to wonder WHAT exactly it is about a breastfeeding mother that some find offensive?

[MistressDeeCee]

www.itv.com/news/london/2014-06-06/breastfeeding-mother-in-tears-over-barrage-of-verbal-abuse/

I breastfed out of a conviction that it was the best thing for my dc, and I was lucky enough generally to find it pretty easy. I was certainly grateful for the fact that it was so much less hassle than bottle feeding.

I get the feeling that people who find public breastfeeding offensive are almost afraid of it, but I can never understand why. There is also a type of commentator who can never deal with it without getting offensive - e.g., they won't take about someone putting a child to the breast, it's always something like "flopping their baps out". The line that really exposes the terminally stupid ones is "People say it's natural, well so is defecating but you don't do that in public do you". I always wish I could confront someone like that with examples of each and ask if they really can't see the difference.

I have never met a person in RL that finds BF offensive. I have never really noticed anyone breastfeeding in public, and i have never seen anyone challenged when doing so.

All the BF outrage I have seen is via the Daily Mail. Sports Direct, and in swimming pools of late.

I'm an amazing mum regardless of how I feed, and the same is true for any mum on this thread. I don't love my daughter any less, nor is our bond weakened by the fact that I have rubbish nips and DD can't latch for toffee.
As I said on another thread, this constant back and forth, spouting facts and figures extrapolated from a huge amount of people and applied to individual posters, does no good. Some posters on this thread seem to have a bee in their bonnet about formula feeding, others earlier on in the thread don't like people breastfeeding.

Why can't we all just accept that we're amazing mums to our children, and that we need to stick together in the face of discrimination and abuse aimed at mothers, however they feed their babies? What is wrong with leaving the statistics and studies out of it, because it doesn't make the blindest bit of difference, and celebrating the fact that our babies are being fed! Maybe a few babies have a slightly higher chance of poorer health than their bf counterparts, but that's preferable to the idea of thousands of babies not getting fed at all and starving?

Come on. Forget these stupid agendas against formula, forget the not being keen on seeing women publicly breastfeeding and support other mums, because motherhood is really bloody lonely if you feel unsupported.

I have no problem accepting that mums who formula feed are just as loving and caring as women who breastfeed.

I'd love to believe that how a baby is has no bearing on health, but I'm an adult with a working brain and an interest in the evidence which says otherwise.

Accusing those people who refer to the evidence in support of a belief that it matters how babies of putting down parents who formula feed, is an underhand form of censorship. I'm sick of it being reeled out to close down discussions of this topic into those where medical evidence is considered to add nothing and where anecdote and bland assurances are the only comments allowed.

Surely there is a place for a RANGE of contributions, and people shouldn't be told that they are making personally offensive comments when they are doing nothing more than referring to the evidence?

Except the evidence you linked to said the SIDS risk was marginal and there were many variable lifestyle factors in the equation.

Again only anecdotal, the only SID I have come across in real life was ebf. The 2 people I know with the worst food and pet allergies, continuing in to adult hood, also bf.

phaed - I did see that comment about feeling sad when a baby is being bottle fed and I found it very bizarre. I have no idea why it would make someone sad?

I didn't comment though as I wasn't sure whether the poster was referring to being fed via a bottle as opposed to feeding off a breast, or whether she was assuming formula was in the bottle and that's what saddened her because she thinks the baby should have breast milk.

After all, if she is saddened by formula, who is to say the baby isn't having expressed breast milk? She's making the assumption that bottles=formula which isn't always the case anyway.

If she does come back (I can't remember what poster it was) I'd love her to explain herself further as I think feeling sad for formula fed babies is actually quite an unnecessary and hurtful comment to make.

writer it was a nasty comment and from it the thread went where it did.

I took "sad" to mean the same as I feel sad if I see a child being ignored, or sworn at or hit. She didn't come back to explain.

Yeah, almost like she feels sorry for them or feels pity for them. A very odd and like you said, nasty comment. Whether she meant it maliciously, who knows, but she probably hurt a lot of people's feelings. I just found it a very bizarre thing to say.

Ooo also I personally found the breast feeding in a swimming pool thing meh.
I'd have fed before swimming.

Although I would never breastfeed. D.D was bottle fed as will any children that I'l be blessed with. My children, my body my choice. I would never say it's offensive. What can possibly be offensive about a women feeding her baby. We don't get offended when we see animals feeding their babies do we. xx

"phaed - I did see that comment about feeling sad when a baby is being bottle fed and I found it very bizarre. I have no idea why it would make someone sad? "

If you feel strongly that breastfeeding is important for babies, and if you know that most people can do it, it does make you feel sad. It's quite logical that you'd feel this way - you feel that the baby is being deprived of something which it was get pleasure and health protection from.

I know midwives who've said that when they started practicing they would get quite choked up watching a newborn on its mum's chest rooting for the breast in an instinctive way, if they knew the mum wasn't going to breastfeed it. Just felt there was something sad about it.

So it's not alright to feel sad, and to voice that you feel sad, when someone bfs in public..

But it's fine to voice that you feel sad seeing a baby being fed formula?

You're right, most people can do it. But imagine how many more cases of stress and PND would occur? People need to mind their own business. It's none of theirs how other people feed their babies.

Billboard posters selling expensive fragrance show more boob than I did breastfeeding in public.

Well - one is feeling sad because of a vulnerable newborn baby being deprived of something which has been made specifically to give it the best possible protection from ill health while it's tiny and vulnerable. The other is feeling sad/upset because you are squeamish about breasts. I know which one I feel more sympathy for...

That said - I wouldn't voice either opinion Ito a mum feeding her baby in a cafe, and if I voiced them in the context of a mumsnet discussion thread I'd be prepared to be challenged on my opinion.

Incidentally - it's also 'ok' to feel discomfited by public breastfeeding. You can't help how you feel. As long as you understand that a mum has a right to feed her baby without interference.

Because the breast is sexualised in our society.

And by the way - at a national level there is no link between high breastfeeding rates and high rates of PND. If anything breastfeeding is often protective against PND because breastfeeding mothers have physiologically normal postnatal hormones, and their babies experience less ill health.

Would want to add, before anyone comes thundering on saying that breastfeeding made them suicidal - I acknowledge that in individual cases breastfeeding is emotionally unsustainable for some women, particularly if they live in a culture where breastfeeding is poorly supported and socially misunderstood, as in the UK.

lesmis - are you from somewhere outside the UK?

No

Wish I hadn't read those links to the student room. Depressing.

I'm so glad my dp doesn't have the attitude that attitude he said himself if anyone said anything to me he'd soon tell them where to go.

I think people who have an issue with bf in public are weird and need to avert their eyes if it offends them that much, I assume the bfing mother isn't in their face doing a little shake is she?

I will raise my son to know what the primary function of breasts are, if I raised a child with some if those views I read on TSR then I'd feel like I had failed as a parent tbh.

pass - the image if a woman with her breasts out and 'doing a little shake' did make me smile.

Children should be raised to know what breasts are for. I was at my sisters a few weeks ago and she has a little girl who is 5. I told her that DS was hungry and she went to my nappy bag and asked where his bottle was. I told her that not all babies have bottles and that my baby had milk from somewhere else, then I asked her to guess where. She had no idea what I was referring to so I grabbed my boobs (over my top) and told her that's where my milk was. She absolutely didn't believe me! She kept laughing and saying, "no it's not!" I obviously whipped my breast out and she saw DS attach and start to feed - she was absolutely fascinated. She watched e for the entirety of the feed and her head was so close to my nipple area that my poor little DS seemed quite alarmed I explained that the reason why women have boobies is so they can feed their babies and she said, "why does mommy have boobies then? She hasn't got a baby."

Whenever I go round now she sits next to me and asks if DS is hungry and can she watch

Wow thestudentroom

Are these meant to be intelligent people ? They are incredibly pompous.

"But for some women, displaying their breasts in public stops being a "last resort" when they're breastfeeding, and they're insistent upon doing it, even when it isn't a necessity, or when they could have avoided it quite easily. "

I've never had anyone take any notice of me BF, in fact I had one lady come and tell me "well done". Perhaps I've just been lucky, or perhaps it's connected to where I live, there seems to be a pretty even proportion of BFs and FFs when I'm out and about, so neither seems out of the norm.

writer I did the same with DD she wasn't BF (tried and didn't work out) I think it's important kids know what they are actually for bedore they are bombarded by Crap like page 3 and lingerie billboards and alike.

My DD was fascinated and even tried bfing her doll, I was weirdly proud, I was glad she realised that they aren't purely sexual I think. :)

I remember when dd walked in on me pumping, she was gobsmacked and then had great delight in telling FIL to be that mummy gets milk out if her boobs.

Writer, DS and dd, 5 and 6, didn't believe it when I told them the other day about breastfeeding! I was like, 'eh, I breastfed you both for ages, you numpties!'
They were still very surprised! I guess in our area bottle feeding in public at least is the norm.