about SIL's wedding?

[xihha]

SIL has just told me very excitedly that she's booked her wedding venue, she has several school age DC she wants to go, including mine, she has booked it for the start of September.

Having done the politely looking at photos and being excited for her (weddings really aren't my thing) and got home I've realised she's actually booked it for the first day of term.

DD has been asked to be a flower girl, she would be year 2 then, I'm not happy about her missing school but will speak to her school and see if she can have the day off, she's at an independent school so I'm not sure if fines apply/what they are like about days off. DS hasn't been asked to do anything at the wedding and would be starting secondary school that day which i think is far more important than a wedding.

DH thinks it will ruin her day if the DC weren't there.

AIBU to think that if having them there was that important to her she should have checked the term dates, especially as both me and her bridesmaid's mother had already said we weren't prepared to take them out of school for it?

And, WIBU to not let DS have the day off, miss the wedding myself so he doesn't miss the first day of secondary school and to send DD to school unless her school authorises the day off? (obviously DH can go whatever happens, i wouldn't ask him to miss his sisters wedding)

I've not heard anything from SIL since the don't be stupid message, she's seeing the school age bridesmaids mum tomorrow so hopefully she'll say something.

Sadly i think by ruin her day she means ruin her pictures, she's not particularly close to DD and has spent next to no time with DS, despite living less than 5 minutes walk from us and she's never spent any time on her own with either of them.

Sounds like it then. God, what a pain in the arse. How is DH about it now?

LtEve, there wouldn't be any fines for the DD as she's in an independent school (who would be likely to OK the absence and wouldn't fine even if they didn't).

OP, I think in your position (assuming your DD is excited about being a bridesmaid) if the wedding date didn't move I'd take DD out of school for it but I wouldn't make DS miss his first day of secondary school. If the date/school combination fell right and he was on an INSET day he could attend (you'd probably have that information well within the standard RSVP window), otherwise he could come for just the evening.

Miss first day at a new school for a wedding that is well over a year away? Nope!

Here's hoping she decides to move the date then!

The sil booking a weekday is all about saving £££s but it's alright for her to cost everyone else money.

You book an inconvenient time or date or location and some people won't make it - she is an arse if she causes a fuss and if she invokes the wrath of her mother then she is a knob also.

Personally I think many, many people go a bit overboard about weddings these days.

It is an invitation to come and share their day and celebrate with them. But it is only an invitation, not a demand, it doesn't come with obligation or strings attached.

Just like any other invitation, if it isn't convenient, or you have other arrangements, you politely decline (and if its a special occasion do something nice/ arrange another way to celebrate with the individuals in question).

Your attendance - or even non attendance - at a wedding, isn't some sort of covert coded message as to how much you love/ care for the individuals involved. Nor is it mandatory for you to attend a wedding to be able to be happy for those involved or celebrate with them.

Just like the bride and groom can't prioritise everyone and make arrangements that are suitable for everyone else - they can't expect that the people they invite can always prioritise their wedding over other things that are going in their lives.

As others have said, if there were certain people that the couple really wanted to be involved, they should have checked dates. And those that are suggesting that you don't love someone if you can't prioritise their wedding over everything else are just being ridiculous.

OP it's a long way off, but it sounds like your suggestion that DP go with your DD and you sort out what you can re: your DS sound eminently sensible and not unreasonable at all.

Exactly maddening. Weekday bookings are great for the couple pricewise but their guests are effectively subsidising them as they end up picking up extra costs like taking leave.

It'll save money when the RSVP's come back declined because people don't fancy taking a day off for their wedding.

Unless everyone they know are so posh they can just take a day off .

Agree Maddening - if the OP gets £60 fine (or £120 if they do it per parent) for her DS, if several other guests as well do the same, using up a days leave - so having to pay for an extra day care in the school holidays, etc suddenly everyone else is paying out lots more than they would if the OP's SIL just held it on a Saturday.

If you want people to attend, you make it easy for them to do so. Make it hard for people to attend, then you are risking they won't.

Fluffy - I actually know a couple who had a Friday wedding when he said that part ofthe reason was that people would have to take a day off, he said that his huge extended family would go on a Saturday because they'd fancy a nice meal and a few drinks and a night out, not to celebrate his wedding. Whereas having it on a week day and they'd have to take a day off for his wedding, he knew most who didn't really care about seeing him get married would decline. It worked, he only got half accepting, so they got the small wedding they wanted without offended any of the clan by not inviting them.

genius mary