To ask what is your instinctive response to hearing a child is Home Educated?

[NickiFury]

I am really interested to hear general opinions from everyone and hoping for some from professionals such as teachers etc. I really want to know what people think because in the main in RL, the response is overwhelmingly negative. I've had people threaten to call SS on me because ds isn't in school, been told it's "weird" and seen this face a lot.

Now to me home education is a totally normal thing but I suspect this is only because we are immersed in this world and know lots of other HE families (you'd be surprised how many are out there).

What has made me think about this was a friend telling me today that people in our community know of me and ds without ever having met us because we are notorious as that woman who doesn't send her kid to school .

Btw I also have a child who does go to school and is doing well but no one seems to gossip about that.

So what would YOU think if you someone told you their child is home educated?

Thanks .

Cross-posted with several PPs. So some schools are not following the law?

Good point zzzzz.
Sadly I realised a long time ago, that schools can only cope with children that are not outside of certain parameters.
It is "comprehensive" dont you know.
Everybody lumped in together and treated the same.

Twas ever thus?

I know lots of HErs, and my three have all HEd briefly (term off school, had a fantastic time, went back happily).
I know:

1 family that HEd until kids asked to go to school (all around age 10), one is now at Oxford and one at Cambridge, wonderful kids, musical, sporty and friendly, third kid severe congenital SNs but doing far better than anyone ever thought possible.

1 Jehova's Witness, happy confident kid, severely limited education, which I think is close to neglect and brain washing. I am pretty intolerant of fundamentalist religions though.

1 school phobic who is doing brilliantly after being dragged sobbing in to school in year 4-5, but now is learning many subjects and has almost regained social confidence due to amazing HEing parents. Her parents hope she will return to school.

2 world class musicians now launched on incredible careers, but very grounded people.

1 dancer who is just the most empathic and socially skilled person I know (he did go to dance school, but did academics at home).

One child who seems very nice and just extremely normal (don't know her so well, have just met 4 or 5 times).

I think I happen to know a lot of very nice open minded HEers, but they all have come to it for different reasons. I am always interested when I meet people who HE, because I feel that the ones I know are particularly thoughtful people, who have really considered what they are doing.

Joking btw!!!

I would think understandable if child had SNs or was bullied. If not I would think , why? Why do they think they can do it? Why would they want to ? Also poor child as even if they do lots of HE groups, they will be mixing with children whose parents have similar viewpoints to their parents.

They may follow the law once the parent points it out to them scone but they certainly don't help the parent be informed. You have to develop the skills of a trial lawyer to get through their defences. I used to take my difficult , yet extremely quick witted and analytical ex H to all our meetings as he was very good at cutting through their BS and telling them how things were going to be. The LA will also do anything to save a buck and will fight tooth and nail to keep your child in less costly mainstream even if your child is sinking without trace.

So some schools are not following the law?

Sadly so Scone.

Haven't read the whole thread but my honest immediate reaction would be hippyish and a bit wet or very religious and weird.

Been here long enough to know I should really have read the whole thread before posting in case I'm about to get flamed big time now.

I taught a HS student for his final 2 years (I'd call it G11 & G12)

Socially he seemed fine, academically he appeared fine for the first year, but he definitely struggled for the second.

(This was for IB Higher Level maths, many students struggle)

Just to give you an idea of why a family with no SN or bullying issues would consider it..

In our case DS struggled to adjust to high school. As in really 'if I told you it would sound exaggerated' type struggled for the whole of year 7. No SN's or bullying at all, he's a happy sociable sporty lad with many friends.
We looked into it, all the websites and even had a strategy in mind so he would gain qualifications and have the option of going into higher education if he wanted to. In the end the fact that it is so intense, all consuming and although we're pretty well educated we didn't have the knowledge to cover certain aspects of the curriculum in any depth.
I would do in a heartbeat if I thought I could throw myself into it as I would need to and the fact that I'll probably be working out of the home for part of the week within a year.
No lentils were weaves in the typing of this post

The LA will also do anything to save a buck and will fight tooth and nail to keep your child in less costly mainstream even if your child is sinking without trace.

The crazy part is that the LA both determine what provision a child needs and then fund it. I still can't believe that. The tighter budgets get, the more of a conflict of interest that becomes.

One of my son's best mates was home ed. He is now at bristol Uni doing brilliantly his mum is lovely and since about age 15 he was way ahead of his contemporaries with every day life stuff like banking travel etc. He set up his own business at 17 and runs that alongside university and he is just a lovely bloke. he is 20 now and very very capable in so many ways.

Instinctive thoughts; bloody hell, how do you not kill your children?

Wankers.

My ds is 11 noddy and has a bank account plus debit card and sells stuff on eBay using PayPal etc. His aunty was at the weekend when I told her

He also plans all our trips away, car hire, routes etc. I was getting stressed stuck in traffic the other day and worked out an entire alternative route that I hadn't even considered

You did ask, first thought "weird" second thought might be special needs, if not, still weird"

I agree with zzzzz I have very little in common with most home eders I meet. I recognise quite a few of the negative stereotypes in people I know. Particularly in relation to the lack of understanding of what goes on in schools and the defensiveness!

I work (self employed - I choose to prioritise DS in 'school hours' and am up at 5 and in bed at 11 to keep up a lot of the time, I will not be lost when he goes to school/college), I'm agnostic, I eat meat and convenience food and too many take aways, I have one in school, I really enjoyed primary school (although that was pre NC when the Government let teachers do their job), we are not school at home neither are we 'free range', I am keen on manners and responsibility and playing a valuable role in community as well as independence and responsibility.

I home ed the child I do because I believe it is in his best interests and he 'chooses' it - and yes we do ask regularly. I do constantly question whether I am doing the right thing, we walk a balance between what he wants to learn about and what I think he needs. If you read home ed forums (perhaps not the one on here) you will find that home ed mums are really self critical and there are huge levels of agonising that go on about approaches/materials/how little/much they socialise. What the over riding image that comes across is not controlling but trying to suit individuals. Arrogance is usually a mask to combat expected negativity

I would have hated it brokenhearted but your parents sound like they were controlling in ALL areas and ignored all your wishes.

I know it was wrong for you but do you see that there might be no other option with some children?

My first thought is always,god doesn't the mother ever want a break from her kids?!? My second is, rather her than me.

brokenhearted Both myself and my husband really wish we'd had the opportunity at secondary level. Not to hang out with parents 24/7 but my parents wouldn't have expected that.

I am sorry you had a bad experience. I haven't yet home eded into secondary age, my oldest opted for school then, but I do worry about crowding him then.

However, there are plenty of youth clubs/scouts/home ed activities/friends houses/parks/the beach/skateparks locally where he can go without me so it will be a case of playing it by ear.

My immediate reaction is to wonder why. My follow up reaction is to assume that there must be some way in which the child has been failed by mainstream education. That pisses me off. The idea that people feel there really isn't any other choice - that, to me, is unacceptable.

My general reaction is quite positive - if the parent feels able and has the time and resources to do it, then that's brilliant. It sounds like a lot of work though, and it's not for me personally.

The main concern for me personally is that I need to know that they have access to a lot of other professional and trained people who aren't me. That sounds odd, I know - I have issues, and I need to be sure that my children have people they can discuss these things with if they need to. Yes, not all adults they encounter will be brilliant, but thus far, all but one of the teachers and TAs I've encountered has demonstrated that they're brilliant at emotionally protecting my children. Giving them that network was important to me, and school was the easiest way of providing it.

I'm also very lucky in that the SEN provision for DS is brilliant at his school. He has severe dyslexia. He's coming on in leaps and bounds because the school have access to a literacy specialist. I tried to teach him to read for 4 years. He can't see the words on the page. It was never going to happen. His literacy teacher has got him to the point where he doesn't get upset when a book is opened, and he wants to attempt to write words down. I couldn't do that. I tried - it wasn't possible for me.

I supplement what they're doing by making sure he's clued up on current affairs, that he 'reads' books and poems with me so is exposed to proper literature. Everything we do is a learning experience (well, we have downtime, but I put quite a lot of effort in the rest of the time).

Every now and again I come across someone like Hedgetrimmer who's so judgemental about people who send their children to school. As if we drop them off at the door and give no more thought to them. Just because I don't homeschool doesn't mean that I'm not hugely involved in my child's education. I'm not talking homework specifically, but talking through what they've learned, what people have done, what's gone on in the playground, and making sure any issues are dealt with, sharing in the fun stuff that they tell me.

It feels to me like a power change in our relationship. I'm invited to share in their world, rather than the other way around, and I like that. They explain stuff to me, and they like educating me.