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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder WHAT exactly it is about a breastfeeding mother that some find offensive?

334 replies

MistressDeeCee · 06/06/2014 17:01

www.itv.com/news/london/2014-06-06/breastfeeding-mother-in-tears-over-barrage-of-verbal-abuse/

OP posts:
Lancashiregal10 · 08/06/2014 21:45

I think five reasons:-

  1. I think to breastfeed in public you need a certain confidence and people are jealous of that confidence.
  2. we live in a society where is seen as the norm almost to slag people off and put them down.
  3. A lot of men and even women think breasts are for sex and are a sexual object (the amount of times I have seen or heard the comment "well you would not like it if a man got his penis out"
  4. People see breasts and get embarrassed and prudish
  5. Totally brainwashed by the daily mail (I once read a breastfeeding in public article in there and the reporting and comments made by the readers was disgusting.
Or you could just lump them all into one and just say some people are twats.
Lemiserableoldgimmer · 08/06/2014 21:47

"Or you could just lump them all into one and just say some people are twats"

^^ this

Grin
Lancashiregal10 · 08/06/2014 21:48

Also the student room - OMG- if that is the future of this country then God help us

Skippingthroughthefarm · 08/06/2014 21:57

Breasts are for feeding babies they are not some sexual object anyone that finds it disgusting or sexual for women to breastfeed are messed up in the head IMO if that mum wanted a relaxing cuppa and a slice of cake while she fed her DS then she can he shouldn't have to eat his dinner in a toilet just because some backwards OAPS thinking its dirty !! Angry she has Thanks Brew Cake from me

PhaedraIsMyName · 08/06/2014 22:49

Well - one is feeling sad because of a vulnerable newborn baby being deprived of something which has been made specifically to give it the best possible protection from ill health while it's tiny and vulnerable

That comment gives the lie to your comment about understanding how bloody awful bf can be. "Deprived" to me indicates you do believe the "every-one can do it myth"

frumpet · 08/06/2014 22:50

mollypup i will be honest with you and explain that as a sleep depived parent who breastfed , there have been occasions in the past where i have got the boob out and not immeidiately attached the baby , not because i am a big girly show off , but because i was distracted and was so used to whipping them in and out , that i forgot , my Dads face really was a picture Grin
I am probably one of the least militant people you could ever meet , one child FF , one BF and one half and half .
I am also guilty of publicly groping my breast's to work out which is the one i need to feed off next , as i cannot remember ( again due to lack of sleep )

Writerwannabe83 · 08/06/2014 23:02

I do that frumpet - feel them up and go for the hardest Grin

Lancashiregal10 · 08/06/2014 23:44

Hate the everyone can do it attitude. Only made by women who have either never had children or found it a breeze.

Lemiserableoldgimmer · 08/06/2014 23:54

Nobody has said 'everyone can breastfeed' have they?

Only that 'most people can breastfeed'. Which is true.

Why look for imaginary comments to get cross about?

Lancashiregal10 · 08/06/2014 23:55

OMG just read some of the comments on the student forum and this was one of them:-

Maybe she's not a slut ( we don't know), but breastfeeding in public is very off putting, especially to parents who don't want their kids exposed to that kind of stuff and asking questions that could effect them maybe in the future (?) I don't know personally, if Costa is breastfeeding friendly, then she has the right to do so but others I guess have the right to express their thoughts of the actions, maybe not as badly as they put it though.

Kids exposed? WTF

Lancashiregal10 · 08/06/2014 23:56

Yep because I have quite often heard of people scarred by seeing someone breastfeed!!!!

PhaedraIsMyName · 09/06/2014 00:03

Lemiserableoldgimmer "deprived" is a pretty loaded word if you weren't trying to be judgemental.

I had 3 months of being more unhappy than I'd ever been in my life and getting that sort of comment from people who thought I wasn't trying hard enough.

Skippingthroughthefarm · 09/06/2014 00:05

Most people can breastfeed but some just can't its a fact i hate it when people act like formula milk is the devil's piss and its wrong to give your baby it when in actual fact it is the same as breastmilk its just breastmilk is convenient easy and natural plus its free. i plan on breastfeeding my PFB but if i can its no big deal and even if i can it is painful at first which is what the medics advising it do not tell you which is why most women quit it because the pain shocks them. but yh formula milk and breast milk are both fine for babies and neither should be judged in public

Lemiserableoldgimmer · 09/06/2014 00:29

Breastmilk and formula are not the same. Ff babies are more likely to be sick, be hospitalised, need antibiotics, visit the GP. Doesn't mean you shouldn't ff - you may feel these risks are not great and are acceptable to you. Fine, that's a perfectly reasonable, socially acceptable and common POV but either way - be an adult, don't ignore the facts or deliberately characterise views you don't agree with as extreme. Nobody thinks formula is evil. Everyone knows it has a place.

BertieBotts · 09/06/2014 00:36

They are young people BogQueen Grin Did you see the thread the other day about "twatworthy things you said or thought as a student"?

Writerwannabe83 · 09/06/2014 06:05

skipping - I don't have any problems with FF babies and have worked with enough new mothers to know BF isn't for everyone and like phaedra said it can cause an horrendous state of mind for some women to the point it really isn't worth pursuing - but to say formula milk is the same as breast milk? Well that's a bit of a silly thing to say.

Sparklingbrook · 09/06/2014 07:09

I know breast milk is not the same as formula, I couldn't BF. I am now hiding this thread, and I will be hiding any other BF/FF that comes up in Chat/AIBU. I have BF/FF topic hidden and I know why now.

At the time I knew about the supposed 'risks' and no they weren't acceptable to me Lemis but I had no choice. 15 years on I am upset that threads like this can still make me feel crap about it.

parentalunit · 09/06/2014 07:24

Lesmis, there's no need to make people feel bad if they can't breastfeed. Besides which, correlation is not causation, e.g. mothers who have preemie babies are likely to find it much more difficult to breastfeed, and the babies tend to be more ill...NOT because of formula, but because they are preemies. I have yet to see any normalized statistics on BF vs FF

MoominAndMiniMoom · 09/06/2014 10:47

Lancashire I posted on that thread on student room a lot the other day... someone rn out of arguments against my points and turned it into a giant slanging match about how he was going to refuse to talk to an ignorant moron who had a baby at 19, and told me I'm am embarrassment to my DD because I'm not at a Russell Group uni. these kids may be our best and brightest, but I wish someone had interrupted their maths lessons to teach them some social skills once or twice.

the irony was, he accused me of being ignorant and uneducated, but he was insisting that every parent changes to formula at 6 months old, and she could've just made him some formula to go out and breastfed at home.

laurelandgurdy · 09/06/2014 11:52

I think the offense taken is a cultural thing. "One does not do that" sort of Brit attitude.

My late sister thought I would die if I picked a smarty off the floor and ate it. It was ettiquette overdone

pianodoodle · 09/06/2014 12:00

I am also guilty of publicly groping my breasts to work out which is the one i need to feed off next , as i cannot remember ( again due to lack of sleep )

Pahaha glad it isn't just me Grin

I keep an elastic band on my wrist and swap it each time as a reminder... but I forget to swap it so just end up prodding them instead or trying to remember which side of the sofa I was sitting on last time.

Whoever is saying you should take formula for days out has never had to walk about with one giant boob weighing them down... :)

Writerwannabe83 · 09/06/2014 12:17

I've had 2 people think it's as easy as just give them bottles during the day. One person is having a wedding and my BF DS can't come do she told me to just leave him with someone else with some bottles. The other person was my dad who wants to take me on a nice surprise day out (apparently babies can't be there) and has said just to leave him with someone who can bottle feed him.

What do they want me to do?

I'm sure the bride would love it if I had my breasts out during the ceremony and speeches as I pumped away Grin

And I'm not sure my dad would feel comfortable with me sitting topless in the passenger seat draining my breasts of milk Grin

Never mind the fact that I don't want DS to have bottles and even if I did, where's the guarantee that he will take one?

Lemiserableoldgimmer · 09/06/2014 12:36

"Lesmis, there's no need to make people feel bad if they can't breastfeed."

If people want to engage in discussions and debates around the subject of baby feeding then they have to accept that others may not agree with them, and may offer information in support of their beliefs, and sometimes that information may make them feel uncomfortable. Offering information is not a personal attack. It's just not.

"I have yet to see any normalized statistics on BF vs FF"

Maybe you haven't looked properly. All decent research done into infant feeding in the past 30 years controls for a range of confounding factors. The evidence NHS recommendations on infant feeding are made on control for gestational age, parental smoking, social status, and often maternal education.

here

TBH - I'm surprised you could entertain the idea that the epidemiologists, doctors and midwives who sit on panels to review the evidence underpinning NHS guidance are so thick they would be happy to make recommendations about the benefits of breastfeeding on the basis of research with flaws in it so glaring that any GCSE science student would be able to identify them. Do you really think they're that dense? Ditto your feelings about the Royal College of Midwives, Royal College of Paediatrics, Royal College of Obs and Gynae, yada, yada, yada..... Hmm

Floisme · 09/06/2014 12:38

A lot of people just don't know how breastfeeding works so they don't understand why you can't feed your baby 'in advance' or give them a bottle if you go out. I was the same until I breastfed myself. I don't think most of them mean to be obnoxious, it's just ignorance.

PhaedraIsMyName · 09/06/2014 13:45

It's rather difficult to see the selection of words like "deprived" other than as a personal attack. In the context of my and my son's background "deprived" is laughably inaccurate.

I looked at the reports and indeed quoted section of them which referred to the benefits not being as spectacular as you are making out.

I also see a Dutch report which recommend 4 - 6 months. Imagine, my failure "deprived" my son of 1 month.