To not want to get too involved with school life?

[Pinkrosesarebest]

Just that really. My twin sons are in Reception. So we are only at the beginning of our school journey really. I will help out in the future I am sure but haven't so far. I always send in money when asked. However 2 mums talked very loudly near to me and quite pointedly today and said it's always the same ones helping out, signing up or organising PTA events. Surely it is a choice rather than an obligation?

And you could never enforce it, so many people wouldn't do either.

Don't complain if your school PTA folds then, OP.

I ran our PTA for four years until my youngest left primary. I did it because my kids loved the events and I felt it was important to try and foster a sense of community around the school. It was a constant drudge to get volunteers and the people who were reliable tended to suffer from burn-out after a while as so much fell on their shoulders.

I laugh at the idea that I or others on the PTA were "Queen Bee" types excluding others. I'm afraid thats a myth dreamt up by people seeking to justify their own laziness in not being bothered to join in.

irregularregular you are right about the events being very limited. Our school basically said they would have one gigantic fundraiser per year (a formal dinner/dance/ball whatever) and as long as it raised enough money there would be no other fundraisers. The big event usually does raise enough as they give free booze and then have an auction and everyone is very drunk and bids too much

You've got to admit that the PTA ethos takes a bit of a superior stance - like only they care - only they get involved and do all the work. What self-sacrificing people they are and they get no appreciation for it.

I for one would happily donate £50 so as not to be subject to any of this passive aggressive behaviour and letters from the PTA wanting money.

Exactly happy well said. Mrscripps and others just because you have met some horrors on the PTA you can't extrapolate that everyone is like that. It's fine not to volunteer but don't whine about the efforts of those that do.

Also the cliquey thing in my experience its the reverse. The larger friendship groups avoid the PTA. Quite a few of our regulars are wohm who don't meet other parents at the school gate but want to get involved. Partly why we so effective despite being few in number and raise a decent amount of money.

Sadly not a myth here happy- I did help and was treated appallingly by some of the vilest people I have ever met.

The only thing that stopped it was police involvement and a caution.

KERALA I did volunteer !!!!!

I don't whine about the efforts of those that volunteer to do it but I certainly don't wish to be on the receiving end of comments that imply that I really should. Oh and I'm considered lazy if I don't.

Really?

t's a bit annoying when it's the same old parents who never help at all, or take part. It's always the same ones putting the majority of the work in

Some of us don't have the luxury of time to get involved, earning money to keep a roof over our heads gets in the way.
I can never go to any of dd's school stuff because they give no notice at all and it's too late to swap my shift or book leave.

Our PTA is down to about 3 members now. They are desperate but nobody will go on the committee. Myself included.

I have offered to help when asked but simply don't have the time for meetings or a position. One mum said I've done it for years whilst being a single parent. But she doesn't run her own business like me working all hours. I do intend to go on it at some point. DD is only in class 1 so plenty of time. And I always help out at the fayres held twice a year and support all events.

The PTA is a good thing, they have paid for buses for trips, which keeps down the overall costs to parents. they've paid for play equipment. If everybody took a turn on the commuter for just one year then it would keep going.

Our PA membership costs EUR 55 per year IIRC. All parents get billed for it.

DS has ASD and if I were to volunteer to help out with school things it would confuse the life out of him. School and home are two very seperate things in his mind.

(Must admit, this is one of the few positive aspects of his ASD :))

MrsItsNoworNotatAll

"I don't whine about the efforts of those that volunteer to do it but I certainly don't wish to be on the receiving end of comments that imply that I really should. Oh and I'm considered lazy if I don't.

Really?"

I completely agree with this.

I know money is good and useful and can be put to good use, I get that, but really we are just recycling parents' resources in a very wasteful way.

It doesn’t fulfil a social need as some posters have suggested. I have ample opportunity to hang out with people and eat cake and so do my children – more opportunity than we have time (which was one of my points above). Adding the Christmas fair (on 4 December? Really) and the summer thingy to this don’t add anything to our lives.

I know it is hard work organising these things, with a million bits and pieces to chase after, but honestly, on some level, you do it because you like it. I don’t mean you are necessarily the queen bee type like Lemon Drizzle Atrocious Cunt (although they do exist, people should not pretend they don’t) – but some people like to be busy and feel good and noble and at the heart of things, and some people are so utterly worn out by the basics (admittedly through personal weakness, lack of stamina and introversion in my case – see above – but it is genuine and not affected exhaustion) that the business of dicking about with these things is simply too much.

And you know what, I think that’s fine. I don’t think I am letting the community down by not being the sort of person who wants to soak time and energy – my own and others – into these inefficient clambakes. I no more deserve to be tutted at than I would dream of tutting at all the people who go to church, send their dcs to the church school, and don’t sing in the choir. I know not everyone wants to do it, or even can. It doesn’t make me flounce about in a cloud of sanctimony. The truth is I am naturally talented AND I have worked hard on all music all my life AND I am committed to rehearsals, services and weddings WHICH luckily happen to take place outside my working hours AND when dp can do childcare. That is 5 significant and necessary factors that HAPPEN to coincide in me, and so I am part of a small and very good choir who add a lot to the life of the church. That doesn’t give me the right to make digs at the majority of the congregation who simply cannot bring these 5 things together, or may not in fact want to, and it doesn’t make them lazy.

And these school clambakes are not efficient. The labour + materials for, for instance, the cake sale, is never reflected in the price. That parent could have just donated money*. It’s just pushing parents’ resources around in a way that satisfies some people’s sense that This Is What Is Needed.

*To those who will jump in going "AHA but DID they give money?!?!?!?" like they have proved something - no, they were asked to give cakes. People like to please and to fit in. It isn't the done thing to do not the done thing. And it is clear from this thread that not doing the done thing is very frowned upon by some, for not very good reasons, but frowned upon all the same. the point is, WHY NOT CHANGE WHAT THE DONE THING IS?

That is a brilliant post allhail especially the bit about some people being worn down with the basics.
If I was a carer, facing cancer treatment ,had been bereaved, just had a baby or facing any one of the major life events then I would quite frankly want to ram cupcakes up the bloody noses of those who called me lazy!
Maybe people don't want the whole school community knowing their business so they quietly say no and are judged instead.

As it was I did volunteer and look where it got me!

"Our school basically said they would have one gigantic fundraiser per year (a formal dinner/dance/ball whatever) and as long as it raised enough money there would be no other fundraisers. "

this is a great idea. Part of it is the drip drip drip - you feel you have to manage your contributions because there will be more demands in a couple of weeks

If you just had one big summer party, for instance (better than xmas because xmas is so busy, and expensive, and the weather is likely to be better, and it could have a celebratory "end of academic year" vibe) - or maybe in september, as a "get to know the children / parents" opportunity - people might actually get excited about it, and even enjoy it!

Then, while people were actually there, you could milk them for all they were worth

I'd just like to add the Very Important Point that the PTA never laid on economically inefficient cake sales on my watch (or any other cake sales - apart from as refreshments at the summer fete)

I'm actually quietly confident that if we asked our parents to choose between the status quo and every family paying out £200 a year and not having any PTA events for children or adults then the vast majority would vote for the status quo. Maybe we should try it.

by "milk them for what they are worth" I mean for cold hard cash that you can convert directly into whatever the school needs.

by means of

• Blatant tin shaking
• Selling booze / drinks at cost price + a decent percentage - fair enough
• Auctions for things that are labour free to provide (signed things from people with contacts, etc - or privileges - a chance to kick the headteacher up the arse once a month or something. Maybe once a term)

NOT by selling / raffling / auctioning things that cost someone's labour and time to provide which is always massively inefficient in its conversion to cash

"what I am objecting to is the implication on here - perhaps by posters like you - that I should be scurrying about fact finding and in the service of this organisation - that people like me who geniunely do not have the means to do so are automatically lax and selfish"

"Scurrying around" in the case you outlined would have involved 5 minutes thought or one phone call.

why should I? serious question

a row of serious questions:

1 - why should I? (how will it improve anything in erm the world?)
2 - what makes you think you know why I should (or anyone) (or, do you really think people like this have the right to set my priorities, and if so, why?)
3 - how will it honestly be received if I phone up a series of office numbers, leaving messages until I get through to someone, eventually saying

"Ah yes I just wanted to know if there is a PTA and if so who is the treasurer and in what name is their bank account"
School office worker: "why?"
"I want to write a cheque"
"erm ok, why?"
"I have decided to write a cheque right now instead of taking part in any school events"

Then, as the school office worker will invariably not have all the info, I will find myself trying to get hold of someone else and having the same conversation

Will this make me popular in the school or improve esprit de corps?

You wouldn't be "scurrying around in service of this organisation" if by "this organisation" you mean the PTA committee. You would be scurrying around for a whole 5 minutes in service of the school and its pupils.

Yes, ideally, the PTA committee might have invested time to make it easier for you. But, on second thoughts, why should they? I'm sure their time is very valuable.

To be honest, all hail, if you don't even know whether a PTA exists, this whole discussion is bizarrely abstract.

allhailqueenmab at DC's last school, someone put some money in an envelope and addressed it "to the PTA" and handed it in at the school office. I can ensure you that this anonymous person was very highly thought of!!

Again at DC's school , the summer fete was always held after sports day, on the basis that lots of parents do take time off work for sports' day, and also invite grandparents etc so it would ensure that more people could come and there would be a bigger pool of people available to help. Most children at school stayed for the fete with their families and the vast majority had more than one adult with them. Again, the vast majority were still there 2 hours later. Frankly if you can spend 2 hours at a fete and sitting in the sum chatting to other parents, particularly if you have another parent with you or grandparents (to look after younger siblings) then yes you can spend 20 minutes on a stall. But still no one offered. That's the sort of thing that people moan about.

I am extremely grateful for the PTA and I was a member BUT when I took on a ft teaching job some of the pta(who don't work) made some comments about how I should get more involved when I just didn't have the time.
PTA is not compulsory. It's voluntary and the same old people volunteer because they WANT to.

There is a political view that parents should never contribute anything financially as its a slippery slope to individuals rather than the state funding education. My friends husband uses this as his reason for never helping at school.Can see his point but pragmatically if you want the extras these days parents need to step up.