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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Need advice. Unable to continue living at home.

93 replies

ConfusedTeen · 08/06/2014 19:41

I'm 17 years old. I came here because I saw this website advertised on this morning one time and thought you guys might be able to help me since I have no one...

Basically what's up is that I'm unable to live at home. My parents split when I was young and me sister and I lived with out mum. She met someone, got remarried and had kids with him, they eventually split up and my mum took it very hard. She turned to drink and drugs and social services became involved. My brother and sister got taken into foster care and that just made things worse.

My sister and I often get into horrible fights with my mum with them sometimes getting physical. She threw us both out and we haven't seen her for about 5 days, we've been staying with friends.

We can't live with my dad as he has no room for us, and my mums sister has offered to take us in but she really can't afford it and I'd feel bad. I spoke to the family social worker and she said basically the only way to sort it is to go homeless and live in a hostel.

This makes me nervous. I'm only 17 years old and my sister is 16. She's still in school where as I literally just graduated yesterday. So with no source of income I am totally scared on what to do next.

Anyone have some advice?

OP posts:

MammaTJ · 08/06/2014 19:47

Here are special hostels for 16-25 year olds. Go to the council. It is not as good as a supportive loving family home but far better than being on the streets or with your mum!

Goldmandra · 08/06/2014 19:47

Oh sweetheart that's awful! I want to come and get you myself. I have a 17 year old daughter and can't imagine how she would cope with this.

You are amazing to be looking for advice like this and it's great to want to avoid being a burden but please do go to your mum's sister. You and you sister need somewhere safe.

Get her to contact social services herself to ask for support.

Take things one step at a time xx

NatashaBee · 08/06/2014 19:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MammaTJ · 08/06/2014 19:48

I should add, I had a young friend go to one when her Dad died. Her mum. Had already decided some time previously that she didn't have room for her!

Dragonlette · 08/06/2014 19:49

Are you in the UK? Things might be different in other countries but there are hostels for young people as MammaTJ said. They might not be wonderful but they're better than being in a house with a mum who gets into physical fights with you.

Timeandtune · 08/06/2014 19:53

I wouldn't be put off by the idea of a hostel. At your age you should be able to get some form of supported accommodation which can help you plan for the future .
If you tell me roughly where you are I will do some research for you about local sources of help,

Original poster

ConfusedTeen · 08/06/2014 19:56

Yes I'm in Scotland. All of the local hostels have bad reputations and I've heard about them.

Our social worker is basically crap. She never does anything she's supposed to. Before my younger siblings went into foster care they were placed with my mums sister. She majorly struggled. Social services provided little money whilst my mum continued (and still does) recieve full benefit for 4 children!!! It's ridiculous.

Also if my sister and I move to a hostel, she'll likely not go to school. She has a record of truanting due to everything going on at home, she's likely not gonna go tomorrow and I have no clue where she's been staying all weekend... Omg I could seriously roll up and die :(

OP posts:

Original poster

ConfusedTeen · 08/06/2014 19:57

Timeandtune - I'm in Ayrshire.

OP posts:

pinkie1982 · 08/06/2014 19:59

Some hostels aren't as bad as you might think, i stayed in one when I was17 and I had my own flat as was over 16. Go to your local council housing office and explain your situation.
Otherwise take the family member up on her offer and start looking for part time work for you and your sister. You could pay a little towards living costs and try to save?

gordyslovesheep · 08/06/2014 20:01

social services - your sister is still of school age and they have a duty of care to both of you

They will be able to help you access housing, funds, benefits etc

DoJo · 08/06/2014 20:01

Well, you're already doing a good job by coming on here - Mumsnet is great for people rallying round to help those who need it, so take every offer of help you can get. I really wouldn't worry about imposing on your aunt - it might not be for a long time, and I would certainly rather have relations on the sofa/floor/bath than know that they were stuck with nowhere to go.
It might only be short-term too if you can sort out somewhere else to stay - I would also recommend seeing the council, and if you can get someone allocated to help you and your sister you should be able to access other forms of support such as money, any clothes or equipment you might need and a referral to a food bank if that is necessary too. We are lucky to live in a country where there is provision for people who need it, so make use of as much support and assistance as you can.
Good luck - if you can post a vague idea of where you are based, you might find some more specific advice from people who know the area.

harriet247 · 08/06/2014 20:01

Hopefully a hostel wont be forever and you will be provoded with a council home asap. Do uou have a part time job or anything like that? Your aunt would be entitled to benefits for you I believe but im not sure of the details. Hopefully somone will come along in a minute who knows more than me! Im sending you a massive hug. Its going to get better!!

gordyslovesheep · 08/06/2014 20:02

ask for a different social worker - just read your post

your circumstances have changed - they should be supporting you

RhondaJean · 08/06/2014 20:02

Sweetheart I am in Ayrshire too, are you north south or east?

I'm south and I know there are some great housing support worker that work ?ith young people here.

In the meantime I sould suggest you urgently contact Ayr housing aid centre tomorrow, they're a charity and they can help and advise.

Original poster

ConfusedTeen · 08/06/2014 20:05

RhondaJean - I'm in north ayrshire.

gordylpvessheep - she was on child protection, her name got removed when she turned 16.

OP posts:

raffle · 08/06/2014 20:06

What a horrible situation. You can change social workers if you feel your current one isn't acting in your best interests. Please go to your Aunty, it doesn't have to be long term, but you need somewhere safe until you can get some support to figure out your next move. Best of luck.

Hairylegs47 · 08/06/2014 20:06

What an awful start you've had. You've got a good head on you though!

Listen, hostels aren't half as bad as the rumours make out. I was in one that was supposed to be a cross between a crack house and brothel. It was neither. It was full of people in the same situation as myself.
Eventually the council gave me a house and I never looked back.
I had to 'prove' I was homeless, but as I'd been thrown out on the street in my nightie it wasn't too hard to do so.
Be pushy with them though, they will try to send to elsewhere if they can as they have a lot trying it on if you like.

Good luck!

Original poster

ConfusedTeen · 08/06/2014 20:08

I am looking for a job, I do a little cash-in-hand work for a local Chinese but nothing permanent. I'll be in a better financial situation in September, when I go to Uni, what with student loans.

OP posts:

RhondaJean · 08/06/2014 20:08

Ok my mum lives in north Ayrshire but I don't know it so well, bear with me though and I will have a look, there should be some type of independent housing advice service and also a specific housing support service for young people.

You need to be in touch ?ith both of them.

You sound remarkably together and strong.

Original poster

ConfusedTeen · 08/06/2014 20:10

RhondaJean - thank you so much!

Hairylegs47 - I know they're probably not that bad but I'm just terrified!

OP posts:

TwinkleTwinkleStarlight · 08/06/2014 20:10

Sweetheart what about going to your aunts even for a short time.

She wouldn't have offered if she hadn't meant it. I am an aunt and I know that I would offer the same as yours has in a heartbeat.

RhondaJean · 08/06/2014 20:12

Here

www.north-ayrshire.gov.uk/Documents/PropertyServices/HousingBuilding/CHAPLeavingHomeLeaflet.pdf

Go to the end and the places you need to tàlk to are there. CHAP are a good organisation, I worked with someone who was on their board once, also talk to HAPA. They will bother be far better placed to give you impartial advice than social work, and far mo specialised in dealing with housing problems.

falulahthecat · 08/06/2014 20:13

Hostels aren't as scary as they sound - I should know as I work in one :)
They give you a place to sleep (not always very nice but it's a safe space) and will help you find somewhere to live, a job etc.
Some are not as good as others (the charity where I work gives what I would call he necessary help but is considered exceptional) but it could well give you the start you need.

falulahthecat · 08/06/2014 20:14

And yes, your sunt will want to help you, don't feel bad, she loves you and the very fact you feel bad about it shows you won't take her offer for granted.

Original poster

ConfusedTeen · 08/06/2014 20:14

TwinkleTwinkleStarlight - I think I'll go see how it works out, maybe for a short time.

I'm not so much worried about me, it's my sister. She gets led astray easily. I mean I love her, but she's far too trusting she takes people at face-value all the time :/

OP posts:

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