to think that maybe, just fucking maybe all of my 15mo "shortfalls" are not all down to my parenting choices?!

[SqutterNutBaush]

I am so sick of being told that any issues I may be having with my DD are because of the way I have parented her!

She doesnt nap during the day unless she's lying on one of us or in the pram.

She's clingy (to the point where she will not eat or sleep unless I am in the room/house in view).

She wakes every 3 hours at night and won't be calmed unless I feed her.

I ask for help but get told its because we're out at what should be nap times, because we use a sling and because she's Breastfed.

People also seem to have a massive issue with the fact she doesn't walk/talk, even though she has been cruising since 7 months.

I ask for advice and get told this is because we didn't have a jumperoo or a baby walker, she doesn't have hard soled shoes or because she wears cloth nappies.

I am so sick of hearing its because of something I'm doing wrong, I need fucking help not a critique of my parenting. I'm stressed about this stuff, I need a break but everyone is happy to sit back and judge whilst I try to stop myself from screaming!!

DS didn't talk till he was 3. Quite a few people asked me 'if we talked to him a lot'. WTF, no, we leave notes for him on the fridge to keep him in the loop. YANBU.

I think the crux of it is do you need to change these things? Separate that out from what people think you should change. DS still most often gets into our bed at night but we don't really mind. I am still low on sleep but don't care enough about it to resort to harsher methods.

I've asked friends and family for help/advice about some things, professionals about others and some of the stuff (I.e not walking/talking) has just been brought to my attention by lots of people who then tell me she'd be better off with this or that.

I feel like everyone is judging me because I'm not doing it their way.

For example I had spoken to family about needing a break from the constant clinging and crying from DD even just for half an hour, I was told "I was well warned about breastfeeding" so "I just need to deal with it".

I asked friends about their DC's nap times and explained that my DD will only really nap on the way home from the school run in the pram but wakes as soon as we get in the door (15 min nap) and wondered if anyone else's was the same but apparently I shouldnt have let her get into the habit. Keep her awake and chuck her in the cot and do the same until she learns.

Health visitor has mentioned cloth nappies being to bulky and not giving her a chance to "practice" walking with a baby walker as a reason for "her delay". I hadn't asked about this I was asked if she was walking at baby clinic when I said no she mentioned a walker and jumperoo.

It sounds like we parent in a similar way but our children sound very different, often people say my ds is like he is because of the way ee parent him. He walked at 10 month-probably because we carried him in a sling and he never wore socks or shoes. He's super confident, he hardly looks over his shoulder to see where I am- probably because he's so secure because we co-sleep and held him constantly as a baby. He will sleep anywhere-probably because we are always out and about and he's happy to sleep on me.

I think people always attribute a child's behavior to tge way the parents are.

Ds also woke lots in the night to breastfeed, I really believe that often ( not always) night weaning does reduce night waking and also makes naps/daytime routine more regular.

On the sleep issue we've tried CIO and pick up put down methods but both have had no results.

Although we probably haven't done them long enough tbh as DD cries in the night and DS wakes up then gets upset because he can't sleep and has been known to fall asleep in school because of it so I can't leave her to long or it'll affect him too :(

Maybe I just need to moan and rant, I don't mind being given advice but what I do mind is the constant stream of "if you'd have done X then you wouldn't have this problem"

And yes I do get this a lot.

Well has the HV got a point? Step back from whatbyjunwrre is a criticism, maybe it wasn't phrased in the best way. Look at the nappy, could there be some truth in it? Do you think a walker or jumperoo could help?

Lack of opportunity can sometines cause a delay. It's not garunteed.

Its all bollocks. Deep breaths!

Once you have more than one, you realise how different children are and how you arent in complete control of them (understatement!).

DC1 - didnt sleep well, fussy eater, tantrums galore, clingy to me = thought I'd done it all 'wrong'

DC2 - slept through from 6 weeks, ate anything, smiley and rarely cried, loved everyone

Same parents, nothing much changed, they were just different characters.

FFs typos

Step back from what you think

Apologise for iPhone fail

Oh and Dc1 walked at 10 months, DC2 at 18 mths. We didnt 'do' anything differently and they are both huge gallumhing primary school age kids now and both fine!

Her nappies are modern slim fit ones, she's allergic to disposables.

She cruises fine its confidence with the actual letting go that stops her doing it from what I see.

She gets plenty of opportunity I didn't realise that walkers made any difference tbh, I was told with DS that they were bad for their muscle development.

I asked friends about their DC's nap times and explained that my DD will only really nap on the way home from the school run in the pram but wakes as soon as we get in the door (15 min nap) and wondered if anyone else's was the same but apparently I shouldnt have let her get into the habit. Keep her awake and chuck her in the cot and do the same until she learns.

This is worth a try though. Maybe give her some of the Organix carrot crisps or similar, to keep her awake. I used to do that with DS when getting him home from swimming class. Otherwise his afternoon sleep and my peace and quiet was screwed.

Just let it wash over you.

I still get told things are my fault as I have not trained DD..she is 7 and non verbal and quite disabled.

I'm not saying the HV is 100% right by the way. Just that people (I include myself in that) are clumsy in what they say and a suggestion can easily sound like. Criticism.

15 isn't late for walking. But with regards to the shoe comment, dd2 walked at 11 months. At home she walked ok as far as a kid of 11m does. I bought her cruising shoes as I get buses a lot and being able to stand her on the ground would help if I had to collapse buggy. I thought that this would encourage her to walk outside too and they wouldn't sell me proper shoes but assured me these would be ok to have a toddle in the playground or stand up at bus stop.

Two/three weeks passed and she wouldn't even walk one step in them.

I found dd1s old pair which were spookily the exact size. I tried them on her and off she went. The cruisers were holding her back.

Haven't met a 15 month old that talks as yet. Babbles yes, but talks?

We used a bouncy chair with DD2. She cruised v early 7 months I think, but didn't start walking until about 14/15 months. Your child is certainly not "delayed". Utter shite. Take her to the park with a brick trolley thing and when there's no furniture around to hang onto, she'll give it a go.

BF both mine and weaned at the same time (7/8 months), the first was a miserable sleeper, the second had clearly read Gina Ford in the womb. It's just personalities but sleep deprivation is a killer and will mean that you will take this stuff far more personally than you should.

School holidays soon - get through to then and then try for the sleep training. Preferably take DS away for a long weekend and leave DD to your DH if he's the patient sort . She'll settle for him as he can't feed her. Lots of different methods though - so do what works for you.

Develop a thicker skin - ask if they can offer anything more constructive than "you've made a rod for your own back". Of course you use a sling FFS, you have an older child and stuff to do. The days when you could park your child outside the front door in a large Silver Cross pram and go back indoors to do the hoovering are long since gone.

Arrange a few hours off, regularly, with nice friends so you have people to talk to (and won't be sitting in a quiet car obsessing abotu what's going on at home) and leave your DD with someone you trust. Yes she might cry a lot but it won't kill her. She'll be better by the third or fourth time as she'll get used to the idea that you'll be back.

People ask me when dd started to walk. I hesitate to say 1yr old because she would only walk holding my fingers until 18months.

She's 3yrs old and still clingy when tired. But she's a lovely giggly soul otherwise.

Neither of mine are good at sleeping. The 4yr old is in reception and started sleeping through in his own bed around the Christmas holiday/winter term period.

My daughter didn't walk until she was 2! I had a jumperoo, 2 walkers, loads of push toys and took her to loads of classes and stuff. Made no difference. My nephew walked at 9 months and had none of the above!

'They' can screw off

Most of this sounds just fine to me with a 15 month old. DS cruised from about 13 months to forever - at least it felt like at the time. In fact he walked at about 17 months, but due the amount of cruising he'd done, when he walked he pretty much set off steadily right from the start didn't fall over once that I can recall. He didn't "properly" crawl either just commando crawl. He didn't speak at 15 months either just the odd word. In fact he started nursery at 3yrs barely understandable.

If the sleep disturbance bothers you try Elizabeth Pantley No cry Sleep solutions - I found it excellent for DS with his extreme separation anxiety. It didn't help him sleep but I chilled out and it helped me sleep! He didn't sleep through the night until he was 7 so chilling out about it turned out to be a very good idea!

Some of DS's sleep issues are a part of his separation anxiety - I think he treats sleep as just one more kind of separation.

Good luck but unless there is any medical concern about your DD, I don't see there is any need to you to do anything about your DD. Practice saying breezily "Oh I'm not worried I'm sure she won't still be doing.... when she's 17"

With the sleep when you are trying different methods do you breastfeed when you stop trying? Is it breastfeeding she is waking for or is it to play/chat? If she's waking for milk and you give her milk if she cries for long enough she will just think she needs to cry and she'll get milk.

At 14 months she will probably understand no more breastfeeding at night, my ds was 13 months when we night weaned and I told him "no boobie in the bed" he wasn't pleased but he understood.

I was told the same about cloth nappies, I'd be interested to know if the average age of walking is lower now than when all babies wore big bulky nappies. I suspect people, even hv have been taken in by the clever marketing pampers and huggies.

You sound like a lovely mum! I parent like you and also read obsessively. As far as I know nothing you are doing will have a negative impact on your child's development, and in fact may well have a positive impact.

Everyone hits "milestones" at different times, and unless you/professionals have concrete concerns backed up by some sort of evidence ignore ignore ignore.

My babies have never had baby walkers or jumperoo and managed to walk with no problems. I have heard that cloth is actually beneficial in learning to walk and let's face it before disposables there was only cloth and people still learned to walk. In any case 15 months is still young to be walking and talking.

With regard to sleeping if you are sure that she is getting enough food during the day and you don't want to feed her at night, then stop. It is HARD, there will be lots of crying. I used methods like shush pat and pick up put down with my third. It was a pretty miserable time but better for us all in the long run.

Same with daytime naps, DS would only sleep on me so I started lying in bed with him, then progressed to sitting next to the bed, then standing near the door, then was able to just put him down.
If she isn't getting good quality sleep during the day then it may affect her sleep at night.

Clingyness is difficult. My niece was incredibly clingy but SIL didn't ever let anyone hold her after the first couple of weeks, even her husband. Then it was all panic when SIL had to go back to work and DN would scream if anyone went near her. I do think DN's issues were created and I think SIL enjoyed being the only one who could soothe her, she has massive control issues.

Baby walkers make no difference to walking just meanstthey can scoot around you sound knackered and sensitive ans just desperate for a break,

We only have the little leather soft shoes with the suede soles, I hadn't thought about cruisers or harder ones yet although as I say Im not actually worried about the walking that seems to be other peoples issues.

We normally do a few toddler groups through the week that DD enjoys but they're in the morning straight from the school run, wondering if its worthwhile stopping these to try and break the napping habit but seems a shame.

Its so bloody hard figuring out what's right and wrong for us!

Oh and if you want an extreme example... walkers and jumparoos type things galore in DS's orphanage , can't say I thought any of the children were exactly advanced in walking

People learned to walk long before shoes existed!

Tell them to shove it, I have a 15 month old, and she didnt have a jumperoo or a walker or anything of the sort, still manages fine.
No one will sell you hard soled shoes until they walk, and actually I think barefoot is better anyway, she did have cruising shoes because she wanted to "walk" when we were out so it made sense for us.
Took me a while but she has only just started napping in her crib, and most of the time when we are out she naps in the buggy, because that's where we are. Personally id rather be out and about than tied to her crib.
Talking- she thinks she is talking, I have no idea what she is on about, although her little friends seem to understand what she is saying. She has some words- hiya, bear, dog, cat, mumum, dada

I don't get this. You are obviously asking people for help. You say that you 'ask for help', 'ask for advise', so obviously you are not very satisfied with the current status quo.

People give you advise, perhaps get some hard soled shoes, perhaps get a jumperoo, perhaps try to stay in after lunch for nap time. All seems pretty reasonable to me.

I suspect you are very tired, and that makes one very sensitive and fragile. I doubt people are having a dig at your parenting. You ask for help. They offer it.