To ask what is your instinctive response to hearing a child is Home Educated?

[NickiFury]

I am really interested to hear general opinions from everyone and hoping for some from professionals such as teachers etc. I really want to know what people think because in the main in RL, the response is overwhelmingly negative. I've had people threaten to call SS on me because ds isn't in school, been told it's "weird" and seen this face a lot.

Now to me home education is a totally normal thing but I suspect this is only because we are immersed in this world and know lots of other HE families (you'd be surprised how many are out there).

What has made me think about this was a friend telling me today that people in our community know of me and ds without ever having met us because we are notorious as that woman who doesn't send her kid to school .

Btw I also have a child who does go to school and is doing well but no one seems to gossip about that.

So what would YOU think if you someone told you their child is home educated?

Thanks .

My thoughts? I have met and worked with some families where it really worked (gifted young sports people with parents educating them around their sport) or quirky 'alternative' lifestyle families. I have met a significant number of families where tragically the child's needs came second to the parental issues or hostility to the State / education system / a particular school. I have worried so much about some children in families where parental opposition to the state/officialdom meant that children became 'sealed' inside a family home and I feared for their emotional health and well being - the parental right to home educate and to deliver as narrow a curriculum as they wished and their right to deny any access to their child was absolute (unless an LA shouted about safeguarding - which of course there may be no evidence of without access to a child). It has always puzzled me that parental right to home educate consistently take precedence over a child's right to an effective and full education.

Why are you assuming it's ignorance?

You asked for initial responses and that is what the thread is about.

If someone asked me my opinions on not vaccinating children or controlled crying, I would say I disagree with those parenting choices. It's not because of lack or understanding or ignorance. Everyone is entitled their own opinion, no-one is forcing anyone to go to school or HE. It's a choice, not everyone has to agree.

Because loads of posts on here have talked about concerns that aren't an issue e.g socialisation. All the HE kids I know get tons of socialisation often in group and quite disciplined environments. Also about doing it for religious being their first thought. I don't know anyone that HE's for religious reasons. Spending 24/7 with parents - we don't.

You're not informed of the reality, yet many of you have such strongly negative opinions.

My first thought is "controlling parents" . Although I do know one mother who I feel does offer a decent quality home education to her children.

I CAnt imagine believing i could do a better job than the teachers. I enjoy being away from my children and they enjiy being away from me.

Id think u were bonkers.

My first thought would be either quirky parents, or child who was not settled at school.

I have friends who HE, although not local to me, but see all their stuff on Facebook. They just have different, unconventional lives, and don't like structure, so I guess it works for them

Nicki, I can assure you that there are a significant number of HE parents in some parts of the country with some very fundamentalist religious views home educating their children.
There are also a number of parents in London who home educate in London because they are unhappy with the secondary school allocation.

Arrogant parents
Poorly socialised children

the whole idea of he for 'religious' purposes is that you dont then hang out with anyone not in your sect, so it is unsurprising you dont know any, nicki

I HEd mine for a while (started when one was pulled out of school due to bullying and the others followed) In the end they went back into school (a different one) because that was right for us as a family. My friend pulled her ds out at 11 when he was very badly bullied on starting secondary - a child who wanted to learn and couldn't understand why the others were misbehaving. Where she lived there was no other school that would take him within easy traveling distance. He was motivated and petty much taught himself. He went back into school for GCSE years and did well- at that point he was more able to deal with the rougher kids than he had been at 11. I was a teacher, and have done a lot of research on HE, I think it's a fabulous option for lots of kids, part of me wishes we had carried on.

All the HE kids I know get tons of socialisation often in group and quite disciplined environments

One thing I especially dislike about HE (and is usually said by the parent) is talk about 'socialising' their child. It reminds me of someone taking their dog to puppy training classes to socialise them at set times

'Socialising' in the way I have seen Home Educators do (meeting other HE kids for lessons/visits/clubs two or three times a week) is just so artificial. You take them there for an hour or two, then bring them home, and frequently (again IME) the parent is there throughout.

Where is the independence for your child? Attending school is so much more than just 'socialising'. It's getting the chance to learn from a wider range of people, all of whom have different knowledge and experience. It's learning to be independent, knowing when and how to conform when necessary, having a huge variety of people that you learn to get on with day-in, day-out...and so much more.

I am quite passionate about schooling for children really.

I'm sure there is Sarine but I live in London and in my HE community I don't know a single one. Perhaps they keep themselves separate even within the HE community?

And the secondary school issue, yes I am aware of that because there are some terrifyingly bad ones here, ones where the police sit outside at the end of the day to prevent trouble kicking off.

I'd think, if not SN:
Be careful when rejecting a privilege that the majority of the global population do not have and that many people fight hard for
Arrogance - I'm a lecturer with UG and PG qualifications -and I don't believe I could educate widely and well, certainly not at secondary level
That one of the huge advantages of education out of the home is the variety and contradiction of opinion and others experience a child is exposed to
The loss of an independent life for a child where they are themselves and not your child and deal with the problems and advantages that brings

OP

How much time per week do your children spend without you or any other family member in charge?

How do they react to instructions from complete strangers in authority?

Do you really think that you know enough to teach them a properly broad curriculum?

How do you earn a living before they leave home - or are you claiming benefits because you choose not to go out to work?

weddedbliss I have found talk of "socialisation" done far more by none home edders on this thread. I certainly do not and have not talked about socialising my child except in response to those citing it as a concern on this thread.

As I have also said, many of the children I know attend groups alone too, travelling there independently. Mine doesn't because he can't.

What I've found since ds3 has gone into THE WORLD aka yooni (an RG yooni I'll have you know) after HE is that there's so much more room in the coal shed - so I get to lie down for hours at a time while ds4 reads his prayer book (albeit an atheist prayer book) by torchlight. It works beautifully for all. And people are always amazed at how much my DC know, and how 'normal' they are. *

• I made the last bit up - we are all as mad as box/coal shed of frogs. I've found it helps in the world to be a bit eccentric.

But NickiFury, your experience is not everyone's. I was HE'd for religious reasons (and so was every other HE'd child I ever encountered, as we were all in the same religious group).

We also were not socialised at all, except for "church" (where we sat and listened quietly), and enforced worship/preaching.

Other than those limited periods of contact, we were all kept in the house 24/7, with our parents (who didn't work) and each other. I wish I could say it was a good experience, but it was hell, and degenerated into a lot of dysfunctional behaviour and abuse.

I don't think its any more right for me to believe my experience is the norm (I don't), than it is for you to believe all HE'd children are happy and well socialised because that has been your experience.

Personally, I'm pretty convinced its a mixed bag, like much of humanity and life.

'Socialising' in the way I have seen Home Educators do (meeting other HE kids for lessons/visits/clubs two or three times a week) is just so artificial.

Oh yes very good. I see what you've done there. Because schools are renowned for being natural, organic environments

Most children schooled or HEed socialise in a range of groups formal and informal, educational and leisure, with and without parents, don't they?! All the DC I've ever met do, anyway.

I know three families where the children have been HE. Before knowing them I would have been neutral about HE, interested and want to know more.

However, in all three cases I wouldn't use the term "home educated", I would say "children didn't go to school". Two of the families were very similar - both husbands travelled a lot for work and both had large gaps between an older couple of DCs and a much younger DD (like gap of more than 10 years). Both mums had decided to travel with their DHs as much as possible and it was just easier to take the DD with them. Not much educating was done. One of the mums said that her DD would go to school "eventually" and that at that point the school would teach her to read and write .

The third family was in the "don't trust authority" camp. Three children supposedly HE by their father, but in fact spent their days roaming feral around their small holding doing manual work up to a point.

My instinctive response today to learning that a NT child was HE would be "meh, BS".

I love how mumsnet is a window into the real thoughts of people who would otherwise be polite and civil to my face

My response would 'oh lovely, me too'.

I think concerns that some children might be being educationally neglected are valid. There should be more oversight. I'd like to see a home ed organisation that supports people to give the best education possible to their child, perhaps offering mentoring and training for parents, rather than focussing on fighting for everyone's right to teach whatever fundamentalism they are in to.

The idea that I'm a controlling helicopter parent who can't let go just makes me roll my eyes. There are plenty of those at the school gates. I agree that HE isn't the best idea if your family is dysfunctional, but I see no way to police that, other than a healthy and aware HE community.

The response that makes me really sad is the idea that children have to go to school to learn to cope with bullies as that is what life is like. Would anyone say to someone in a DV situation that they just need to toughen up and cope?

talkinpeace my child has numerous additional needs including autism so is mainly with me or a family member. In school he had full time one to one so it's no different from there. Next year I will be looking at employing someone probably a "Manny" to spen time with him and give each other a break! He does quite often go away for a week with his grandparents to their home.

I'm not saying my experience is everyone's, but many of the "concerns" that have popped up seem to indicate that posters believe THOSE to be standard within HE. I am explaining that often those concerns are not the case.

The idea that I'm a controlling helicopter parent who can't let go just makes me roll my eyes. There are plenty of those at the school gates.

Ain't that the truth.

Far far more of them anongst them amonst my school gate mum circle than my HE mum circle, in fact.

Talkinpeace did you really just ask me about my financial situation and whether I was using benefits to fund educating my child? Something that no one else (no matter how highly trained) seems to be able to manage to do.