to resent BF for his ability to bugger off and sleep/do hobbies/see friends when I'm stuck at home with DS?

[LuckyLannister]

Important bits:

DS is not his, though we've been together for 1 1/2yrs and since DS was 1 1/2 (he's now 3 and a bit).

I'm 25 he's 29. I live alone with DS and he lives with his parents (had a shit job for most of his twenties and just never 'got it together').

DP/BF says lots of (what I feel are) sweet nothings about us being a family and DS being like his own etc etc. He wants us to move in together, would love to be a dad in the next 5ish years...

I know what I signed up for with DS. I've been a lone parent since pregnancy. But I find myself feeling really resentful that DP/BF plays sport two nights a week and one weekend-day then often has a guys night too. I can't really arrange to go out at myself unless it's far in advance (and it's not really about that tbh). I just feel so acutely aware of 'being' a single parent when he's off doing his stuff. It never used to bother me when I was single.

It also goes against a lot of the stuff he says about us being a family etc. If we're likely to have a bad night he stays home. I have a cervical infection from treatment last week and DS is ill so he just popped in briefly (and fell asleep on the sofa for 2hrs) before going home to get an early one. He doesn't deal with the bad behaviour or do the other boring parent stuff. Or anything remotely resembling housework, despite staying here a lot. Just plays with him. So I find it hard not to roll my eyes when he says he feels like DS's parent

He is nice generally. He does love me/DS. But I certainly wouldn't want a child with him (too high a risk of ending up a single mum of two) and wonder if being nice isn't enough if you resent them? It's not healthy is it? I can't really help feeling that way, other than making sure I keep seeing my own friends/doing my own thing within my limits.

I just feel so crap about it this last month or so.

[Boomerwang]

How are things going now?

[BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure]

Well done!

[LuckyLannister]

No more messages. I think that's it.

Curled up with a DVD and some lovely dinner I made (which he didn't eat 2/3rds of)!

[Inertia]

Well done, stay resolute :)

[Aeroflotgirl]

Good hope it's the end now!

[LuckyLannister]

I think that's it anyway.

After the one I sent saying don't contact me again I got a 'wow Lucky, I guess it's really it this time' no shit

I won't reply again anyway but I think the penny finally dropped.

Hopefully that's that and I can get on with the nice weekend we have planned with friends and family and just try to forget about it all!

[Aeroflotgirl]

Stay strong, don't reply to his texts, just delete and forget. Don't bother reading them!

[LuckyLannister]

I have.

I'm not sure why he thought telling me he didn't get it meant I should contact him to explain...again.

Ah well!

[HayDayQueen]

The fact that 'he doesn't get it' is actually WHY you've broken up with him!

You've tried to get him to understand many, many times. But he's so self centred that he just can't get your viewpoint.

[LuckyLannister]

I'm not bothered that he 'doesn't get it' (also in the letter) anymore. He doesn't have to really. I gave him some solid reasons and it's over. End of.

[LuckyLannister]

Oh my god That's ridiculous

I know, I blocked his family from fb as I had a strong feeling they'd get involved.

It did make me sad to read it but then I just felt angry that he'd tried to manipulate a response out of me that way. Backfired on him really.

[Boomerwang]

Things will get easier. Breaking up is always hard, and even harder if it's drawn out. I understand you kind of want to know if he's figured out the reason for you breaking it off but that just makes it harder than ever. Don't go back now, you've already said that the honeymoon period never lasts.

[CheeryName]

Stay strong. You are doing great.

When I broke up with my ex he was just like this, at one point he got his mum to call me in an attempt to take him back.

But whhhyyyyyyyyy don't you want to be with my son?

Erm, well, anyone in their 20s who gets their mum to call their ex, isn't someone I want to be in a relationship with...

[LuckyLannister]

Oh yes, he seems to be unable to believe that I'm not having it! My fault partly but he'll realize eventually.

[LuckyLannister]

He's certainly braver than most

I would've given up at the 'dumping point'.

[HayDayQueen]

If you think about how he has dealt with most of the problems you have had with him, I think you'll find that this method has worked for him. He just keeps on and on at you until you just give up/in.

[LuckyLannister]

I have.

I just said I told you that was it and meant it. Please don't contact me again. I won't reply.

I don't think he'll carry on after that, or at least if he does I'll be ignoring it. I didn't anticipate how determined he would be tbh

Nevermind!

[HayDayQueen]

If you do decide to text him, don't reply to his message just say 'I have asked you not to contact me'.

Try not to dwell on it - much easier said than done though!!

[LuckyLannister]

Oh joy, a follow up text to ask if I read it. (He can't call but I still get his texts in my spam folder).

Taking DS to the park then on a nice local canal walk as he's off nursery today and I'm well caught up on studying.

I don't know whether to reply saying yes, and no, there is no chance (he asked in the letter) or just leave it. I know if I reply he'll try and 'get into it'. I almost hate him atm for just stressing me out even more on top of everything.

[LuckyLannister]

He said he does in his letter! I mean what the actual fuck?

How he feels (and making sure I know) is more important to him overall. Says it all for me. It's just not pleasent. I hope a few more days on NC will mean the end of it, properlly.

[LuckyLannister]

Thanks

It's ridiculous how soppy the letter is considering the things he said to me when I broke up with him!

I know from experience with him that it won't last. We'll be back to 'normal' with me doing the bulk of the shitty-gritty stuff in no time.

[ChasedByBees]

Any decent guy would respect what you say and feel and leave you alone. He obviously doesn't, does he?

[ChasedByBees]

There are so many things wrong with him, I'm so glad you've left. I've also had that physical gut reaction - I'm very happy for your tummy that he's an ex!

One final thing though - if you're with a guy and you're worried he will kick off and get aggressive if you finish things, that is a really, really bad sign and enough reason in itself to end things. In future, you don't have to give a reason for staying in a relationship. The fact that you want to end things is enough.

[LuckyLannister]

I think he thinks pester power/guilt trips will work if he keeps doing it?

I can be a bit soft so that's probably why but break ups are usually final. And I did say that I wouldn't change my mind like before because we'd already given it a second shot and it didn't work.

[LuckyLannister]

I'm ignoring it though. Any contact at all just draws it out and makes it extra painful. It's like getting a 'hit' of something you're trying to go cold turkey over, even if it's negative.

Learnt that the first time we broke up!