To not want to get too involved with school life?

[Pinkrosesarebest]

Just that really. My twin sons are in Reception. So we are only at the beginning of our school journey really. I will help out in the future I am sure but haven't so far. I always send in money when asked. However 2 mums talked very loudly near to me and quite pointedly today and said it's always the same ones helping out, signing up or organising PTA events. Surely it is a choice rather than an obligation?

Drives me mad that our PTA buys things like tissues for school, but it irritated me intensely to be asked to donate a box of tissues every term, so this is the lesser of two evils.

Our PTA is resolutely arranged for the convenience of parents (mums) who don't work. They also don't seem to understand that not everyone does the school run twice a day. But I'm glad they are around to run the summer fair etc

A lot of stuff mentioned on this thread, though - play equipment, tech for lessons, sport equipment, keeping the swimming pool open, and musical instruments sounds to me like it should properly come from central funds. A few people on this thread have talked about the bare-essentials the school can longer afford, and in that context I have sympathy with the 'letting them off the hook' posters.

Exactly Jassy. Its really sad budgets at many schools have been slashed right back. Before I joined some parents fundraised and the LEA partly funded a forest school on the site. Theres an inspirational external forest leader that comes in to lead sessions. Each class had an afternoon every week and for many kids, particularly less academic ones, it was the best thing about school. My eldest loved it. Yes you guessed it no more funding for stuff like that its facing the chop.

I know its not "essential" but would have been so sad to lose that resource. Our PTA couldn't face the cake baking so after talking to my sister (senior development type person) I and another parent approached some big local donors. We made £10k in an afternoon- forest school is funded for a year. Tough times...

Well done, Kerala1.

I dont help after the time i did and was ignored by most of the pta. I give my time to more valued things now.

Sorry, I am an old cynic I know..but I don't believe some of the PTA ladies do it for the good of the school, but do it because they think it benefits their own little darlings..in that it gives them status and brownie points with the head, they think their children will therefore benefit, becoming 'favourites'..

Kerala, that's brill and it's so hitting that education budgets are slashed and parents pick up the slack. It sounds like your PTA is using the skill base of its membership well - eg corporate CSR.

What really bothers me about the expectation that PTAs will fund these so-called extras is that it gives further advantages to students in schools with a better-off parent base. Which is pretty shitty if you're a kid at a school without a thriving PTA and parents who can afford to spend at PTA fundraisers.

"Sorry, I am an old cynic I know..but I don't believe some of the PTA ladies do it for the good of the school, but do it because they think it benefits their own little darlings..in that it gives them status and brownie points with the head, they think their children will therefore benefit, becoming 'favourites'.."

Absolutely. Yep. You're absolutely right. You've nailed it. And it works. Every time. Because that's what head teachers are like.

"Which is pretty shitty if you're a kid at a school without a thriving PTA and parents who can afford to spend at PTA fundraisers."

It's easy, just get all the parents to put 50 quid in the pot at the beginning of the year..........oh, wait.........

Er, I'm not sure I advocated that. Hak - if you don't like an argument, or it makes you uncomfortable, say so. You're doing a lot of avoiding and deflecting on this thread.

I totally agree Jassy. I am not saying I am comfortable with the fact that if you have engaged educated parents you can secure more funding for your school. Surely the whole point of state education is equality and I have some sympathy for those that think parents should not do any fundraising at all as the state should provide. However in reality when faced with losing what we saw as a valuable asset to the school that was already up and running and gave so much we did what we had to.

I got my head around it by the fact that at least our school serves quite a mixed community so not all the children benefitting are those who are already fortunate. Still....

Kerala, I will probably do exactly the same for my son''a school when the time comes.

I joined in for a while at primary and found that all those people who would have been political animals in the workplace had a tendency to find ways to exercise this in the PTA. They are what get a PTA (parents to avoid - harsh, but you can see where it comes from!) a bad name. For the rest, some go out to work and some don't, some make a big thing of what they do and some don't. There will be people you are prepared to be friends with and many that you won't. Since they are a tiny proportion of parents in the average school, it's highly likely that you will be more likely to find friends among those that don't join in with the PTA. This is in no way slagging off any PTA, as they do very valuable work and we all benefit. I often feel that it's because we recognise that they do good that we resent them so much for asking us to join in!

People are people - as long as you know you will encounter a mix of types, it's simply a matter of only doing what you feel willing to do without any thanks for it. My compromise has been to get involved to a small degree only, so I feel no resentment if it isn't recognised, but my Catholic soul is happy that I did !

"I and another parent approached some big local donors. We made £10k in an afternoon"

Kerala, that is brilliant - now that is leveraged time!

"couldn't face the cakes" - this pretty clearly states that it is a matter of choice whether people like all the bustly busy work of cake making, or not.

In some places you don't have £10k worth of local donors round the corner, but many deprived areas are really only round the corner from big business centres. If you don't have anyone at the school who has the skills / confidence to approach them then maybe look at proper fundraising training?

Weirdly, having said I struggle with social confidence in PTA type settings, I would have no problem approaching a potential corporate sponsor at a high level. they might say no but I know how to do it so I retain my dignity and their respect throughout. Unlike playground situations which make me feel very awkward and as if I am always getting something wrong although I am never quite sure what - too friendly? Not friendly enough? too assertive? Too feeble and placatory? never know what I am doing and everyone knows everyone else better than I do.

Actually I don't think schools should be forced to be begging for sponsorship and I do object to the creeping of business values into all aspects of life. But I would rather attempt to touch a big company for a 4 figure sum than all this bollocks, just as a mtter of personal preference

Hak, it benefits all the kids including your own - what's the harm in that? Frankly, I'd be amazed if the average HT knew who'd done what: there is this amorphous organisation called the PTA that does it all as far as I know and some HTs are very reluctant to engage much with them, no matter how much the school gains . I find that very hard to understand. It's also very hard to offer any special benefits under those circumstances.

"Er, I'm not sure I advocated that. Hak - if you don't like an argument, or it makes you uncomfortable, say so. You're doing a lot of avoiding and deflecting on this thread."

Am I? I don't think I've avoided anything- but if I have, happy to address whatever it is head on. My 50 quid remark wasn't aimed at you, by the way, it was aimed at all the people who say that's what they'd rather do- and then finding reasons not to.

Allhail, I can relate to your confidence crisis - it's down to all those politics IMO. I also dislike asking businesses, as some of them are only just keeping their heads above water and I sometimes question just how much schools need more stuff...

This thread makes me want to cry. I have been in our PTA for 2 years. I have had to deal with a load of shit and have had other parents eyerolling when they talk about the PTA. I do it because I was brought up to believe that you need to give something back to your community however you do it. I am about to go and stand in the rain for another 2 hours to raise money for classroom resources that my child is not going to see the benefit of.
And we raise money not just for extras but for a library, a new outside classroom, security fencing and lighting, computers- stuff the council can no longer afford now budgets have been cut to the bone.

There is no way giving money at the beginning of the year would work- because not everyone would do it and then people would get annoyed that they were giving and not others and stop giving. We can't get all the parents to give the voluntary £2 for discos - despite the fact it doesn't cover the cost. We've had complaints that our Xmas presents didn't seem to be of the same value/quality so we have had to make sure all presents are the same- which is a bit of a nightmare if you're getting 70. Complaints that one disco lasted 10 minutes longer than another. It's unbelievable.

Don't cry, Tobias. From me anyway, my opinions are not anti-PTA; they are anti-people-who-think-everyone-should-be-doing-it-and-it-is-effortless-for-everyone

It is funny the double think though - I am not sure, individual by individual, but it feels like there are PTA type posters who are similarly representing these two utterly contradictory positions

it is bloody hard work doing all this PTA stuff;
everyone should do it, it is effortless, frictionless, easy peasy, and everyone has time

One poster said in direct response to one of my millions of thoughtful posts trying to explain my position vis a vis all this

"I am targeting those who clearly do have a bit of spare time but can't be arsed!!"

WTF? How the HELL do you know?
How do I know people don't think that about me?

tobias I feel like you too. And in fact have just left the PTA because of it. But also because of the lack of support from the the teachers. There was no T in our PTA. 1 teacher came to each meeting, but no continuity, so clearly they took turns. And never offered to help at an event, come up with an idea, set up, tidy up or do anything over and above their job description.

I know teachers work hard all day, but then so do I.

Is this everyone's experience?

"Don't cry, Tobias. From me anyway, my opinions are not anti-PTA; they are anti-people-who-think-everyone-should-be-doing-it-and-it-is-effortless-for-everyone"

Is there anyone on here or in real life who actually thinks that? Or is it just another moment meme? Even the OP only thought that because she heard a couple of people talking and assumed it was about her!

I have mixed feelings about this.

At DC's prep school there was an extremely active PTA. It was very well run and raised an inordinate amount of cash ... thousands and thousands every year. And every penny we raised was matched by one of the parents businesses, and that was always given to charity.

My biggest issues with it were that it was run by the alpha-career-women-turned-SAHPs.
So there were Christmas fairs, Summer fairs, Easter Egg hunts, balloon releases, discos, camp outs, balls, quiz nights, ...each organised like a corporate event. Put it this way, the summer fair included quazar, simulators, swingboats, tea cups, carousel...the ball included live band, MC, casino, auction etc

Nothing was ever relaxed or home spun.

Now the upshot was we raised a hell of a lot of cash, so an already well resourced school was swimming in resources and we raised thousands and thousands for a locsl charity that frankly could not have kept going without our donations.

So does it matter? I dunno...but sometimes when I volunteered I felt like I was working for the PTA, rather than baking a few cakes.

Our teachers don't help much nor are very interested despite a lot of funds going directly to help them.
We ahve 2 enthusiastic ones.
When my mum was a teacher they helped at everything - it was expected. But that was many moons ago. She said it was a good thing that the teachers were seen to be helping at these things- the kids loved it and it made better parent teacher bonds.

I'm with you Tobias. I feel utterly deflated by a lot of the assumptions on this thread, and it is making me second guess my already fragile conviction that I am doing something good and helpful. I don't recognise these hostile stereotypes - I am sure they exist, but I implore you (not in a patronising way) to please give your PTA the benefit of the doubt (whether you want to be involved or not).

I am now really worried that I am perceived as some power mad sahm looking for status through my ds school. So so far from the truth. I am not entirely altruistic. Like I say, I have done it partly because I am a people pleaser, partly to blur the boundaries between school and home for my anxious ds, partly because I love the school and want to invest in it and a tiny bit so that my cv isn't redundant while I am a sahm.

It makes me that anyone would insinuate I would want special favours for my dc. I am respectful, professional and deferential with the teachers and never overstep any boundaries.

Must say I find the parental fundraiser thing at private schools fascinating. Surely if you are paying anyway you wouldn't want to contribute more to what is essentially a business? Not critical just interested.