to give ds the same name as his cousin?

[KarasKite]

Am due in a few weeks with ds. Bil has a three year old whose name (not actual, for example) is say William Jonathan. They announced him to the world as Johnny, let's say, but for a long time now have referred to him as a different, non name related nickname. We see them probably four times per year at most and the derivative of the middle name is the only name I like for ds and have always done so. AIBU to use it?

Yanbu but you might get some funny comments from relatives.

I think you probably are being U.

Exactly the same thing happened in my DH's family, between his DM and her SIL. 45 years on, it still rankles apparently.

There must be more than one name that you like?

My DD and my brother's DD have the same first name. It has never been a problem.

I think that may cause a bit of conflict. It makes you look unimaginitive too. Probably best to pick something else.

No, no other name. I told sil it when I was pregnant with dd, she used it for her ds even though I didn't use the name she said she wanted for her dd though it was my favourite. If they used it as his name all the time I'd think twice but it's a nn for his middle name and we barely see them.

Derivative of middle name is fine. Exact first name would not be IMO (unless it was after a mutual relative yadda yadda)

I only see one if my siblings about 4 times a year but I would have thought she was trying to make a point and/or been bonkers if she'd named her child the same name as mine. Also what about grandparents/ other relatives?

You really can't think of another name?

If my sibling/sil did this to me I would think they were being a bit, er, weird and petty.

Sorry for being frank, but I think yabu. What does your partner think? It will forever be 'which Johnny/William?' Karas or karas bils?

Hmm, I wouldn't, but if you really want to, I think it's fine.

He's your son. Call him what you like. My advice if you plan on having any more is don't tell people your favourite name until your actual child is attached to it.

I wouldn't think it would be too bad to use a middle name, if the cousin were known by their first name, but, if I've read it right (?) you are saying that the child was to be called by the name you like ?
In which case, yes YABU. Give your ds his own identitiy. There are thousands of names out there, use your imagination a bit.

I think it depends on custom and practice in your family/area. I come from a part of the country where there are really only about 6-10 names used for men and no-one would think anything of it. (The only problem being that people used then to be given distinguishing nicknames - think 'Jones the Post' - which would usually then stick with them until the grave, whether or not they liked them.)

If that's not the case with you (the commonality of names) I probably wouldn't just in case it caused any difficulty for the child.

YANBU. DN has same name as his cousin (SIL's nephew). Never been a problem, and that's the first name. Give your son the name you love!

My best friend "stole" my girl baby name. (We were pregnant at the same time but I had a boy). When I had DD1 a year late I used my second favourite name for her, favourite name was relegated to middle name.

20 years on, I still have the same best friend and still the odd twinge of regret that I didn't give DD my first choice name.

I was named after my Grandmother. Unfortunately so were 3 ( yes THREE) of my first cousins.

So we are all known in the family as Mary Smith, Mary Brown, Mary King and Mary Green. All my other cousins are known as Lucy, Ellen and Katy. I feel like an acquaintance not a family member.

If I were you I would give your child his own name.

This caused a huge rift in my family, over me. My mum had always said should she every have a girl (she'd struggled to conceive) she'd call it Fay (an example, not my real name).
Meanwhile my dad's sister had a baby and despite knowing this was the name mum had chosen went for Faye. Same name, different spelling.

When I made a shock appearance 18 months later after 20 years of marriage it was a shock. Add she'd always said she called me Fay.

Aunt hit the roof, refused to speak to my parents, refused to speak to my nan for not disowning my parents and the family blew apart.
The relationship was never really mended. They were absent from both my dad's and nans funerals. All over a name, and a bloody common one that.

Interestingly my cousins on my mums side share the same first name AND surname. It's a unisex name, one is male, one female. Nobody batted an eyelid at that.
Families are strange things.

I know of someone who called their 1st DS 'John' then split with the DW, Re-married and called their PFB son 'John' so had 2 Ds's close in age called 'John'. Not even a nickname/difference- just 'John' No wonder original John had a bit of a chip on his shoulder! - well I imagine #2 did as well bit I didn't know him.

My DSis called her DS the same name as my DS. It's a family tradition in her DH's family (DS was born before they met). Odd, but not worth a family rift!!!! :)

I have a cousin with exactly the same name as me. The whole family knew my mum hates children all being called the same thing but they called my cousin the name anyway. My Mum was livid and my parents have not spoken to my Aunt and Uncle since (22 years), they also fell out with my gp's over it - grandmother never got in with mum, she suggest to aunt & uncle that my parents would like it if their daughter had my name. When my grandparents died none of us even went to the funeral. Obviously this is extreme but do you really want all that agro over a name?

Nancy I agree with you. DB and SIL announced to DPs they planned to call their baby the same as DS1, DM was a bit but said you must ring Scouse and ask her, they didn't but called him that anyway.
I didn't like it but chose to say nothing and just hold it against them quietly, DH is still seething years later

I think middle name is fine

I think it's fine. DH has about 30 cousins, there are inevitably going to be clashes. I only have six but my sis still has the same middle name as one cousin's first name. It has never been an issue.

And in the next generation, my Ds1 has the same first name as his older cousin has as a middle name, again no issue as far as I am aware, unless SIL is muttering darkly behind closed doors which I doubt.

Nancy, are you my cousin? Lol

I've got the same name as my cousin and she is only six months younger than me. Her mother said to mine when I was born that she had been going to call her baby the same as me and my mum said she would be mad not too anyway. You should call your baby what you want.

It's never been confusing.