To not want to get too involved with school life?

[Pinkrosesarebest]

Just that really. My twin sons are in Reception. So we are only at the beginning of our school journey really. I will help out in the future I am sure but haven't so far. I always send in money when asked. However 2 mums talked very loudly near to me and quite pointedly today and said it's always the same ones helping out, signing up or organising PTA events. Surely it is a choice rather than an obligation?

Jeezo, you really are angry queenmab.

No it's fine. Thanks though and . Let's make up in the locker room .

Um - not sexually. That wink could be misconstrued - sorry!

I suspect allhail had a nasty encounter with a home made cake once and has never recovered. Hope you're OK, allhail

Angry? well a bit

• as I said upthread, my insecurity (and frequent rising panic) about all the things I don't do and feel I should, along with the digs and hints about people like me, manifest as anger. I have, once again, reevaluated my priorities and I am ok with them, but
• I don't see a reciprocal listening mode or reevaluation from the other side
• I am angry at the assumption that "mums'" labour is available for free and that external folk reasonably have a claim on it and a say in our priorities
• I am angry because in all honesty I wish I were more available to my children and if I could change anything I would change that, not get involved in the PTA. and the fact that I can't change anything causes me great pain, and people who know nothing spouting off about what other people should do makes me angry in this context of pain
• I am not being listened to and this thread is a microcosm of my life in which things like "how do you find things out when you can't get to the school?" is followed by a detailed preening description of how good one PTA noticeboard is, AT THE SCHOOL. Being not listened to makes me angry

Is that enough yet or shall I go into the wider political context where individiuals are continually being made to bear guilt and responsibility for one of the greatest needs of capitalism, the creation and development of new workers; and the skill with which the neoliberal hegemony has created an environment in which we have all internalised the idea that we bear personal responsibility to work harder and fill all gaps in this project, to which capital itself, in the form of taxation, contributes as little as possible, while blaming those who are already doing more than they can afford?

Or you could just accept that the vast majority of people on this thread have said that obviously lots of people are too busy to help and that's absolutely fine. Because they did/do, you know. And have done right from the start. You just don't want to hear them.

And then perhaps you could stop throwing insults, generalisations and stereotypes in the direction of those who do have the time/inclination to help. Because believe you me, the last thing anyone needs is another person doing that!

Ffs allhail

I don't have time to look up neoliberal hegemony.

I am too busy designing a poster for the summer fair.

It was more a case of the PTA putting on lavish events, then selling tickets, and parting you from your wallet when you got there we get that too, they're a greedy bunch at DDs school.

Partridge did you just try to seduce queenmab and then change your mind? even without the wink it sounded dodgy

It did,didn't it. Didn't work though. Queenmab, in the nicest possible unpatronising way I think maybe you need to try to stop projecting...

It is quite interesting that some people's take on it is that "Of course we do't join the PTA to make our kids become favourites with the teachers" because
(a) Teachers are professionals. If they have favourites, no-one should ever know it and
(b) TBH Fa from this endearing a child to me, I might feel sorry for the kid thinking they had a needy or helicopter mum - but their parents' actions would be of no import to me, at the chalkface.The fact Mrs Busybody has raised money to pay for the Head/governors' latest hobby horse would mean sod all to me. Or the kids.

And if the money raising is for something vital - sorry but that is something we should firmly lay at the feet of the idiots who won the last election - whichever set of idiots that happens to be.

I also think there is much misunderstanding on this thread. Those who don't/can't/won't contribute to the PTA for whatever reason (which I personally have no issue with) feel threatened by those who do and then seem to delight in belittling their efforts.

Joffrey, are those your points, or are you extrapolating from other posters?

I hope none of the women on our primary school PTA are reading this. 'Mrs Busybody'- charming...

"sorry but that is something we should firmly lay at the feet of the idiots who won the last election - whichever set of idiots that happens to be."

quite, which is why it is more important to know what neoliberal hegemony is than to design a poster for a PTA social

(joke, obv - would never dream of commenting on anyone else's priorities)

Yy partridge you've hit the nail on the head there.

I think people get pissed off by all the repetitive asking for help, but if we don't ask, we'll never get.

Even if you've only helped out once I think you can hold your head up high and be proud you've done your bit though.

allhail. I think fighting for social change is an excellent reason for you not to be selling lollies at the sports day.

I'm interested to know what action you're taking, exactly.

"I'm interested to know what action you're taking, exactly." - ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha - seriously, you can't make it up

so that you can decide in your wisdom if my excuse is good enough?

I am genuinely highly amused by the posters on this thread who again and again demonstrate that they don't get that they are not in charge of my life or anyone else's, and don't get to decide whether or not they are using their time correctly.

I wonder if birth order has something to do with this?
Maybe all the people saying things like

"I know some people are genuinely busy, but some could definitely find time"
"I would have hoped we had all grown up a bit"

are first children or something; and all the the people saying things like

"but why?"
"is this efficient?"

are second, or something like that?

I think what I love about stripy's little riposte in particular is that somehow she has turned "knowing what neoliberal hegemony is" into "fighting for social justice" - the tropiness of the latter and her inability to even grasp that the former isn't quite the same thing - it's just so spot on

queenmab when you asked "how do I find things out when I don't go to the school", I replied that at our PTA we used
-school noticeboard
-newsletter (paper)
-newsletter (email)

• website
• facebook page

You then set off a rant moaning about how people like me didn't understand that not everyone would be able to get into school to look at a noticeboard (ironically since I am also a FT working parent and very rarely get to school), selectively ignoring all the rest. (and then moan that you are not being listened to).

Can I throw it back to you then, and ask how you would like us to communicate with parents? We include a noticeboard in our communication mechanisms because some of our parents (and yes, we have taken into account the needs of people at our school) don't use FB or like email (we are in a demographic where 25% of parents have advised the school that they don't use email ).

"Or you could just accept that the vast majority of people on this thread have said that obviously lots of people are too busy to help and that's absolutely fine. Because they did/do, you know. And have done right from the start. You just don't want to hear them.

And then perhaps you could stop throwing insults, generalisations and stereotypes in the direction of those who do have the time/inclination to help. Because believe you me, the last thing anyone needs is another person doing that!"

Allhail- you seem to have missed my post. Just thought I'd post it again for you.

Spot on what allhail?

You're using big words, sarcasm and put downs to screen the fact that you don't want to help out at your school.

Just say you don't want to do it.

Or, am I missing the point of your argument. Are you saying there shouldn't be this type of fund raising in schools?

If so, what should happen, and how should we be directing our energies? I'm open to new suggestions and change as I don't think the PTA model works well in all schools.

Queenmab, I take back my attempt at seduction. You are beginning to sound a bit paranoid and v v spiky - also being very rude and I think the pomposity is all yours. I don't know what's going on for you at the moment but it's coming out all over the place on this thread.

And fwiw I am a second child.

OP YANBU

I participated in my first ever school event today (A 2 hour 'learning with music' session). MY GOD it was a mind-numbing, tedious waste of time. I was internally pulling my hair out. And it's not like you can walk out.

But I did it because, you know what: if you don't participate, they separate your child from the class and have them sitting in a room on their own with a member of staff whilst all the other children with parents get to do the activity. If you're a working parent, then your child misses out A LOT.

It's bullying parents into participating imo.

Ach. There's many a HT/PTA chair/similar who needs to get over themselves. It's lovely that many people are willing or even happy to bust a gut for the sake of their children's education. Other children will no doubt benefit from their efforts too, so the fact that some parents put in more time than others is 'unfair'.

School is actually not the be all and the end all - and I say that as someone who takes an interest in and values education, for its own sake. Helping at school is not a prerequisite to being a good parent.

If you want to do your best for your child's school, teach your children how to behave well in a large group and get them to look after their stuff. Demonstrate your respect for their teachers and foster a positive attitude to doing their best. The best educational resource your children can have at school is a happy, un-stressed teacher.

womble I can hardly ever get to that kind of thing at school, assemblies, Easter hat parades, because I work full time too. It's a shame because my DD would love me to be there . I help out at school trips a couple of times a year which seems to do the trick.