I donb't think it'd be fair (due to socialising, ironically).

We even have HE 'schools' down here, it's something both DP and I feel like we could get in on.

I don't see what children in school learn about socialisation that HE kids would miss out on?! Unless they are inside all day?

I mistrust schools. I'm desperate not to send my [future] kids to one too early. If they want to go when they are older, fine, they can, but it won't be my default. I was horrendously bullied from 5-college and none of my schools gave a shit. I also attended "no tolerance" schools I'm certain that between DP and I, we could get a child through KS2 in the core subjects. He could get them to A Levels in physics, electronics and computing without any outside help too if we ended up going down that route and there are so many alternatives (such as online classes and learning) that school doesn't need to be the default option, just one of many options.