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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

put my dog to sleep?

243 replies

booksandchoc · 09/06/2014 17:34

I am being unreasonable, I feel terrible and I deserve whatever flaming I get.

I've made an appointment to get my little dog put to sleep. I'm tried to rehome him, but all the rescues around here are full, I spoke to the dog warden and he advised in our situation to get him pts.

We got him 4 years ago when he was 2, an elderly acquaintance had him a few months but couldn't cope with him, so we stupidly took him on without knowing his history.

He is aggressive to other dogs, every other dog, he has no recall, he barks constantly whenever we leave him in the house and now he has started snapping at DD. I don't know what else to do Sad.

OP posts:
LadyNexus · 11/06/2014 13:59

You really should have started all this when you got a positive pregnancy test. IMO that us what a responsible dog owner and parent would have done.

But it's too late now.

thetoysarealiveitellthee · 11/06/2014 14:05

Somethings not right here. One minute theres wanting to kill the previous owner, the next a more or less admission that rescues havent been fully explored, terrible hurt and agony, and then you werent going to even stay with the poor bugger.

Im off.

SistersOfPercy · 11/06/2014 14:12

I agree with muzzling to socialise. Seems common sense if a dog is biting to muzzle it until its used to other animals.
How long is dog left alone whilst you are at work? That could well be contributing to his misery as well. I think you've been exceptionally complacent at best and rather than attempting to solve its problems you've brushed them under the carpet and hoped they'd go away.

The more I read here the more uncomfortable I am as well. I think it perhaps best if I hide this thread.

LadyNexus · 11/06/2014 14:13

You were just going to leave him?!

But then thought oh better stay so there someone he knows.

No heartbreak at putting a loved out down. I think I can see why helping this dog and making things safe for your daughter has managed to be put off 6 years.

You a piece of work op. Never get another dog.

TravelledByVacuumTube · 11/06/2014 14:19

No heartbreak at putting a loved out down.

If you seriously think this, LadyNexus, then you clearly haven't read the thread or the OP's original post.

booksandchoc · 11/06/2014 14:19

No I wasn't going to just leave him, when I was trying to decide what to do the option crossed my mind (as all options do) but I realised that wouldn't be fair.

OP posts:
booksandchoc · 11/06/2014 14:20

and I am devastated by this, I have swept it under the carpet for a while. I should have tried to rehome when I was pregnant but he still had issues then, so who would take him. should I have just got him pts then?

OP posts:
LadyNexus · 11/06/2014 14:23

I've read the whole thread.

The fact that she seriously considered leaving him at all speaks volumes, or is that normal?

I'm not going to congratulate the op for finally doing something after 6 years. If she really gave two shiny shits about her dogs behaviour or her daughters safety she would have sorted it out long long before it got to this.

Not popped to a couple of training sessions, fail to muzzle a dog and instead choose to avoid all situations where the dog might actually get a chance to work through its issues is not trying.

It's fucking lazy.

This thread reads like an op desperately wanting everyone to pat her on the back for doing something which is all her own fault.

I'm out too.

Hakluyt · 11/06/2014 14:23

Oh shut up, LadyNexus.

TravelledByVacuumTube · 11/06/2014 14:24

Well said, Hakluyt.

D0oinMeCleanin · 11/06/2014 14:24

Training is not the same as behaviour modification. Teaching a dog not to pull on a lead will not cure fear aggression, counter conditioning will. Obedience training won't.

Wrt the halti, your trainer, if they were halfway decent should have gone through techniques with you that get the dog to associate the halti with something good. You can't just put on a head collar and expect the dog to learn to love it if it doesn't bring good things to it's life.

Also walking on a Halti is not training. It's a quick fix and useful tool to aid training, but it's managing a problem, rather than solving it.

Did your trainer do any actual training with you? Did they suggest anything other than a halti? There are many anti pulling harnesses out there, some work for some dogs, others don't. A front leading harness is the kind I prefer.

Wearing a muzzle, along with muzzle training is fine. Advisable even.

Avoiding triggers, at least until the dog has had a chance to recover is sound advise. You shouldn't have been forcing him into situations that he was uncomfortable with. That would only ever have made the issue worse. A decent behaviourist would show you how to slowly introduce scary situations at a speed at which the dog is comfortable with. BAT wuld be great at helping with the dog aggression issue. Ask if the behaviorist is experienced with BAT techniques.

You've had one spectacularly bad trainer, by the sounds of things. Go and see your vet and ask to be referred to an APBC or APDT registered behaviourist. I can guarantee they'll much more competent and helpful.

Wrt what you said about avoiding rescue centers, not all of them are the same. I know of a few small rescues that take in dogs like this, rehabilitate them and give them a good life. Not all rescues are run from large, over filled kennels.

You don't have to rehome him. Work with a proper behaviourist.

booksandchoc · 11/06/2014 14:26

I've only had him 4 years, he hastily started snapping at DD in the last few weeks, hence doing something now, I had no reason not to trust him before that. I don't want a pat on the back, I had never decided to leave him. Stop twisting it all.

OP posts:
SistersOfPercy · 11/06/2014 14:27

How long is he left alone in the day books?

booksandchoc · 11/06/2014 14:34

not long percy, depends on shifts, I only work weekends and at college during the week, don't have childcare so there is alway one of us with DD so hes left if we go to park or shop or clubs, 2 or 3 hours. once in a bluemoon me and DH will have same shift so 6 hours then, but again that's rare.

OP posts:
SistersOfPercy · 11/06/2014 14:38

If he's barking whilst you are out thats probably separation anxiety. My NDN's dog does this (also a rescue).
That can also be cured, sometimes something as simple as leaving a radio on for him when you leave can relax him but giving him a stuffed Kong to enjoy as well whilst you are out can help.

Owllady · 11/06/2014 14:39

I find these threads very difficult tbh. I have had four very different rescue clues, each with their own set of issues, some which sadly were never resolved (despite work)though none ever showed aggression like this. tI personally think as an owner of rescues that if a dog is people aggressive to people it's a warning, if it escalates it could lead to other problems. My friend had a dog like the op. The vet actually suggested having it pts. My friend wanted more behaviour advice. One day the dog was just sitting next to her normally (not touching) and it attacked her and took several of her fingers off, scarred all her arm etc :( my mil friend has also recently been very severely attacked (criminal investigation) by a dog that was rehomed to someone because he had shown this sort of behaviour. We have all these threads when children are attacked and killed and sometimes it's because a dog should gave been pts earlier.
And I love dogs. I love my dog
But people and children's safety is much more important

booksandchoc · 11/06/2014 14:40

Tried all those percy, radio, TV, keeping him out the Livingroom so he can't see things to bark it, making sure he has toys, food, lights on. He still barks.

OP posts:
McFarts · 11/06/2014 14:41

Have you said where you are OP im just thinking that if there is indeed someone who could help with re homing you haven't actually said where you are.

On the PTS front it isnt always a quiet pain free peaceful process either especially when the dog isnt ill, im not trying to make you feel bad btw, i just think you need to be prepaired that its not always that straight forwards.

booksandchoc · 11/06/2014 14:43

I'm in central Scotland.

OP posts:
Owllady · 11/06/2014 14:44

Sorry my post sounded more hysterical than I intended it too Confused
What I meant is, it's very difficult to say one way or another to someone over a computer screen what they should r shouldn't do in this regard. My friend was told through forums to try this and the other. She wouldn't listen to several behaviourists and found didn't want him pts. Then the worst happened anyway

D0oinMeCleanin · 11/06/2014 14:47

OP hasn't actually said what the circumstances were surrounding the snapping at the child. It could have been caused by anything and could be very easily resolved. Only a qualified behaviourist on the ground would be able to make that call.

I do wish people would stop making this out dog out to be the devil reincarinate without knowing the circumstances.

OP those things you describe when leaving him home alone is not doing anything for the SA. They help some dogs but they are a distraction, rather than actual behaviour modification.

Nothing you've described so far would ever have helped this dog. Nothing at all has been done to help him with his issues. You've used quick fixes each time without doing anything to address the cause of the problems. Surely he deserves at least one chance before you kill him?

LadyNexus · 11/06/2014 15:07

Sorry D0oin I doubt it.

That would require effort.

Thanks whoever told me to shut up. It's not like I'm berating a responsible dog owner for putting a dig to sleep because of no other options I.e suffering and in pain.

I've done that myself.

staffylover · 11/06/2014 15:34

I cant believe you are seriously thinking of PTS, and some on here say it is the right thing to do is shocking to an animal lover. You have had him for four years and have achieved nothing. You dont need money just time and perseverance. Some twat said he will have a good death.........really? A good death would be when he is old and dies with his loving family around him not on some cold table as some money grabbing vet sticks in the needle.

rinabean · 11/06/2014 15:42

Wow, didn't know there was so many vegans on mumsnet :)

SelectAUserName · 11/06/2014 15:47

A good death would be when he is old and dies with his loving family around him

He's a dog, not the OP's fucking grandfather.

You really should have started all this when you got a positive pregnancy test

Brilliant advice. Do you want to lend the OP your time machine when you've finished with it?

I've said it once and I'll say it again: unless you are in a position to take this dog from the OP before tomorrow, shut the fuck up and stop making an upset woman feel even worse.

Yes, mistakes may have been made in the past - I've yet to find the dog owner who hasn't made some. Berating the OP for following the advice of a bad trainer, for not having limitless time and money to throw at the problem and for putting the safety of her daughter over a dog - a dog she took on and tried to help for four years, not some cute-puppy-on-a-whim that got chucked out after a few months - is not helpful, constructive or empathic.

Take the dog yourself, or zip it.

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