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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU about a stranger posting photos of my children online?

70 replies

Sianilaa · 05/06/2014 22:45

I will take your opinions either way!

My kids attend a class out of school. A friend of mine also takes her son. She knows a couple of the other parents/children from other places.

A few times now, photos from the class have appeared on my Facebook feed and they include my children and others and the coaches. All taken mid-class. I assume I can see these because this woman has tagged my friend in them.

I'm not very happy about this, can't really put my finger on why. I don't buy into this "paedo round every corner" thing but do feel as my boys are young that I should be able to choose what photos to share and how. I suppose I wouldn't mind so much if she was a friend but it feels wrong for a stranger to share photos of other people's children. Although her son is the focus of the pics, others are clearly identifiable, etc. I'm a school governor and know this would be a safeguarding/digital safety issue there. Would it be the same out of school though?!

I don't know, AIBU to be annoyed about this or am I getting my knickers in a twist over nothing?! :)

OP posts:

lljkk · 05/06/2014 22:48

I wouldn't care & think it's odd to worry about it, but I think most MNers will say yanbu.

PigeonPie · 05/06/2014 22:50

I would be unhappy too. At school parents are asked not to share pictures of school events on social networking sites and I think that should also apply to other children's classes.

I'd raise it with the tutor.

indigo18 · 05/06/2014 22:50

Wouldn't bother me as long as they are appropriately clothed for the activity.

FunkyBoldRibena · 05/06/2014 22:51

No it is a safeguarding thing. Message her and ask her to take them down or at least crop them out of the shot.

fledermaus · 05/06/2014 22:51

I think YABU, your children are just in the same place and the child being photographed.

You can't control your children's images unless you but them in a mask every time you leave the house.

Joules68 · 05/06/2014 22:52

Why, what do you all fear can/will happen?

mommy2ash · 05/06/2014 22:52

personally i don't put pictures on fb with other kids in them unless i am friends with the other kids mum on fb and tag her in it.

most people on my page do share pics with loads of kids in it so i guess there really isn't much you could do about it.

Original poster

Sianilaa · 05/06/2014 22:53

Nothing really, as I said, I can't put my finger on why I'm annoyed by it but it wouldn't be acceptable at school so why is it at an extracurricular activity?

OP posts:

zipzap · 05/06/2014 22:55

At both my dc's schools this would be a big issue.

Whilst we are allowed to take pictures when we go into school for the nativity play, sports day, sharing assembly etc there is always a reminder that we cannot post pictures anywhere public of any children except our own, unless we have the express permission of all the other parents. And certainly no general shots to be posted.

Even though you're a governor I'd maybe approach this as a regular parent to start with and maybe take a screen shot in to show the HT and get them to deal with - and then escalate to yourself the governors if you're not happy with what the head does...

fledermaus · 05/06/2014 22:56

Would it definitely not be acceptable at school? Most schools seem to have websites with photos of children on them, local paper photographers take pictures of events etc.

flyinghogfish · 05/06/2014 22:58

Something similar happened with one of the mums at our school a few years ago, there was some big event (yr 3 prom I think) and she posted pics of her child and others,in the class on fb, some parents of the other children in the photos found out and were not happy and it all kicked off, the school intervened and there is now a total ban on parents taking any photos of their children at any school events, understandable but bloody annoying and a shame, but understandable. However the school does arranges nominated photographer who will sell you images if you want to pay for them!

Artistic · 05/06/2014 22:58

At my child's school we are not allowed to take pictures unless its a stage performance. If I ever want a picture of DD in class - with her work behind her or something, am always told to make sure no other children are captured.

I've never seen any parent put up the stage pictures either. I think it's common sense not to. YANBU at all.

Original poster

Sianilaa · 05/06/2014 22:58

It definitely is at our school, and no photos would be shared of children on the school website/newspapers if the parents have requested it/not signed a form to say it's ok.

OP posts:

whynowblowwind · 05/06/2014 23:01

I do think there is a difference between school, which obviously has to have strict guidelines about even letting people on the premises, and less formal settings.

That said I can understand how you feel to an extent and I think it's fine to ask for the pictures to be taken down.

Youdontneedacriminallawyer · 05/06/2014 23:10

I don't really get what the difference is between looking at a photo of your DDs and looking at your DDs. Anyone can look at them while they're walking down the street, and take photos of them, so why the problem with looking at photos?

WorraLiberty · 05/06/2014 23:16

Have you ever put a photo of your child online OP?

If so then YABU

Ok, so you don't get to choose which photo appears that your child happens to be in, but your child doesn't get that privilege either if you put pics of him on your FB account.

Regarding schools, I am also a governor and our parents are simply asked not to put pics of other children online, but no-one can make them adhere to that unless they ban cameras (which thankfully they haven't).

whynowblowwind · 05/06/2014 23:16

There is a difference, although I find it hard to articulate precisely what it is. I suspect it's because someone can stare indefinitely at a photograph which would be difficult to do in the street. A photograph can also be saved to a phone or tablet easily and altered.

But I don't think either of those things are the reason for my slight unease - photographs feel personal, perhaps because they tend to only be taken amongst friends and family. My DS is on the school council, and is on their website though (looking very serious indeed about it! He is only in year 2!) and I dont mind that.

Feelings aren't always rational but they are there.

I think the OP has boys she said, not that this makes any difference of course.

ThaneOfScunthorpe · 05/06/2014 23:19

I think it's bad netiquette. And I have never put a picture of either of my children online as I think they should get a say in what goes online.

StarGazeyPond · 05/06/2014 23:23

I can't understand all the angst surrounding this.

I wouldn't know your child from 'Adam/Eve'. Relatives/friends do know your child........so where's the problem?

Bardette · 05/06/2014 23:25

A friend of mine has an adopted ds, there is a very real risk of birth parents trying to track him down and she has to work very hard to keep pictures of him off public media because no one sees a problem with sharing group photos online. People always think she is overreacting when she asks them to take it down. There can also be problems with estranged family members or domestic violence where the mother and kids are living in hiding from the father.

WorraLiberty · 05/06/2014 23:27

But that's not the case for the OP Bardette

Also, I doubt your friend would be silly enough to put pics of that child on her own FB either.

MrsMikeDelfino · 05/06/2014 23:33

It depends. My youngest ds is part of an after school activity, and the club occasionally posts pictures of them all on FB. I don't mind too much though, as it's a 'secret' group so not just anybody can see,
If the pictures were just randomly posted on any of the other parents wall who I didn't know, then no, I wouldn't be happy as I wouldn't know them and know what there privacy settings were like - not to mention if they actually knew everyone on their friends list.

MiniSoksMakeHardWork · 05/06/2014 23:35

Yanbu. I have chosen recently to remove my photos from fb. But it still doesn't remove the right for fb to pass them on as they see fit - the only way to avoid it is for everyone who has commented/tagged on them to remove their link too.

WorraLiberty · 05/06/2014 23:38

It may be a secret group, but the parents will almost without doubt, save the pics from the group and post them on their timelines anyway.

But unless there's a child protection issue within your family, again I don't see the problem?

My only 'issue' with all this photo posting is how the kids might feel when they're old enough to know that the adults in their lives, chose to put private photos of them on the internet.

Original poster

Sianilaa · 05/06/2014 23:41

That's part of the reason it bothers me bardette, it's not just that my children are in them but others are too and I bet they're not aware. The person who posted them doesn't know if there are any issues like this with children in the class.

She also has no security settings, I'm a stranger and can read everything on her wall if that makes a difference.

It's not the fact people will see photos of my kids - like you say, people see them in real life all the time! Nothing bad will happen if someone sees them. It's just annoyed me, rightly or wrongly. I wouldn't post group shots of kids I didn't know on Facebook, I suppose.

OP posts:

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