To ask what is your instinctive response to hearing a child is Home Educated?

[NickiFury]

I am really interested to hear general opinions from everyone and hoping for some from professionals such as teachers etc. I really want to know what people think because in the main in RL, the response is overwhelmingly negative. I've had people threaten to call SS on me because ds isn't in school, been told it's "weird" and seen this face a lot.

Now to me home education is a totally normal thing but I suspect this is only because we are immersed in this world and know lots of other HE families (you'd be surprised how many are out there).

What has made me think about this was a friend telling me today that people in our community know of me and ds without ever having met us because we are notorious as that woman who doesn't send her kid to school .

Btw I also have a child who does go to school and is doing well but no one seems to gossip about that.

So what would YOU think if you someone told you their child is home educated?

Thanks .

This thread is becoming what I really didn't want it to be so I am bowing out now. It's been extremely useful though so thanks very much for all the input.

Just read the last few posts, and I think in the HE world 'socialisation' is often said tongue in cheek because it's a bit of a joke for those of us who HE. This is because it's one of the very common questions HE parents get asked and after a while it's quite funny. Possibly a tad boring too. Because most families who HE try very hard to check that their children get a huge variety of experiences, with all sorts of people, adults and other young people. My children are very well 'socialised' in fact.

Nicki, I think you're right about them being 'insular'. But I can assure you that they're there in a number of London boroughs. And tragically, if some representatives of the HE community weren't so implacably hostile to the idea of the right for all children to be heard and seen by people outside the family on some occasions, then this small number of children who are isolated and alone in their dysfunctional and sometimes abusive families, could be heard and helped.

The response that makes me really sad is the idea that children have to go to school to learn to cope with bullies as that is what life is like. Would anyone say to someone in a DV situation that they just need to toughen up and cope?

I would never say to any bullied child to 'toughen up and cope' (if by cope you mean put up with it.

But bullies are rife, in childhood and adulthood. Learning how to deal with them effectively is important.

Well said Basketz

Maybe some parents who have no real idea about HE actually think HE children are somehow BARRED from Brownies, Scouts, Sunday School, Boys Brigade, Drama Clubs, Astronomy Society, Book Groups, Football, Ice Skating, Ballet, etc etc etc? That they all just live in 'H E world'

i hope that they are being encouraged to mix with other kids.

I have limited experience of HE, with only one family i know of doing this. Their children don't seem to see any other kids, which i feel is a real shame. Perhaps a few times a month. I know they do have a broad range of interests, but then so does my dd who has interests in and out of school.
I believe it suits some parents principles and views on education, but is based on their experience, which isn't often positive. My memories of school aren't fab, but my dd loves it, and i am glad she has been given the chance to try it.

And is learning how to deal with bullies effectively actually what happens to children bullied at school? Do they emerge into the adult world able to cope better with unpleasant people because they were made miserable for years of their childhood? Everyone says school helps children learn to deal with bullies - I see very little evidence of it. I don't think being unhappy for years prepares a child well for anything.

I agree with WeddedBliss. learning how to cope when someone is nasty to you and to stand up for yourself and involve the authorities appropriately and be assertive without being aggressive is an important life skill.
In my job I frequently come across adults who can't cope with people being unpleasant to them or not liking them. Learning strategies to cope with this aspect of life including realising that usually "it's them not me" is vital if you aren't to either be miserable in your job or resign from job after job.
Coping with bullies is completely different to just letting yourself be bullied and doing nothing. Parents and their attitides and support are very important here, the school should be supportive as well.

I wonder why the family has opted out of the mainstream. The causes of drop out could be

A very large proportion of parents who home ed are in fact ex teachers (I am a teacher who tutors and HEs) - that is probably quite telling in itself.

oh, I have noticed that HE people can be a trifle rude about school, but I conclude it is because they are always having their position challenged by people who think differently. I have sometimes been a trifle annoyed by the cliches one or two of them trot out about schools, as undoubtedly they are annoyed by the 'poor children, controlling parents, lack of socialisation' stuff.

This reply cracked me up - in the middle of comments about how weird, controlling, selfish, etc HEors are, a complaint that they can be "a trifle rude about school"?

My second reaction is that they look pale [I dont know that many]

And this one made me laugh too, because by this time of year my HE'd kids were always the healthiest-looking ones in the park or the swimming pool, amongst all the pale schoolchildren!

My instinctive response would be "lovely :) "

It is quite disheartening to hear so much negativity - I thought (wrongly I guess) that as so many more people now knew about HE, that people might be more tolerant.

But I suppose people don't actually know as much as they think they do about HE - e.g. most HEors don't actually sit their child down and deliver mini-lessons to them, it's much more about helping them find things out for themselves.

Why do people seem to think that school prepares kids for the real world?

Unless you work as a teacher then it really does not.

In the work place you work with people of all ages and backgrounds,not just those that were born the same year as you.

In the workplace if someone bullies you,you would not put up with it,it would/should be treated seriously.

In my job I frequently come across adults who can't cope with people being unpleasant to them or not liking them.

Were they all home educated?

I've always been interested in HE so when I met a HE family a while ago I asked the mum about it. I wanted to know if the learning took place through doing normal day to day activities or if it was more structured than that. She said they didn't do either

DD1 (17) had some problems that started in Y1 and lasted the best of a year until I moved her to a different school. The problems disappeared instantly but if that second school hadn't worked out I would have HE.

I'd like to HE DD3 once DDs 1 and 2 finish school/college, so that we can travel.

The pale thing made me laugh too,my kids are outside all summer either in the garden or on the beach,they are a lovely deep golden colour (they are not pale naturally anyway but they do go a gorgeous colour,i am very jealous!!)

I know of one family who HE and one who are considering it. Unfortunately, both mothers (who would be the educators) are woefully unable to string together a correctly grammatical sentence and also struggle with basic maths.

I'm intelligent, I have degrees (in the arts), I have professional qualifications (in the sciences), I am capable of conversing in 3 different languages other than English, but i feel woefully under qualified to teach a child.

that's me.

I couldn't have the patience to HE.

Bravo to you op.

Actually my children chose to be home educated. We gave them the choice after a great deal of discussion and planning (between DH and me, as well as the DC). The catalyst WAS ds4 being utterly miserable because the school was unable to deal with his ASD, but it was his choice. DS 2 and3 opted for it later.The eldest was not HE - he was bullied for years. We gave him the choice. He opted to stay in school. He had a very mediocre experience of education. The others have always known they had the option to go back into the system.

I don't think it's a situation most HE parents get into without a great deal of planning, and it's something LEAs are supposed to check for.

I get jealous. I would have loved being homes schooled.

Very insular
Obsessive parents
Immature play -nt 15yr old playing with teddies and having endless photos taken playing with them
Lack of structure
2/3 religious
1/3 seems utterly normal and has 5 kids ranging 5 to 13
I know 3 USA families and only 1 is "normal" in my opinion

Don't know anyone in uk who does

We who HE should not be disheartened by the responses here, I think. The misconceptions are ones we hear all the time. The OP did want 'instinctive' answers. They are very varied but nothing is a huge surprise IMO. And really quite a lot of them are positive.

Clever (and wealthy) parents is the response we most often get. I suspect people also mainly think we're weird hippy homeschoolers, though.

Have never had a negative response. The very worst, and only rude person, laughed and asked why.

I don't think that non-HE parents on here understand the way that HE works. My kids have structured lessons (many do not) as that is the best way for them to learn. I am an English teacher and DH has a degree in maths, a background in physics/chemistry and currently works in IT so we are lucky that between us we can cover quite a lot. Our kids are well above the national average (I test them periodically). Anyway, what we can't offer, we use the vast amount of HE groups around us to obtain eg drama, sports, music, crafts and there is the opportunity for various languages (my two do French). It also gives them the opportunity to experience the dynamics of working in a group.

I was not a natural pro-home edder. My son did attend school but it offered him nothing and he was not happy (he has some SENs). We moved to HE and it has been utterly fantastic. We home ed our NT child too as it is so great. They have lots of friends and their 'sociability' has been commented on by other adults.

We can take cheap holidays and we're studying British history by visiting important sites for every period of history. Home education is brilliant and very child centred. My children love it. For us the only downers have been price - things cost a lot more than just sending them to school and the loss of one parent's income.

QOD - how do you define 'normal'? When I look around the small town I live in, I see a huge variety of people. Most of them do or have attended school. How can they all be 'normal'?

"Its mainly controlling parents with no life of their own and want their children with them 24/7."

I'm sorry that was your experience. That isn't how home ed. works for us or anybody we know. Your post seems familiar, were you the person who posted a while ago about not achieving the desired qualifications to enter a particular field or profession?