Important bits:
DS is not his, though we've been together for 1 1/2yrs and since DS was 1 1/2 (he's now 3 and a bit).
I'm 25 he's 29. I live alone with DS and he lives with his parents (had a shit job for most of his twenties and just never 'got it together').
DP/BF says lots of (what I feel are) sweet nothings about us being a family and DS being like his own etc etc. He wants us to move in together, would love to be a dad in the next 5ish years...
I know what I signed up for with DS. I've been a lone parent since pregnancy. But I find myself feeling really resentful that DP/BF plays sport two nights a week and one weekend-day then often has a guys night too. I can't really arrange to go out at myself unless it's far in advance (and it's not really about that tbh). I just feel so acutely aware of 'being' a single parent when he's off doing his stuff. It never used to bother me when I was single.
It also goes against a lot of the stuff he says about us being a family etc. If we're likely to have a bad night he stays home. I have a cervical infection from treatment last week and DS is ill so he just popped in briefly (and fell asleep on the sofa for 2hrs) before going home to get an early one. He doesn't deal with the bad behaviour or do the other boring parent stuff. Or anything remotely resembling housework, despite staying here a lot. Just plays with him. So I find it hard not to roll my eyes when he says he feels like DS's parent 
He is nice generally. He does love me/DS. But I certainly wouldn't want a child with him (too high a risk of ending up a single mum of two) and wonder if being nice isn't enough if you resent them? It's not healthy is it? I can't really help feeling that way, other than making sure I keep seeing my own friends/doing my own thing within my limits.
I just feel so crap about it this last month or so.
AIBU?
to resent BF for his ability to bugger off and sleep/do hobbies/see friends when I'm stuck at home with DS?
LuckyLannister · 08/06/2014 21:06
He's lovely and we have a lot in common taste wise etc. I keep finding myself wishing we'd just stayed friends so I didn't have to potentially really hurt him. But I guess that's the gamble you take with relationships 
"He said that's fine/he gets it."
Saying isn't doing. Certainly not with him. In your own words -
- "He has made a lot of seemingly innocent promises that never happened"
- " It just feels like he says one lot of stuff then acts contradictorily."
- "I've spoken to him about all that and again, he's said 'ok' and sort of been better for a week after then it's the same."
- "refers to himself as a SD" but was so stressed by looking after your DS for one night that he had to go out with his mates.
Yeah, when it's put like that it looks different
I did say (after that night) well I've been awake all night, in pain and am going home to look after him on tramadol but heyho I was in too much of a state to actually get that mad about it at the time and was just trying to get better etc.
He's not normally that crap but that's why I never asked again after.
He's on that bloody phone wherever/whoever he is with. He'll put it down for serious talks etc but thinks because DS is 3 he doesn't need much watching when he actually needs quite a bit as he's a master of the 'silent crime'! I often ask him if he's going to marry it 
I think I'm just painting him in a bad light as I'm venting. He is very affectionate with him when they're actually interacting. He just has a habit of sitting down and zoning out when I ask him to do that/if he offers
"I think I'm just painting him in a bad light as I'm venting."
I don't really think you are (painting him).
I find that writing something down (or even just thinking how I would put something if I were to write it down) tends to get me to the nub of the matter. My thoughts on something can be quite vague and fuzzy but when I decide to 'write' then I have to put it into actual words. This tends, for me, to distill that something down, make it less vague to me. Writing all the vague unformed thoughts would fill a book, so trying to communicate something in writing I automatically strip out all the stuff that really doesn't matter. I find the process of putting it into words helps me see the wood from the trees IYSWIM. And I think this is probably how it works for most people.
Your situation is you lost in the trees, sort of, with all the details of your relationship crowding around you. Having written down what's bothering you, chosen the words, you've stepped back and can see the woods. And naturally it is a bit scary. It's almost a reflex action to backtrack to yourself, to tell yourself you're only venting, there's more to it than that. But really, you know there isn't . You were ill, your DS was ill, it's really not unreasonable to think your partner would offer practical and emotional support without a second thought. He didn't, and this has brought his empty promises into sharp relief for you.
I think your boyfriend has a lot of growing up still to do, and the fact that he hasn't done it by the age of 29 does not bode well.
That's really helpful. Thank you
I think it has just sharpened the feelings and thoughts about it all. I didn't realize I was feeling quite so ready to call it a day. And I think I'm guilty of just wanting it to be ok
I'll write some of it down in the morning to help think it over.
Got some more sleep and finally feeling a bit better (physically anyway) 
Just got a text to say he's playing football with his work team later so won't be coming over tonight. Then there's more football tomorrow and a match on Saturday (all day practically).
I feel like just asking for a week 'off'. Just to see how I feel. DS's dad is having him this weekend and I'd love to go out and do something with a friend/friends. We always end up staying in as he's 'out a lot in the week' so isn't that bothered whereas I've been stuck in for almost 2 weeks by that point and am always dying to do something, anything vaguely adult and out of the house 
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He lives in Cornwall (I'm in Berkshire, towards Reading) and works funny shift hours so it's tricky for him to take time off for anything other than pre-planned visits IYSWIM? And his dad died a couple of years ago so his mum is still relying on him quite heavily.
I'm not expecting a week off though! 
Just feel like BF is making life more stressful instead of less.
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