to think that maybe, just fucking maybe all of my 15mo "shortfalls" are not all down to my parenting choices?!

[SqutterNutBaush]

I am so sick of being told that any issues I may be having with my DD are because of the way I have parented her!

She doesnt nap during the day unless she's lying on one of us or in the pram.

She's clingy (to the point where she will not eat or sleep unless I am in the room/house in view).

She wakes every 3 hours at night and won't be calmed unless I feed her.

I ask for help but get told its because we're out at what should be nap times, because we use a sling and because she's Breastfed.

People also seem to have a massive issue with the fact she doesn't walk/talk, even though she has been cruising since 7 months.

I ask for advice and get told this is because we didn't have a jumperoo or a baby walker, she doesn't have hard soled shoes or because she wears cloth nappies.

I am so sick of hearing its because of something I'm doing wrong, I need fucking help not a critique of my parenting. I'm stressed about this stuff, I need a break but everyone is happy to sit back and judge whilst I try to stop myself from screaming!!

Tell them to sod off. Dd refused to walk until 18 months...them stood up and walked straight across a 15ft room. Within a week she was on a par with peers who had been wobbling about since 9 months.

The clinginess is tough but also very normal at this age. Very gradual retreat might work eg at mealtimes try gradually moving either her chair or you so that you are only in her peripheral vision, then gradually move out of eyesight etc but keep chatting to her.

Clinginess and sleep issues - you can try every method out there, but it's ultimately down to your baby whether any of it works. Sure, mine sleeps. That's because I was lucky, nothing to do with my parenting.

As for walking and talking, tell them to piss off! I know plenty of 15 month olds. Most are walking, but not all, and that's normal. Some have a few words, some don't, and that's normal too. She'll do it all when she's ready and not a day sooner.

Who are 'they'? Friends or professionals?

If YOU are genuinely concerned then get a referral to your local child development centre. If your HV is unhelpful the GP can do this.

If you have concerns it's only right you get it checked out. You know her best.

Likewise if you want to give it a bit longer then do so.

Mine only just started walking at 15 months but then he was running around in no time.

He was terrible with separation anxiety and with sleep. Suddenly at 18 months he turned a massive corner and things just got easier. I think 12-18 months is a really tough age for some babies.

Human beings have managed to learn to get about on two legs for millennia, without needing jumperoos and walkers to manage it. Ditto with breastfeeding, totally normal at her age although if you wanted to stop that is up to you.

mine is 16 months and has very few words he has just began walking and only really just gone in the pushchair (he loves his sling) he sits by me constantly stays close all the time he doesn't like to sleep he will either a, fall asleep in my arms or b, fall asleep on the floor right next to me watching me he is a velcro baby my other two were sleeping well by this age im not sure if i did anything different i really don't see i am he just wont sleep or speak he doesn't even have a dummy to blame for it

he has grown out of the need to be in a sling 24/7 (we used a forward facing pushchair and i carried the sling for when he got upset) i can only hope he grows out of this too

I am not sure who they are you are asking for advice you are getting advice and getting angry at the advice, people are just sharing what they think if you are worried about your baby then go to the dr

I wish I could link to the post I'm about to tell you about but I have no idea how to find it.

It was a mother who basically said you told me I was wrong for not forcing my dc to let go or letting them cry it out and today she has gone off and done a dance class all by herself, she is confident and knows I am there whenever needed .

Who are tgey?

Who is offering this advice? If it's professionals, then I expect that they would at least be able to back up their advice with evidence to suggest that trying their methods would work.

It also depends on how you are presenting the information - if you are complaining to people about the above issues, then they are probably just trying to offer suggestions to help you. If not, then just don't tell anyone about the things that you feel are unchangeable.

Either way, do what you want and ignore people who criticise - they don't have to live with you so their opinions are just that!

Not saying what you are doing is wrong in any way but some parts if children s behaviour and development is down to parenting, good or bad

I don't think there is anything "wrong" with the way you are parenting. If it was working for you it would be fine. But if you are asking for advice from people in order to change your situation then YABatinybitU to get upset when they tell you to change what you are doing. No one can magically change your baby. If you want things to change you need to change her environment - and even then, nothing is guaranteed.

After 15 months of what sounds like little time to yourself it's not surprising you don't have vast stores of patience or tolerance for the contradictory and spurious advice you are bound to get. Especially since 95% of it will be useless. But don't take it to heart. Try out the things that sound like they might work as far as you are able. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself.

And if you don't actually want to change things but just want a bit of sympathy for your situation, find a group of people who parent like you Don't expect unconditional support from other parents, especially if you don't tell them that is all you're looking for.

goodness .when mine were little youngest 14 .they wouldnt sell you hard shoes until they could walk .no cruising shoes .my middle son 18 didnt walk until nearly 2 .just a lazy big lump .he would not sleep unless you bounced his big pram .just ignore them .all babies are diffrent you are doing nothing wrong .if they cant say anything helpfull .tell them not say anything atall .

Dd3 could have been your dd.

She's now 15, walks fine and belive me quite happy to be out if my eye line.

Whoever is criticising you please tell them to piss off.

Another for the tell them all to sod off brigade! All babies have issues with clinginess, in some it comes and goes and as for sleeping, well for all the babies who pretty much slept through from day 1 (as mine did), believe me it doesn't necessarily last. I totally understand your stress and frustration, its a steep learning curve for us all and 'advice& opinions' given when actually its a helpful hand thats required can be infuriating. As for not talking and walking, as others have said, it will happen when it happens, all babies are different. I've never gotten into the comparing stages thing, just let baby figure things out for herself. Maybe you do need more of a routine, if not for baby then maybe more for yourself, but thats up to you to decide whats best for you both.
I'm sure if you felt baby was way behind in her development you would take her to the doctor, you don't sound as if thats the case so seriously tell 'them' to bugger off if they can't be more helpful.
Is baby still BF? A friend had similar issues with her little one and they had to get Dad to try and settle her for several nights in a row to try and get our of the habit of night feeds. In truth though I know this can be hard. My DD is coming up to 18months and if she wakes screams the house down for me. I need DP to get more involved in the night comforting just so she isn't so reliant on me and we are working on this, but it is hard going sometimes. Hang in there OP, there is no right way to do things, no matter what people say everyone figures out whats best for them and they go with that. As for HV, I've only ever had useful advice from one, the rest I have no idea what planet they are from, conflicting advice, lack of knowledge, I've just given up on them altogether.

She sounds pretty normal to me :)

As for naptimes, if it isn't the first child, it's pretty impossible to live life around naps, and I don't really see a problem with not napping in a cot. Are these things problems to you, OP, or is it just that other people are perceiving them as problems? The only one that would bother me is night time waking...one of mine wasn't really ready to night wean until later and it was tough.

It's easier to blame the parents because it's a handy get-out clause for everyone else. If they accepted that it wasn't your parenting that was the problem, they might actually have to do something to help you.

Sometimes people are just looking for a chance to have a dig at others. When my ds didn't talk until he was 3yrs old (ASD), some people decided that this was entirely my fault. When my dd started talking very early, suddenly this was a skill that was entirely unrelated to parenting and nothing to do with me.

My dd used to nap where she fell usually with her bum Ithe air o the floor and both mine walked at 16 months and they had baby walkers

Totally with you OP. Do what you feel is best, you're the parent!

DD was 2 years and 2 months when she said her first word. Before that she didn't even babble, totally silent! (Except for crying and laughing!) we were told she was "behind" and would need speech therapy. She will be 3 next month and her speech is WAY AHEAD of her peers. She articulates all words correctly and her vocabulary is on a par with a 5 year old! Nothing we did differently, she for there in the end.

Ignore comments about sleeping. DD was a brilliant sleeper (8-8) as a baby. Nothing to do with me, she just did it! Roll on now and she wakes 4 times a night religiously. Again, nothing to do with us.

DH and I tend to "go with the flow" and try to ignore advice (especially from MIL who has all sorts of advice to cure our sleep deprivation).

If you're worried see you GP. If it's friends and family tell then to sod off!!

But....she's only 15 months old!!
Who is telling you all this bollocks!?
Please don't take it to heart....my dc were Ff, wore disposable nappies and we co slept.
I was told much the same as you.
So it's not your choices, it's that the advice you are being given is shit.

Oh....and my ds1 didn't speak properly til he was nearly 3!!
He is 11 tomorrow (where did that go!?) and he never shuts up :)

I ask for advice and get told this is because we didn't have a jumperoo or a baby walker, she doesn't have hard soled shoes or because she wears cloth nappies.

Well, don't ask for advice if you don't want to hear it! However, my DS didn't walk until he was 17 months and only really got properly talking when he was 2. He can run, skip and jump now and never shuts up! I think the lack of a long sleep is probably a big problem for you but if you want to try to change it then you need to be open to different ideas.

SqutterNutBaush

You don't say whether you have taken any of the advice. Some of it sounds sensible. Be in for nap times if she will only sleep in a certain place. Mine both settled into a long afternoon sleep at 18 months and it had to be in their cots, mainly. I fed my DD until 22 months and she did wake for it in the night - I had to sort this by getting DP to go to her instead of me.

Do any of them really talk at 15m?

Your tired and stressed, is any help going to feel like anything other than a criticism?

Something are down to parenting, something's are down to the child. All you or anyone else can do is try to change things and try and find the way that your dd responds to.

If it was me I'd start with the sleep. She doesn't need feeding at 15 months in the night, so, think, what kind of approach are you willing to try? There are books available, sleep specialists etc. Have a look and see what one uses an approach you feel comfortable with. Once that's sorted she might be a bit happier in the day allowing you to wrk on something else.

Do one thing at a time once you have decided what you want and what your aims are, complete overhauls may not work but you can aim for improvements instead.

But only do what you are comfortable with. She's your dd and if your happy with how things are then that's perfectly fine!!

One of mine was talking atv15 months full setences genuis obviously