Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to wonder WHAT exactly it is about a breastfeeding mother that some find offensive?

334 replies

MistressDeeCee · 06/06/2014 17:01

www.itv.com/news/london/2014-06-06/breastfeeding-mother-in-tears-over-barrage-of-verbal-abuse/

OP posts:
fledermaus · 07/06/2014 10:10

I've never had any negative looks or comments (though one unpleasantly smutty comment from a man to his wife Hmm) and no one I know has either.

Pleasejustgo · 07/06/2014 10:12

Fair enough however for me I've some friends I'd feel very strange feeding in front of because they are all oh dear it's a hungry baby and some I'd actually let help me latch the baby on as they just see it as a situation where a baby needs to be fed. I also understand maybe your need for privacy as some people just prefer to be more private irrespective of attitude but for many women they don't feel confident because if the negative attitude towards it.

It someone has stary eyes at them where they hadn't mastered something it can be daunting. The don't give a fuck attitude comes with experience I think.

PrincessBabyCat · 07/06/2014 10:16

Similarly, I found it perfectly possible to feed w/o needing a cushion, sofa arm, etc to prop me/baby up and get into a comfortable position - I didn't realise that wasn't the case for everyone until watching a friend trying to get her baby latched on w/o that.

Yeah, the only way I could get DD to latch was to sit a certain way on the bed, propped her up a certain way, fiddle with my boob, position my nipple and the plop her on and hope her rapidly shaking her head back and forth didn't mess it all up. BF kept me confined to my bed since I wasn't producing much any DD was hungry every 2 hours (which meant I was only NOT BFing for 40 minutes at a time). I personally would not be able to go in public and fiddle with my nipple in front of other people so DD could latch.

Sparklingbrook · 07/06/2014 10:17

Yes I agree Please. I do wonder that me being me and a quite a private person in RL with a few issues about personal space maybe I am deluding myself to think I would have been BF all over the place had it gone successfully.

I can imagine starting to feed and people coming and sitting very close, and I would hate that because I hate strangers sitting/standing very close to me anyway.

I think there must be people like me about. Grin

BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 07/06/2014 10:19

I bet none of those student room posters buy FHM or Nuts to read in Costa either.

Sparklingbrook · 07/06/2014 10:21

PBC that all sounds v familiar, especially the shaky head bit, praying he wouldn't detach and i would have to start again. Plus much nipple fiddling.

Pleasejustgo · 07/06/2014 10:22

If someone sat next to me and I was feeding I'd have a meltdown. I'd consider it a gross invasion of my space. Whether that's anything to do with bfing or general proximity issues who knows.

If I feed in public I like to do it a little bit away from the group and that's not because I care in anyway what anyone thinks I just also value my privacy and space. I won't however not feed somewhere just to not upset other people. If my children are hungry then their needs come first.

PhaedraIsMyName · 07/06/2014 10:28

Other people's supposedly negative attitudes had nothing to do with my not wanting to feed in public. Like another poster (Princess I think) as baby had such short breaks , day and night , between feeds , doing anything else , let alone getting dressed and leaving the house was academic.

Making up bottles and using an electric steam steriliser was a doddle compared to the misery of ebf ,

Sparklingbrook · 07/06/2014 10:28

Sometimes I do feel for the other people in cafes. They may be very pro breastfeeding but feel uncomfortable trying to not make the BF Mum feel uncomfortable if that makes sense.

Spare table nearby. If I sit at it will that make the Mum feel uncomfortable? If I don't sit there will they think I am anti-BF and don't want to go near them?

Dilemma.

CrystalSkulls · 07/06/2014 10:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PhaedraIsMyName · 07/06/2014 10:31

Sparkling and PBC your descriptions sound exactly
like my experience too.

OxfordBags · 07/06/2014 10:36

Clearly I'm not saying your niece should have suffered, LadyNexus, let's not be silly now. Did I not point out that I believe mothers should feed their babies however they want or need to?! My point was that your absurd statement that studies don't prove anything was ridiculous and that using a few people known to you as an a example of something is redundant.

The super power thing is puerile. Can you not discuss the topic rationally?! Me saying that breast milk is superior nutritionally is not me hyperbolically claiming it has incredible, almost supernaturally powerful qualities, for fuck's sake. It's so draining and boring to try to discuss somethinng sensibly with someone unwilling to be balanced about it.

Pleasejustgo · 07/06/2014 10:40

Grin Oxfordbags

LadyNexus · 07/06/2014 10:41

Wow Oxford, just wow.

Try to lighten up a bit, you'll live longer.

No, those studies don't mean anything to me. I accept that breast milk is superior, but would you be kind enough then to enlighten me on what this marked difference it makes is?

My point was that in my personal experience breast fed babies have turned out no differently to formula fed babies, and to be honest I have seen no evidence to suggest that they really have, have you?

So if, in the end, babies turn out the same, does it actually matter that bm is superior to formula? At all?

Is it any reason to make anybody feel shit about themselves?

TheBogQueen · 07/06/2014 10:46

It's like slot of things when raising children, it's best to take a pragmatic approach.

Yes breast milk is better. That's a fact . But formula is really excellent nutrition too.

My strapping DP was raised on tins of evaporated milk and weaned at six weeks. My French cousins had some weird French vegetable stuff.

Sparklingbrook · 07/06/2014 10:47

If studies had shown that BF babies grew up to see in the dark/have superhuman strength then I am afraid my DSs would not have those attributes. Simple as that.

Talisawasnotsupposedtobethere · 07/06/2014 10:49

I think a lot of it is just misogyny, and the baby aspect is actually incidental. Breastfeeding is women occupying a space doing something entirely female, and they are using a part of their body traditonally seen as sexual objects for the gratification of men as non-sexual objects to care for a child (caring not being respected in our society).

This hits the nail right on the head. I might even save it for future use!

As for feeling sad about seeing babies being bottlefed - I have up BFing fairly early, not because DS couldn't latch or because I didn't have enough milk (I had loads!) or because of medication etc. I gave up because every second of breastfeeding made me utterly miserable.

Now, DS is way healthier than pretty much all of his breastfed peers and we had lovely snugly bottlefeeds and now have a wonderful bond. What could you possibly find sad or upsetting about that?

Writerwannabe83 · 07/06/2014 11:13

I'm curious as to why the breast feeders did breast feed? (Or still are).
Especially if they had a lot of difficulties but struggled on as opposed to changing to formula?

Was it because you knew of the health benefits and that was your driving factor? Or was it because it felt like breast feeding is what women 'should' do as it's natural milk and the concept that 'mammals feed their young'.

LadyNexus · 07/06/2014 11:15

Writer I think mine was because I'm stupidly stubborn Smile

I also had pnd which I think always made me feel unhealthily guilty when I thought of giving up.

OxfordBags · 07/06/2014 11:16

Nexus, the whole point of my original comments to you were about not making women feel shit. I pointed out that the argument for choice would be strengthened by not trying to deny the evidence, as you do, and instead focus on mothers being respected and supported for their choices to nurse their babies however they want. Are you actually reading something different from what I've written, or are you just deciding for yourself what I've said?!

My point was that in my personal experience breast fed babies have turned out no differently to formula fed babies, and to be honest I have seen no evidence to suggest that they really have, have you?

Well, I've seen reams and bloody reams of medical evidence to prove, not suggest it, yes.

But you seem to only value anecdotal, subjective 'evidence'. So, I'll give you some. I could point out here that I was FF and my siblings BF (I had a bad tongue tie, and my mother was pressurised to bottle feed. She had more confidence and there was no tongue tie for the others), and that my health, particularly immune system, is much, much worse than theirs. There's no other factor in our upbringing or genetics than that which would make an obvious difference. And that there's noticeable health differences between my cousins who were BF or FF. But I suspect you will say those prove nothing, even though you simultaneously claim that your own experiences prove everything that you state.

If you want evidence on the benefits of breast milk, then look it up. I suspect I'd just be wasting my time finding lots of links for someone who believes that studies prove nothing.

We're actually on the same side, I'm just suggesting that you weaken your argument by coming out with daft stuff about studies not meaning anything.

LadyNexus · 07/06/2014 11:19

No Oxford that is new to me I must admit. I have not seen or heard of reams of evidence that prove breast fed babies turn out markedly different to their formula fed counterparts.

But I will take your word for it.

( p.s it's much easier to get on board with what you are saying when you aren't using anger/ insults to prove a point Grin)

OxfordBags · 07/06/2014 11:26

Writer, I had a lot of problems with BFing. In fact, there were pretty bad problems on and off for the first year. It is a common myth that women who breastfeed, especially those who keep it going for any length of time, find it effortless, which is so not the case, so thanks for asking that question.

I didn't feel pressurised at all to BF. In fact, everyone I know, even FFers agree that the pressure comes from people trying to persuade you to switch to formula. The health benefits of it mattered to me too. But my main driving force was that my DS clearly loved, wanted and needed it so much, and it created such a lovely bond between us, and, despite the problems, it was so helpful (sleeping, upsets, illness, etc.) too, that I just thought 'suck it up' to myself, I got through the issues, and he is still Bfing at gone 3.

Now, I don't think anyone else should 'suck it up' if they feel things are too much for them, or that Bfing is the only way to create a strong bond, just that that's what worked for me and DS.

I will say here that I don't think there is much discernible difference between FFed babies and BFed babies when the BFing stopped before 6months or even a year. The longer my son BFs, and I know other mums in RL who BF, or have BFed, their kids past age 2, the more I see benefits and differences. Some of these are behavioural and emotional, as they have access to a powerful, familiar source of comfort that's been continuous throught their entire lives. Humans are meant to BF until they get their adult teeth in, so I think it makes sense that any benefits only start to show when a child has been BF or not for several years.

elizadolittlechoc · 07/06/2014 11:31

I BFd my three. Was shocked that my DSis who chose not to have kids thought that breast milk is a bodily fluid like pee or saliva and thought it shouldn't happen at swimming pools as it was disgusting and spread AIDs etc!!!

fledermaus · 07/06/2014 11:31

I breastfeed because I and my babies enjoy it, and after the initial few weeks (both had tongue ties that needed correcting) it's safe, healthy and easy, no planning ahead or worry about having enough. And you can do it in your sleep Grin

Sparklingbrook · 07/06/2014 11:34

I couldn't fleder. I had to be awake to fiddle with nipples and fight the baby onto my breast and experience the toe curling pain.

Early on DH had to wake up and help me. Grin