To ask what is your instinctive response to hearing a child is Home Educated?

[NickiFury]

I am really interested to hear general opinions from everyone and hoping for some from professionals such as teachers etc. I really want to know what people think because in the main in RL, the response is overwhelmingly negative. I've had people threaten to call SS on me because ds isn't in school, been told it's "weird" and seen this face a lot.

Now to me home education is a totally normal thing but I suspect this is only because we are immersed in this world and know lots of other HE families (you'd be surprised how many are out there).

What has made me think about this was a friend telling me today that people in our community know of me and ds without ever having met us because we are notorious as that woman who doesn't send her kid to school .

Btw I also have a child who does go to school and is doing well but no one seems to gossip about that.

So what would YOU think if you someone told you their child is home educated?

Thanks .

DS has numerous additional needs so needs that flexibility. At school he would be parked on the computer in the corner with headphones on or I would be called to pick him up half an hour in because he had melted down. He's learning more now than he ever could at school and flexibility is the key to that.

I'd be interested and wouldn't feel negative about it.

I'm mistrustful of it unless done for children who just can't be at school because of their additional needs. I don't know how parents think they have the knowledge that subject specialist teachers have and why their child isn't being allowed to interact with others.

Honestly, my first thought would be that the parents don't understand everything that schools offer. I have no doubt that a well educated parent could teach reading, writing, maths, science, languages etc. I cannot see how they can teach children all the wider life lessons that a school provides.

I would think, and say "Wow you must have the patience of a saint" and be a little bit jealous that it isn't an option I can pursue. DS1 showed very quickly that he was going to resisit every attempt I made to teach him anything, so I am as hands off as it's possible to be without completely ignoring him as it's too painful for everyone in the immediate vicinity if not.

Honestly, I do feel that school is the right place for the majority of DCs.

Even in primary school, no one teacher can meet all their learning requirements which is why our school has different teachers for French, PE, drama etc. It would be almost impossible for a parent to be informed on such a broad curriculum. I find it bizarre that pretty much any parent can whip their child out of school, without a full assessment of whether than would in fact be beneficial to said child.

Also unfortunately in life being able to conform is a useful skill. We can argue that it shouldn't be, but the reality is that the majority of us will need to work in companies at some point in our lives. School gives you the basic grounding of how that works. Yes I know that good Home Ed parents make sure that their DCs are involved with other DCs and have interaction - but I feel that it's the day to day stuff, learning how to be polite even when you are tired or having an off day, that you only get through constant interaction with other DCs.

Having said all that, through mumsnet I have now become convinced that for some DCs it is the right choice. If a child has been badly bullied, and their confidence shattered, and if it's impossible to get an appropriate school placement, then in some cases it seems like HE is the most appropriate course of action.

Home educated children aren't locked up you know. They get to interact with other people.

Well not mine, obviously I'm controlling and weird and have no life of my own so kept mine locked up in the cupboard under the stairs. Well it worked for Harry Potter...

I think I might make that face. Simply because I have no experience of anyone who has home schooled and because I worry about the social interaction.

I have looked in to HE a little and I realise there are groups that can offset the social interaction concerns but it's always my automatic concern when it is discussed.

Saying that, if I met you, I'd inundate you with questions about how it worked in reality and how (if at any point) you planned to integrate back into the education system eg for exams.

I admit we were forced into it. It's not something I would ever have considered if decent and suitable provision could have been found. He didn't come out till Year 3 so we have it a fair crack of the whip.

Admittedly, my intial thought when I came across this previously was 'wow, that must seriously disadvantage the child'....my concerns were:

1. Child's success depends entirely on the teaching skills of parents, who may not have a lot of background knowledge in certain areas or not know the subject in enough depth
2. Not following the national curriculum - poor exam results
3. Lack of social interaction for children
4. Well, all the home-edders that I've seen on tv are a bit odd, really.

I have since become friends with a lovely lady who home eds, and have even helped out. She started home-edding her eldest DS who was ASD, and ended up doing it for her NT DD too, who was struggling quite a bit at school.

It has changed my perspective - her DD is doing brilliantly now and is involved in a lot of activities and groups. She has a good network of friends, most of whom attend mainstream school.

I feel sorry for the child, as a gut reaction. I know a number of children who are not in school for various reasons, and are either home schooled or have a small number of tuition hours at a centre per week. They appear to miss out on the structure and friendship that attending school brings, and no matter what clubs and activities they do go ensure they mix with other children, they have always seemed out on a limb from their peers.

I would think the children might be missing out on opportunities to meet other children and form friendships with those they may never come across in just normal day-to-day life. I think it's important that children meet and mix with other children from different backgrounds/cultures in order to learn how to be accepting of other people and their views/beliefs. I would worry that Home Schooled children might be quite isolated from the 'real world'.

Surely school is also about children taking that positive step away from their parents in order to start their journey of becoming independent? I'm not sure how/if Home schooling might impact on that?

Not read the thread as you asked for instinctive-

mine is 'You mad / brave person, choosing to spend all that time with your dc and taking on the responsibility of educating them'. But I was glad to go back to work after 6 months mat leave and often feel I am going back to work for a rest after a week's holiday. I'm an introvert and need both physical and mental space which I don't get with the kids.

I have a child with ADHD and I know quite a few other kids with autism, adhd, or some other form of SEN, and a few of them are homeschooled or have been at times when school was simply causing too much heartache.

So my first thought would be to wonder whether the child had any form of SEN that had made mainstream school impossible.

Maybe this is not fair on many homeschoolers whose kids are NT, but it is always my first thought.

My initial thought is that the child is either 'too precious' for school, has special needs, or parents are those reclusive types.

I find this really interesting.

When I was a teenager, I met a previously HE boy. He had aspergers, although we didn't know it at the time because he chose not to disclose, and frankly, he seemed a little odd. Later, when I got to know him, he disclosed his aspergers and it all made sense that the way he chose to describe HE was very formal and stilted - it was the phrases he had learned from the various HE organisations.

Then, as an adult, I met a group of children who were HE. I was curious, but whenever I asked 'what have you been learning today' they would simply say 'our passions'. I felt it was defensive and it added to my sense of HE being 'odd' and 'wrong'.

Last year, DD3 started school and her friend also started at a different school. A few weeks later, he was out of school for HE. I was interested in my friend's perspectives, but very sure that school was for DD3. I didn't consider her reasons odd, or anything other than sensible, for her.

DD2 was struggling badly at school and begging me to HE her. I eventually decided that enough was enough and deregistered her. I have one in special school, one in mainstream primary and one at home. They are each getting the education they need, because they are each individuals.

Now, I meet with quite a number of HE families. The thing I've realised most from talking to them, is that they are just as varied as non-HE families. They all have different ideas about how to raise their children (from each other, as much as from those who don't HE). They have different positions on just about every element of life.

So when I hear someone is HE, now, I don't 'think' anything. I want to know what they think about life.

brokenhearted it sounds like you had a really awful experience. I agree that being NT and having no say in your own education must have been very damaging for you.

At the same time I think your experience is quite extreme and I think many home educated children have been forced into that situation.

I have to say the HE kids I have encountered are, in the main, interesting and articulate and I don't see much difference between them and the children I see at dd's school. Any bad behaviour at groups is dealt with immediately by the nearest parent and there is a certain structure that actually reminds me of school.

Ds goes to a judo lesson with a Sensei who is no nonsense as it's possible to be and the kids respond to that so well, even ds who would be made anxious by firmness and shouting at school. For some reason he is able to join in and interact with her and his classmates in a way he never could at school.

Feel very sorry for the child.

I already posted that my DC do go to school, broken. They were HE for 1y and 3y as I felt 4 was far too young to start school. They have been at school for 1y and 2y now and love it. I can't imagine them ever complaining about the HE they've had so far and if they choose to go back to HE then it'll be their choice so why would they complain then?

I'm sorry your experience was so awful but that's like me saying school is crap and makes for unhappy children because it was for me.

P.S school wasn't at all crap for me, I was just making a point.

Oh, I will say when I was homeschooled for a year with DB, my mother put a lot of work into her lessons. We had to learn about the French Revolution and she had us do really ridiculous asinine chores in the house (like scrubbing the tile grout on the floor with a tooth brush), and then gave us a really small lunch that she knew we didn't like to try and give us a feel for what it was like any why everyone was unhappy. Then after we got to "revolt" and look up recipes for really good french food and had a huge dinner. While we talked about how much freedom rocked. Anyway, I never forgot the lesson even 15+ years later.

So a lot of moms do put a ton of work into it.

Also, at least here you have to follow a certain criteria that are outlined on the state guidelines you have to follow. You can't just decide to skip math or something you don't like teaching. We were both able to go to school just fine the next year after we all decided that homeschooling was nice. Getting a break from each other for 7 hours a day was better. :)

I would think the family was religious (like, very religious, not just "we go to church for the schools"/"we got married in the church where I grew up" religious) because the only HE people I know are very Evangelical Christian/Christian Union types.

Second reaction that either the child had difficulties with school, they have special needs not catered for, or simply parents with odd views.

I think it's because school is where children start to have a totally separate life from their parents. From 9-3 ish they are in a world that's totally theirs. For a parent to choose to remove them from their peer group unless they are having serious issues at school seems bizarre to me. It's the ultimate helicopter parenting to be in every aspect of their life and make them your job.

It seems like imposing an alternative lifestyle choice on them. I'm sure they can come out of it well balanced, educated individuals but it robs them of an experience shared by the vast majority of the population.

Having said all that, I'm sure that 99.9% of parents that home ed wouldn't be doing it if they felt that their local school could provide their child with a happy and productive learning environment. The above probably applies to fundamentalist Christians in the US.