to think that maybe, just fucking maybe all of my 15mo "shortfalls" are not all down to my parenting choices?!

[SqutterNutBaush]

I am so sick of being told that any issues I may be having with my DD are because of the way I have parented her!

She doesnt nap during the day unless she's lying on one of us or in the pram.

She's clingy (to the point where she will not eat or sleep unless I am in the room/house in view).

She wakes every 3 hours at night and won't be calmed unless I feed her.

I ask for help but get told its because we're out at what should be nap times, because we use a sling and because she's Breastfed.

People also seem to have a massive issue with the fact she doesn't walk/talk, even though she has been cruising since 7 months.

I ask for advice and get told this is because we didn't have a jumperoo or a baby walker, she doesn't have hard soled shoes or because she wears cloth nappies.

I am so sick of hearing its because of something I'm doing wrong, I need fucking help not a critique of my parenting. I'm stressed about this stuff, I need a break but everyone is happy to sit back and judge whilst I try to stop myself from screaming!!

When you say you "want help", what do you actually want?

The only thing you need to worry about is whether your child points at things and looks at things you point to - this is a key preparation for language and shared experiences as she grows older. If she is not doing that - ask for a referral to a developmental Paed as this is an indicator of possible speech delay.

Late talking - not unusual
Late walking - not unusual

Clingy and trouble sleeping - I would suggest using/trying the baby whisperer method for sleeping purely because it worked for me. However, if she is clingy then she is clingy - again not unusual at her age as she will be aware of strangers being strangers and you being her mum, and babies prefer mum! The baby whisperer method may help as it offers reassurance but not constant holding. You will need a supportive partner to do this as it helps get baby attached to both parents not just super mum focussed - this helps for the 2 yr old stage!

Cloth nappies will not affect a child's physical or mental development, ditto co-sleeping.
My DD never did daytime naps, nor did she take a bottle, nor did she have a baby walker either, and she also had cloth nappies - there's nothing wrong with her now and she's 10.

Tbh, sleep is the best thing to try. You would be surprised how many things sleep improvements can fix.

You do need to be consistent though. Ask on the sleep boards!!

I think really that's all you need to do right now. The clingy thing may pass if she's better rested and can settle eithut breast feeding.

But of course you should carry on as you are if that feels right.

Cloth nappies causing problems with walking? How the heck do these people think babies learned to walk before disposables? And terries are much bulkier than modern cloth. My cloth bum DS cruised at 7mo and has just started walking at 13mo. No shoes, no jumperoos. Re walkers, it's the ones you sort of sit them in which aren't supposed to be good for development, but the little trolleys etc that they push along are fine (I specifically asked the paediatric physio who was lecturing baby group in dangers of baby walkers!) In any case, 15 mo is hardly panic stations for walking or talking. She'll do it in her own time.

Re sleep, have you looked at No Cry Sleep Solution? Also, lots of people recommend Jay Gordon for night weaning if feeding through the night is something you want to knock on the head.

Let me give you the only piece of advice I give to anyone. Do not take any parenting advice from ANYONE (including professionals) whose youngest child is older than two. They don't remember. They really don't.

There's a 16 month age gap between my pair and when I was handed DD2 I thought, what the heck do I do with this!! The other thing (and I'm sure you've found this as you've an older one too) is that they really are all SO different. So something that works for one will not necessarily work for anyone else. My first slept through the night at 13 weeks, still lies still to have her nappy changed, is easily distracted from tantrums etc., etc. Number two (aka Tiny Tempah) is my karma baby. I adore her - she's fabulous - but she's hard work.

You do sound like you need a break though. We did a version of controlled crying with DD2 which involved leaving her for really short periods of time. The key was not to count minutes, but to go back to her just before she got really revved up and cross. The first time, we picked her up until she calmed and then put her down with night night, [name], I love you. The second time, it was just "I love you" the third it was no talking at all and the fourth time I went in, I just sat in silence with my hand on her chest. Took about 5 nights until she was settling herself and a good few weeks before she was reliably sleeping through if you agree that 5.30am is a reasonable wake up time which I kind of don't. Now when she wakes in the morning, I bring her in with me, and she feeds while I fall back to sleep.

I would like to ask though....how in the name of all that's holy did anyone over the age of 30 learn to walk? We were all in bloody cloth nappies. DD1 didn't start to walk until 18 months by the way, and then only did it when she thought I wasn't looking. Like a pp, she was in line with her peers within about a week. Aged just two, she still doesn't have the confidence to jump, but she does everything else.

Only responding to OP but bless you. I have 3 DC, all parented pretty much the same. One barely ate, one took FOREVER to walk and talk, one rarely slept.

They are all different people. No-one expresses surprise that some adults are night owls, some are early birds, some develop insomnia, some can't get their butt out of bed in the morning. Some are quiet, some can't shut up if they're gagged, some like company, some need their own space and so on and so on. Look at siblings you know and reassure yourself that it isn't all down to parenting.

'They' aren't parenting your child. Deep breaths and developing a passive fairly disinterested smile will be your friend.

Napping in the pram is totally fine! You just have to figure out a way to make it longer than 15 mins. I used to wheel DD straight through the front door and out the back door into the garden. Sometimes I got a chair and rocked the pram with my foot every now and then. If she's willing to nap in the pram you can wean her onto napping in a stationary pram fairly easily by just cutting down the rocking. White noise is probably the key to prolonging naptime? So let her nap in pram outside, in a busy café...etc etc.

Coffee I probably am being sensitive but like I say I never asked for advice about walking it was helpfully pointed out to me that DD was "probably delayed" because of the nappies and not having a walker/jumperoo.

I don't have the space nor cash sitting around for these things even if I wanted them.

Staying in would be fine if I had someone else to collect my DS from school.

We stay in when possible, I can't choose when DD sleeps/doesn't sleep.

I'm not happy with any of it in all honesty I hate the way things are just now, I've thought about getting up in the middle of a long night and walking out and never come back. I'm nackered because I don't get a break from the clinging and crying yes I've asked for advice about sleep and I can promise you I've been told several times by family and a few friends (infact I was told again yesterday) "every breastfed baby I've seen is like that" or "formula fed babies are much easier" and the classic "there's a reason people have moved on from acting like cows" (thanks for that mum!).

Mine never had prop er shoes till they could walkthey had soft shoes only

Your mum is talking shite excuse my language dds were ff I had to sleep with dd1 for a while because she just wouldn't, will any of your family take her for you foran hhour or so

Coffee I want someone to speak to me and not insist its because of things ice done in the past!

Help me figure out how to look forward and give me advice that I can put in place now, not assuming that I did it wrong in the first place so now I'm fucked living in this shit every single day.

And yes if someone could deal with the screaming for 15 minutes so I could have a cup of tea I'd be grateful!!!

I should add that when DP comes home in the evening he tries to sit with her whilst I do stuff but I can still bloody hear her.

I would ask some different people for advice if I were you, and dont complain to people you know are going to be unhelpful.

With your first baby it seems like each stage lasts forever but it doesn't. Before you know it she'll be bigger and running around and yes she may always need a bit more reassurance of your presence, but she may not. She certainly won't be nappies, cloth, disposable or otherwise forever, she'll sleep eventually (it may be years it may be a few months) and 15 months is not late to be walking. Just do whatever you need to do to get through it and don't give two hoots what others say.

The endless advice annoyed me but I'm pretty thick-skinned.

I don't have many people to ask tbh.

Probably another part of the problem.

Apologies for sounding like a manically depressed child hater, I'm really not.

I just have to admit that I am bloody struggling to keep myself from walking out sometimes :(

That may well be true. For them. All the ff babies I know hae slept better than the bf ones. BUT- a small sample of friends babies is NOT definative on anything!!! Ask on here and there will be thousands of bf babies who sleep just fine and ff ones who never sleep at all.

Have you tried a comforter of some sort? Will she take a dummy. There's more than one type so of she didn't like cherry, try one of the flatter ones etc. What about sleeping with a muslin so it smells of you and giving her that? What does she sleep in? Would a gro bag help or swaddling? Or propping cot up so not completely flat?

Have you tried giving her a bottle or cup of water? Is it possible her dinner isn't agreeing with her and it's upsetting her tummy enough to wake her up?

There are things you can try. We all stuff up, every single one of us!! We have all created a habit that've have had to break! (That's if it even is a habit, that's the point we need to find out)

Consistency is key! And it's vital you give yourself a break, babies don't have instructions we just figure it out as we go.

I was told by someone at the HV clinic that my baby wasn't crawling at 9 months because the cloth nappies may have 'unsettled her hips'. Seriously.
She had no hip problems whatsoever and was happily running around and climbing anything that stood still by 18 months, it just happened suddenly rather than a gradual build up. Kids are different, and if you are happy with how you are parenting then stick with it. She was also quite a clingy child and didn't sleep well but I rolled with it and now she sleeps quite well and is a happy little thing.
Maybe she would be exactly the same had I been a little more forceful in implementing boundaries or whatever but I can look back and feel satisfied with my choices and that makes a difference to me. Dont feel pressured into parenting in a way that makes you feel unhappy, it's really not worth the stress. 'Twill all work out right in the end.

Does she have a teddy?

Just smile and bore them about attachment theory. My ds3 was exactly the same - a slow developer and needed to be carried, held, sleep with us, bf on demand until he was 2. How people laughed at me ("isn't ap meant to make them independent?... Massive fail, hahaha" - repeat ad infinitum).

He is still a little shy at nearly 3, but loves his own bed (having co-slept for 2 1/2 years) and is a very happy soul. I have no regrets.

However I do not underestimate how tough it can be for you. So and ignore.

My DD didn't walk until she was 16 months. And never took a nap during the day. You are doing nothing wrong. I would stop the night feeds though.

Oh and I do empathise with that feeling of 'please god stop the roundabout and let me the hell off for ten minutes'. I've been there, every time the toddler goes through one of those phases. It feels eternal I know. But it really really honestly will pass. And you arnt doing it wrong I promise, it's just a kid thing. Some days really are just 'grin and aim to survive till bedtime'.

Is there anything you can cut back on? Maybe, so you can out her in a nursery just one morning a week?

Give yourself some time away?

Painful, painful, painful!

So sorry OP, all of this is hard enough without feeling judged and blamed at every turn.

Children learned to walk when cloth nappies were the only option, a walker was something a very elderly person with trouble walking used and a jumperoo was an alien concept.

It hacks me off soooo much when people sit in judgement and tell you what you have done "wrong" all children are different. I couldn't get my DD to nap for more than 30 mins at a time, she was overtired, screamed endlessly and I was helpfully told "she's overtired" yes, I know, if I could make her sleep, trust me, I would.

Of course you want nothing more than for all of these issues to be resolved as YOU are the one who is affected by them, I cant stand it when people say, "oh my DC napped so well, but then, we were really strict with naps" what did you do, gaffa tape him to bed until he had no choice but to sleep? you can't force it, if you could no one would have any sleep issues with their children.

'They' also forget that at 15 months, you DC is still just a baby!! I wish I had answers for you but I am sure you have tried most if not all things.