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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what is your instinctive response to hearing a child is Home Educated?

999 replies

NickiFury · 12/06/2014 16:31

I am really interested to hear general opinions from everyone and hoping for some from professionals such as teachers etc. I really want to know what people think because in the main in RL, the response is overwhelmingly negative. I've had people threaten to call SS on me because ds isn't in school, been told it's "weird" and seen this Confused face a lot.

Now to me home education is a totally normal thing but I suspect this is only because we are immersed in this world and know lots of other HE families (you'd be surprised how many are out there).

What has made me think about this was a friend telling me today that people in our community know of me and ds without ever having met us because we are notorious as that woman who doesn't send her kid to school ShockGrin.

Btw I also have a child who does go to school and is doing well but no one seems to gossip about that.

So what would YOU think if you someone told you their child is home educated?

Thanks Smile.

OP posts:
TillyTellTale · 16/06/2014 15:33

magical Ah, sorry, I thought your post suggested you though you'd said it to me. Sorry for misunderstanding. It wasn't just the use of [sic]. You didn't need to point out her spelling at all, without or without Latin tags.

How could I have improved my point at 16:50 on Friday? Or for that matter my post where I expressed concern about 5 GCSEs being seen as the ideal, without further analysis?

I see you've changed your mind about my posts from last night. Grin Interesting. But thank you!

Mammuzza · 16/06/2014 15:37

What style of home education defence have I employed?

Put down the HE hat and the HE filter. Read your own posts with an immagine "not so keen on the idea of HE" lens.

If you can't, find an HE skeptic, somewhere, anywhere, get them to read the thread and ask them to what extent your posts

a) cemented their Hmm HE position.
b) softened their Hmm HE position.

And then ask them why.

I honestly think HE is doomed to being stuck with way too much "shoot self in foot" flavoured PR forever, if those producing it honestly can't see the significant role it plays in maintaining the "generally quite critical" public view of HE.

magicalriff · 16/06/2014 15:38

Which posts from last night, Tillytelltale? I said I agree with some of your early points, from posts, I didn't specify which (correct me if I'm wrong)

Mamuzza I'm still waiting for apology now I've supplied some of my past posts where I discuss HE failings and ineffectiveness of safeguarding, amongst other things (though you might have read through yourself and saved me the trouble).

Mammuzza · 16/06/2014 15:40

I shan't explain again.

In all honesty, you'd have been better off not trying to explain it at all.

Good job those HEing parents of dislesic children know where their primary loyalities lie, eh ?

TillyTellTale · 16/06/2014 15:43

Tilly, you've been chippy (can't think of a better word) throughout this whole thread.

I can't remember anything of sense, or not a personal attack on others, that you've typed.

Now you're claiming I was sensible earlier on in the thread!

magicalriff · 16/06/2014 15:44

*"What style of home education defence have I employed?

Put down the HE hat and the HE filter. Read your own posts with an immagine "not so keen on the idea of HE" lens.

If you can't, find an HE skeptic, somewhere, anywhere, get them to read the thread and ask them to what extent your posts

a) cemented their hmm HE position.
b) softened their hmm HE position.

And then ask them why.

I honestly think HE is doomed to being stuck with way too much "shoot self in foot" flavoured PR forever, if those producing it honestly can't see the significant role it plays in maintaining the "generally quite critical" public view of HE."*

That is no answer! You haven't answered my question, Mamuzza. What style of home education defence have I used and where? Please do tell.

And you're still not big enough to apologise for your 'mistake' earlier where you accuse me of wanting to silence failings and swiftly moved on after being provided with quotes to the contrary.

IncognitoErgoSum · 16/06/2014 15:44

Madrigals: I just googled for some stats and apparently one LEA did survey local HE dc to see what proportion achieved 5 GCSEs - it was 10% of HE dc

These stats are very suspect. Apart from being a very small sample (100) in one LA (Dudley), there is a high likelihood that these DC had SEN. There is no record of all HEers and no record of the educational setting of GCSE candidates. So we have no way of seeing if this is typical.

Of my own DC, one has a single iGCSE and a law degree (admitted to uni on the basis of 130 OU credits) and the other has 1.5 A levels (admitted to uni on the basis of 210 OU credits and an A in maths A level). Lots of anecdotes could be written based on this data but would not generalise across the HEverse. The most we can say, IMHO, is that an HE young person is likely to have non-standard qualifications. This is not necessarily a barrier to future study and career but may be.

magicalriff · 16/06/2014 15:49

Now you're claiming I was sensible earlier on in the thread!

No, I said you made a couple of sensible points within posts (if we ignore the many ranting, incoherent posts).

And to think you criticised others for their poor reading comprehension (amongst other things) yesterday. I've also just had to correct you where you wrongly attribute my conversation with Inanotherlife .

Which posts from last night, Tillytelltale? You still haven't responded. I said I agreed with some of your early points, from posts, I didn't specify which (correct me if I'm wrong).

magicalriff · 16/06/2014 15:53

"What style of home education defence have I employed?

Put down the HE hat and the HE filter. Read your own posts with an immagine "not so keen on the idea of HE" lens.

If you can't, find an HE skeptic, somewhere, anywhere, get them to read the thread and ask them to what extent your posts

a) cemented their hmm HE position.
b) softened their hmm HE position.

And then ask them why.I honestly think HE is doomed to being stuck with way too much "shoot self in foot" flavoured PR forever, if those producing it honestly can't see the significant role it plays in maintaining the "generally quite critical" public view of HE."*

That is no answer! You haven't answered my question, Mamuzza. What style of home education defence have I used and where? Please do tell.

And you're still not big enough to apologise for your 'mistake' earlier where you accuse me of wanting to silence failings and swiftly moved on after being provided with quotes to the contrary.

TillyTellTale · 16/06/2014 15:54

magical Already responded. You're quoting me.

Me: "I see you've changed your mind about my posts from last night."

This means, you are posting different things about me from what you posted last night.

You: "Which posts from last night, Tillytelltale?2

Me: you said this Tilly, you've been chippy (can't think of a better word) throughout this whole thread.

I can't remember anything of sense, or not a personal attack on others, that you've typed.

Now, how can I improve my posts? Take the one on Friday, at 16:50, and the one about 5xGCSEs still limiting opportunities for starters.

magicalriff · 16/06/2014 16:07

My opinion of your incoherent, verbose rants and behaviour towards others remains unchanged. Obviously. Hope that clarifies for you.

I said it was a shame (perhaps you recall?), because you'd made some sensible points earlier, during the actual, if distant seeming now, home ed. discussion.

And though you may mock, posters, on and off thread, have said they are afraid to become embroiled by challenging your behaviour. And that, as I said earlier, would be the most sensible course.

How can you improve your posts?
I suspect you don't really want my help on that. And to be fair, I wouldn't know where to begin.

losingmybelt · 16/06/2014 16:19

First instinct (which may not be right, but it's what immediately springs to mind)
Socially inadequate parent, who finds the whole schoolgates/parent evenings/volunteering side of school life too daunting.
So decides to bypass all that and home school.........
Which then produces another socially inadequate person......

It all sounds a bit selfish to me.

Fideliney · 16/06/2014 16:20

Incognito makes a good point about OU credits etc not appearing in LEA stats.

LEA stats generally are in any case highly dubious and most of those available were cobbled together in response to parental FOI requests in the wake of the Badman review.

The main thing we learnt from that spate of FOIs was how little the LEAs knew.

(But do carry on squabbling amongst yourselves)

Fideliney · 16/06/2014 16:21

RTFT too daunting losing? (just a guess)

TillyTellTale · 16/06/2014 16:23

You're not Columbo in disguise, then.

Why did this post: Sadly toothurty and atia, as a grown-up, ex-home-educated-child, I do recognise the descriptions. Sometimes home-ed turns out great, and people go to Oxbridge. Sometimes it doesn't go so well. receive the response it did? Why?

My posts are too long? But they need to be as long as they are, to put the qualifiers in, so that I can try to be fair.

And for any posters, I've scared, I'm sorry. Amongst others, I don't have any huge overweening aggravation with the OP, both because of her posts, and because I'm automatically on the side of anyone's whose child with ASD has experienced physical restraint. I will reassure you that within days of joining MN, I had MN Home Education hidden, and I then hid the whole of MN Education, because of the integral crossovers. I only allow myself to post on HE on the main boards. You do have your safe space.

As concerning the main thread
I realised I hadn't explained what instrumental and relational understanding were, so here's a link to a blog that discusses it quite well, as a starting point. heathermathed.blogspot.co.uk/2010/01/relational-understanding-and.html

losingmybelt · 16/06/2014 16:24

Of course that's my first instinctive impression.... Which could I admit I could be wrong about. But I'm only answering OP' s question (which is first impressions) so no shooting the messenger :)

AlwaysOneMissing · 16/06/2014 16:24

I have followed this thread from the beginning. And I'm afraid magical that mamuzza is right.
I've never seen such a negative advert for HE as you are displaying now. Some great bullying techniques you are attempting to use on Tilly too - who's posts are most definitely not incoherent.

magicalriff · 16/06/2014 16:32

"My posts are too long? But they need to be as long as they are, to put the qualifiers in, so that I can try to be fair."

To be fair, some of your later posts were just long rants, others have mentioned them also.

"Why did this post: Sadly toothurty and atia, as a grown-up, ex-home-educated-child, I do recognise the descriptions. Sometimes home-ed turns out great, and people go to Oxbridge. Sometimes it doesn't go so well. receive the response it did? Why?"

I wasn't one of the respondents to that post, so cannot say.

IncognitoErgoSum · 16/06/2014 16:37

If I get time later, I may start a thread about Tilly's substantive issues and would be glad to see here on it. This one is about to reach the max number of posts on people arguing about who said what and how it was meant.

magicalriff · 16/06/2014 16:44

Bullying indeed! I actually stepped in, wrongly I see now, to challenge Tilly's behaviour towards other posters (I ought to have just ignored). I have one of them making unfounded allegations, refusing to apologise when provided with evidence to contrary, and I'm the bully Hmm .

Mamuzza started by making unfounded accusations against me then swiftly moving on, without apologising, after being provided with evidence to the contrary. I don't see how that can be justified.
She has also failed to provide example of the supposed home education defence style I have used and where.

I disagree. Some of Tilly's rants aimed at people were incoherent.

GrannyOnTheSchoolRun · 16/06/2014 16:55

I wanted to speak to people about how we went about doing HE with our son and not just as a diversion to the catfight thats going on. Sometimes there's no need to write about things on an intellectual level/bun fight level, sometimes its just nice to hear about someone and let people ask how did you manage that, how did you approach this, etc etc etc.

I think this thread has been a bit of a missed opportunity for some of those who've been so dismayed by the goings on they decided to give it a body swerve.

Fideliney · 16/06/2014 16:57

I think this thread has been a bit of a missed opportunity for some of those who've been so dismayed by the goings on they decided to give it a body swerve.

I couldn't agree more Granny Sad

Fideliney · 16/06/2014 16:58

I think this thread has been a bit of a missed opportunity for some of those who've been so dismayed by the goings on they decided to give it a body swerve.

I couldn't agree more Granny Sad

Fideliney · 16/06/2014 16:58

I think this thread has been a bit of a missed opportunity for some of those who've been so dismayed by the goings on they decided to give it a body swerve.

I couldn't agree more Granny Sad

Fideliney · 16/06/2014 16:58

I think this thread has been a bit of a missed opportunity for some of those who've been so dismayed by the goings on they decided to give it a body swerve.

I couldn't agree more Granny Sad