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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pump in our bed in the middle of the night?

99 replies

Twoplusboys · 12/06/2014 04:39

Ds is nearly 5 weeks and After some latch problems, I'm expressing breastmilk. I pump at every feed for the next feed.

He feeds at 4am every night so I feed him and then I pump for 10mims for the morning feed.

Dp is just after waking and freaking out at the noise of the pump. He thinks it's unfair to pump in out room (with noisy pump) when he has to be up for work and that I should go downstairs to do it. He has just stormed out into ds bed saying I'm selfish!

I think I'm doing it for the sake of ds and he should just put up for 10 mins each night or get some ear plugs. I do all night feeds. He's only done one since birth.

Aibu??

OP posts:
TarkaTheOtter · 12/06/2014 07:23

Surely he just needs ear plugs then he can sleep and you don't have to traipse downstairs in the middle of the night and can pump comfortably in bed.

MargotLovedTom · 12/06/2014 07:24

YABU.

Aren't you getting up anyway to put the expressed milk in the fridge? Just do the pumping downstairs or he might be better sleeping downstairs.

Actually when you said he went to sleep in ds's room where did he sleep? In the bed with ds? Could you not have your two boys sharing so DH could borrow the room through the week? Obviously at the weekend it's all hands on deck and he should do his share through the night.

CoffeeTea103 · 12/06/2014 07:24

Yabvu. He does the 10pm feed, and once woken up you just can't get back to sleep. Assuming that he works he does need sleep. If it's only 10mins pumping can't you go downstairs?

Fevertree · 12/06/2014 07:24

Yes, sorry OP but imo YABU. My pfb is only 5 months too so i haven't 'forgoten what night feeds are like' [Hmm] My baby is ebf and I've had a fee episodes of mastitis so needing to use the pump to empty both breasts after each feed. Not fair to wake my husband for no reason. I popped downstairs sat on the sofa and put the milk in the fridge afterwards. Not difficult and didn't disturb my husband who is wonderfully supportive and very hard working.

Fevertree · 12/06/2014 07:26

Yes, sorry OP but imo YABU. My pfb is only 5 months too so i haven't 'forgoten what night feeds are like' [Hmm] My baby is ebf and I've had a fee episodes of mastitis so needing to use the pump to empty both breasts after each feed. Not fair to wake my husband for no reason. I popped downstairs sat on the sofa and put the milk in the fridge afterwards. Not difficult and didn't disturb my husband who is wonderfully supportive and very hard working.

MargotLovedTom · 12/06/2014 07:27

On a lighter note, I thought this was going to be about you farting in bed. I actually al smiled at the quaintness of the word 'pump' because you rarely see it used in that sense anymore!

Original poster
Twoplusboys · 12/06/2014 07:29

Ok it seems to be mixed opinions. After sleeping on it, i think maybe I was being unreasonable. I do actually go downstairs anyway to heat the milk so maybe I could pump downstairs while doing that (although ds will be mooching around the cot waiting for his bottle at this point).

We have just talked and i have negotiated that he try the ear plugs tonight and if they don't work, I'll go downstairs.

OP posts:
Original poster
Twoplusboys · 12/06/2014 07:30

Baby is still in with us and whoever said of have to down to put milk in fridge, ebm can be kept at room temp for 6 hours.

OP posts:
RoseberryTopping · 12/06/2014 07:32

I came here to say YANBU, everyone pumps in their sleep! Grin

I do think you are being a tad unreasonable. I can see why it's so much easier for you to do it in bed but if your DH is helping as much as he can by doing the last feed it does seem a bit unfair to wake him up in the middle of the night.

StillaChocoholic · 12/06/2014 07:32

I didn't pump for long but when I did I did it in bed. Sometimes DH woke up, sometimes he didn't. When he did wake up he didn't complain at all he just helped me if he could. He'd change the baby's nappy or put him back down to sleep or take the milk downstairs for me once I'd finished. He was working full time aswell but I never got any complaints of him.

Yanbu.

Helpys · 12/06/2014 07:43

Good luck OP.
Without going down the selfish/ who's slept is more important, I think going downstairs is best.

Bearfrills · 12/06/2014 08:20

I was going to suggest using a manual pump at night, I've got the Medela manual pump, it was £39 at Motherare (but if you download the app and spend £50 you get £10 off so might be worth getting some other bits too). It's virtually silent aside from a quiet little "pfft pfft" sound from the handle. You could stay in bed then without disturbing him.

I agree with what others have said about him having to be up for work but he really should do more at weekends. DH have an agreement that I do any night feeds (EBF) but I get dibs on a lie in at the weekend as he's getting a full nights sleep all week.

That's good to know about EBF keeping for six hours at room temp. I'm on a course next week and will need to express at least once while there, at least now I know it keeps I can bring it home instead of dumping it!

jaynebxl · 12/06/2014 09:05

I think 6 hours at room temp may depend on the room temp! Less if it is hot in there.

BolshierAyraStark · 12/06/2014 09:27

I think YABU, definately now you've said you go downstairs anyway.
Appreciate it's hard dealing with kids whilst tired but I do think it's harder to go to work knackered.

VitoCorleone · 12/06/2014 09:29

I also thought this was going to be a thread about farting!

thegreylady · 12/06/2014 09:31

Vito so did I! Are you in the North East?

fledermaus · 12/06/2014 09:35

Breastmilk is probably fine much longer than 6 hours at room temp - it isn't lie formula/cow's milk, it's a living product.

MumOfTheMoos · 12/06/2014 09:36

I pumped in bed at night , my husband was probably award of it but there was no way he'd ask me to get out of bed.

YANBU

CarCiKoTab · 12/06/2014 09:42

I use to pump in bed, I don't think YABU although they are quite noisy but I don't see why you would have to get out of bed. Can't you cover the pump with a pillow, just to block the sound out?

VitoCorleone · 12/06/2014 09:53

I'm in Cumbria graylady so not far off :)

Original poster
Twoplusboys · 12/06/2014 10:27

It is quite noisy, I have to say. Even with pillow over it.

That's not a bad idea about the manual pump as I was thinking if getting one anyway for when I'm out and about. We'll see how we get on tonight with the ear plugs!

I do get the lie on at weekend. He works sat but I get one in Sunday. He is great when he's here. I'm just feeling a bit wrecked at the moment. Older two are a handful and dp is working alot and also plays sport 2/3 nights a week so I am doing a lot of it on my own.

OP posts:
2rebecca · 12/06/2014 10:35

It sounds a bit dog in mangerish, you can't sleep so want to stop him sleeping too. If I was using an electric pump I'd go elsewhere. It does sound selfish.

ZenGardener · 12/06/2014 10:43

In summer it won't last 6 hours unfrigerated.

kellymom.com/bf/pumpingmoms/milkstorage/milkstorage/

I hope you find a good compromise.

ManchesterAunt · 12/06/2014 10:48

God, yanbu! Pumping is hard enough without traipsing downstairs and sitting for 10 mins. I'd tell my DP he could sleep on the sofa, your baby is only 5wo!

TwelveLeggedWalk · 12/06/2014 10:53

Crikey, if that was my DH I'd be telling him to sleep on the sodding sofa then. Actually I pumped for 7 weeks, and DH, although so tired he could barely speak (twins..) was very supportive getting the bits for me etc.

You're looking after a newborn and providing them with breastmllk, you need support, not him.

You will also express better when are warm, comfortable, relaxed and near your baby, so you stay put.