To pump in our bed in the middle of the night?

[Twoplusboys]

Ds is nearly 5 weeks and After some latch problems, I'm expressing breastmilk. I pump at every feed for the next feed.

He feeds at 4am every night so I feed him and then I pump for 10mims for the morning feed.

Dp is just after waking and freaking out at the noise of the pump. He thinks it's unfair to pump in out room (with noisy pump) when he has to be up for work and that I should go downstairs to do it. He has just stormed out into ds bed saying I'm selfish!

I think I'm doing it for the sake of ds and he should just put up for 10 mins each night or get some ear plugs. I do all night feeds. He's only done one since birth.

Aibu??

If you're pumping, I assume ds is having milk from bottles mostly? Then why on earth isn't your dh taking some of the bloody night feeds?

Incidentally I had the exact same situation as you. I think my dd first latched at 6 weeks and I was pumping every couple of hours for a few months. It's hardcore. As you know, it means you never get a break b because you get up to feed and you have to pump. By the time you're done, it's practically time for the next feed. Plus you have to think about sterilising etc. All the more reason for your dh to be helping! We had a rule that dh would do feeds before 2am and I would do those after so he could get a chunk of sleep before work. Of course i still had to pump but it still helped a lot.

I haven't answered your question about expressing in the bedroom because I don't know. If you have agreed to do all the work at night so he can sleep all night, it probably isn't fair to not let him sleep. But you probably want to think about changing this arrangement.

Also if you haven't already, rent a hospital grade pump.

Ds has a bottle at 10pm and 4am. Dp does the 10pm feed and I do the 4am. I do think this is fair enough as he has to work all day. But I just don't want to have to go downstairs to pump. I think because I am doing it for ds, he should just accept it! I will get him ear plugs for tomorrow.

My pump is the medela swing. It is noisy but it's good. I can't afford to rent one when I have a perfectly good (albeit noisy!) pump.

Also to add, I do have two other boys to get up with so it's not like I get to back to bed with ds. I still have to be up at 7am too.

It depends on what your DH does really.

Can you feed & pump somewhere else without waking him? In which case if you've got to be awake & pump anyway why should he have to be woken too, when you could go somewhere else?

Can he sleep entirely somewhere else to ensure a good night before a tricky day at work, allowing you to feed & pump in your own bed without disturbing him?

I can't do my job properly with broken sleep (once awake that's it, I can't go back to sleep) so I sympathise with your DH. I'm a complete cow on little sleep - DH did all the night wakings from a very early age as he can cope with broken sleep.

We don't have a spare room so it would mean going downstairs really.

I did exactly the same, pumped exclusively for dc1 for 5 months getting up every 2-3 hours all night, I always went down to the living room. Tbh I would have thought it selfish to wake up dh when there's no good reason. If I needed his help occasionally like when they were little and I was mid pump and dc1 woke then I'd think in the early stages he would help but this rarely happened. I think waking him up with no necessity is being unreasonable tbh!!! My dh had at the time a long commute and stressful job, no point in making him lose sleep for no gain.

In that case I think it'd fair to let him sleep as you have to be up anyway. What's the point in both being up? He should do the 4am feed at the weekend and he should let you sleep.

Can I suggest getting ear plugs from b&q or similar?
they are generally soft and comfy and you get alot more for your money than from boots!

(I sleep with ear plugs in evety night, have done for years)

So, let me see if I have this right... He gets to sleep from 10pm to 7am with no breaks. He freaked out because he had to listen to you pumping to nourish his child for ten minutes. You have two other children, plus a newborn to cope with. Hmm. Is HBU?

I had to pump through the night for the first few months after feeding as well to do top ups and boost supply. I would nurse for as long as I could, set up the expresses milk or formula for finger feeding, top up DD, settle her to sleep (ha!) and then pump for 20 minutes. If id then had to leave the bedroom and traipse around the house to set up the pump id have been annoyed too. I had a Swing and my DH slept through me using it. Staying in bed was really important - I would quite often only have 30-40 mins sleep before I had to start the wh

*posted too soon
Start the whole thing again, I needed to stay as sleepy and comfortable as possible otherwise I wouldn't have got any rest at all.

So, YANBU!

There's no need for him to be awake so I think YABU. He does the last feed so you can sleep so it doesn't seem fair to wake him when he doesn't need to be awake.

I think if staying in your bedroom is very important maybe look at other sleeping options for him?
You are pumping to nourish your child and I know that's hard,been there done that got the t-shirt, but my dh going to work paid our mortgage, bills and bought food to nourish me to enable me to nourish my child.
It might only be ten mins but unless you have a fridge in your bedroom I'm guessing you have to leave the room anyway to put the milk away?
If you let him sleep maybe on his days off he can get up with all the kids and give you a lie in?

So you're up anyway and he doesn't need to be. I think you should go downstairs. There's no point two of you losing sleep unnecessarily. My pump also wakes DH and so I go downstairs.

Yabu. If you don't go back to sleep then anyway why would you be so selfish as to turn on a noisy machine in the room your husband is sleeping in?

Yabu he has to work the following day, I think it's really inconsiderate of you

YANBU. All these people saying you are have clearly forgotten what it is like to do night feeds. It's much harder to get back to sleep once you've got out your bed and gone downstairs.

Both mine have been BF so DH has never done night feeds but there is no way he would complain about any noise I / the baby made.

I have the Medela Swing too and it isn't that noisy. Could you try holding a pillow over the pump bit giving it has an automatic let down function so you don't need to press the buttons?

Why do you not feed your baby in his room?

If you have come up with a sleeping/feeding arrangement you both agreed to it does seem unfair for you to then do something you know will wake your dh up.

Goblin the baby is 5 weeks old so I assumed he sleeps in the OP's room?

Lack of sleep is so debilitating I can't see why you would want to share this with dh when he has to go to work all day after. Can you not sit in the bathroom or just go downstairs? If the roles were reversed and he could actually pump at 10pm when he does the last feed would you feel happy to be kept awake by it? It isn't just a 10 min burst then normal sleep. If I get woken in the night even if just for 5 min it has a big effect because I don't get back to the same quality sleep immediately. YABU.

I cannot believe people have said the op is selfish and inconsiderate. Ffs, expressing is hard work and she's doing it for the baby, not for herself!

Op yanbu. Tell him to go and sleep on the sofa.