AIBU about a stranger posting photos of my children online?

[Sianilaa]

I will take your opinions either way!

My kids attend a class out of school. A friend of mine also takes her son. She knows a couple of the other parents/children from other places.

A few times now, photos from the class have appeared on my Facebook feed and they include my children and others and the coaches. All taken mid-class. I assume I can see these because this woman has tagged my friend in them.

I'm not very happy about this, can't really put my finger on why. I don't buy into this "paedo round every corner" thing but do feel as my boys are young that I should be able to choose what photos to share and how. I suppose I wouldn't mind so much if she was a friend but it feels wrong for a stranger to share photos of other people's children. Although her son is the focus of the pics, others are clearly identifiable, etc. I'm a school governor and know this would be a safeguarding/digital safety issue there. Would it be the same out of school though?!

I don't know, AIBU to be annoyed about this or am I getting my knickers in a twist over nothing?! :)

But Mini, you knew that when you put the pictures up, didn't you? There is no law preventing people from taking such pictures, as far as I am aware. Schools ask for permission to publish photos and in my school it is rare for parents to refuse permission; currently 3 out of 850.
I don't really see what threat a picture of random children at an activity class would pose.

know what there privacy

Just read my post back. Their! Not there. Oops

I do post pictures of my children online though not my husband as his job is sensitive.

I think it's rude personally, basic manners to me says you don't post pictures of other peoples children online without permission or blurring them out. I think it is particularly rude if the location is obvious.

YANBU

It may be a secret group, but the parents will almost without doubt, save the pics from the group and post them on their timelines anyway.But unless there's a child protection issue within your family, again I don't see the problem?

That's fair enough, never thought some might re-post on their own walls. I wouldn't have a problem with that, though. I don't think I'd like it if they actually named my child on there, though.
No child protection issues at all. I'm just 'weird like that' lol

I think it's rude personally, basic manners to me says you don't post pictures of other peoples children online without permission or blurring them out. I think it is particularly rude if the location is obvious.

Completely agree with this aspect too - I'm always uploading photos to FB, and generally waffling on, chatting etc, When I take pictures of my kids though, I always make sure there are no other children in the background. I'd never presume to put pictures of other children on there. It's basic common courtesy and manners. Not to mention you don't know whether the other parent would be comfortable with their image up there.

I agree that it's manners and common courtesy

But it doesn't sit right with me that parents expect those manners and courtesy regarding their DC's photos being put on the world wide web from other parents, when they're not affording the same to their own children?

Every single photo we put on the internet has the potential to end up anywhere and forever.

Yet kids just don't get a say in that, they live in blissful ignorance while their parents upload 100s of them.

I'm just glad I'm an old gimmer and the worst I had to worry about was my Mum getting the embarrassing family album out, when family came to visit.

At least she could close it after they left and put it back in the cupboard.

YANBU

There's something which feels very personal about having online pics where everyone can see them, be they of loved ones or yourself. Some people just aren't comfortable with that.

YWBU however if it was due to fear of peedos. Unless you have real and concrete reasons to fear for your DC, they are in no danger by someone posting a picture.

I imagine class photos of the future will just have rows of children with blocked out faces with just one childs face showing.

It's definitely not fear of paedos!

School photos are for your own personal use though - would you post a class photo on Facebook?

Also you make a really good point worra, I do post photos of my children on my own Facebook page. However I know all my Facebook friends and have high security settings so I know who I'm sharing them with and also choosing the photos I'm sharing of them. I think that makes a difference though.

I don't think it matters what other people think - it mattes what YOU want. This is a photo of your child, you don't want it on the internet, rightly or wrongly.

Send the person a PM (or friend you know her through) and ask them to crop the photo to remove your child.

I think it's a good time to remind people (parents and anyone else) of boundaries and safe guarding. It might not hurt to post a status about it "I reserve the right to dictate what photos of myself or my minor children are posted online. If I have posted a photo of you that you want removed, please let me know. Please respect my feelings and ask permission before posting photos and I will do the same for you. Thanks!"

-- As for the the "secret" group issue that someone else talked about, I have a secret album on facebook made visible only to family members. It contains photos of my dad from childhood onwards. Some are extremely personal. Just the other day I received a notification from FB that some woman I don't know made one of the photos her profile photo!! I completely freaked out of course. Turns out my half-sister tagged this woman in the photo, which made that photo visible to everyone she knows. That woman then cropped herself in the photo to make it her profile photo. Creepy as hell. Needless to say I untagged ALL photos that my half-sister tagged and removed my half-sister from the album viewers.

Some people are weirdos and have no concept of boundaries.

YANBU, DH and I have never and have no intentions of ever putting any picture(s) of DD on FB or any other social networking site. I have no issues with other people posting pictures of their DC as long as they don't flood my newsfeed but I would be really annoyed if someone I knew or worse hardly knew posted picture(s) of DD online. I would ask them to remove the picture(s).

This has nothing to do with worrying about stranger danger ect. Personally, its to do with privacy and every parents right to choose what they do and don't share about their DC online.

But it doesn't sit right with me that parents expect those manners and courtesy regarding their DC's photos being put on the world wide web from other parents, when they're not affording the same to their own children?

Worra you make a good point there, and one people should think about. I am guilty of putting pics of my kids up on FB, but not one single person on my friends list would I not happily sit down with in real life and get the 'old fashioned' baby photo albums out to show them.
They're friends only, and friends being people I actually KNOW in RL and not randomers.
I have extremely tight privacy settings on there. Other people putting pics up there should too.
I do have one friend who posts pics of baby bath type stuff and nekkid pics, Then talks about explosive poo for good measure, Just why?! Now that's worth keeping to yourself, lol

The thing is, having tight privacy settings and knowing everyone on your friend list doesn't guarantee you control over your child's photos.

Anyone on your list can share those pics or even upload them and re-post.

Ok so they might not have any reason to, but the fact is once you put any photo on the world wide web, you kiss goodbye to any rights to it.

Fair enough if we want to take that decision, but our children have no say in it whatsoever and those pics can and will remain on the internet until the world ends.

So as much as I can understand parents feeling uncomfortable about other parents posting pics that include their kids, just stop for a second imagine how your kids might feel one day...knowing you did something totally irreversible with their private photos.

yanbu

this is the problem now that many seem to think that it's fine to post photos of who they want on fb because they have private settings

it is not ok not everyone wants to share and experiences with people they do not know

If I put a photo of my children on FB (rare!) I make sure I crop out or obscure any other children. I think it is basic good manners TBH.

No way that's not on although I have some hidden in albums.

Can you restrict sharing of individual photos?

Any preschool event always comes with a request not to post photos on any networking site for safeguarding reasons.

I know personally of a case where a child was fostered against parental wishes, and photos leaked on FB led to clues about children's whereabouts and put them in danger of abusive parents trying to steal then back.

I would have thought if preschool has this policy then it's fair to look for it elsewhere for the same reasons.

Having said that, it wouldn't bother me because I'm not under those sort of circumstances, but I appreciate there are some who are and of course I would want to respect that.

how did you find the photos op?
i assume your dc are not tagged in them.

i imagine there is no problem asking her to change her security settings

The other thing about FB is that once you post a photo it belongs to FB. So in theory someone could use your child's pictures to advertise MacDonalds haha. I'm sure it hasn't actually happened yet but it's a strange world.

No axe to grind with MacDonalds btw

I am heavily involved with an after school activity and yes, we have a Facebook page. And yes, we do post photos of kids in class.

But not without first asking the parents if they mind.

Facebook pages are a very real tool in advertisement and people want to see pictures of the children. A photograph can have a an amazing effect.

As for schools and photos, again we all sign at the beginning of the year to say we agree to our children being photographed and the pictures being used for press/publicity. One of my children is the child pictured on the school website header! (Something I would not have been aware of I another parent hadnt pointed it out to me).

I think you can over think these things. I've had foster children live with me who have been placed with sensitive situations, and I've bent over backwards to keep their photos and address etc private. But as teenagers they have all gone on themselves to have Facebook. When they've achieved something at school or a club there have been photos taken with their awards which have gone in the school newsletters etc. As long as the children aren't tagged on Facebook I think it's ok.

I saw them because she tagged a mutual friend in them, so they appeared on my news feed (I don't know her at all by the way). Then I went onto her page and could see she's done it every week for the last three weeks as she has no security settings at all.

Judging purely by the kind of status updates she posts, I'm a bit wary of asking her to remove them! I have emailed the company that runs the classes to ask if they have a policy on it.

If you can't articulate why you are uncomfortable then how am I to know whether yabu or not?

If you can't articulate it then tbh you are probably bu.

i agree - if they are not tagged what difference does it make?

It doesn't make any difference to my children, although it has annoyed me that someone I don't know can post photos of them. I feel annoyed by it, which obviously makes me unreasonable! However, it might make a big difference to someone else in the class and I assume they are unaware that these photos are being posted.

I wouldn't post pictures of other children, unless I knew the parents and asked them. As an ex-teacher, I wouldn't have posted a general picture of any of my classes, although I do have some. Would you feel ok if your child's teacher posted a photo with your child in it on their Facebook?
But then, I've done safeguarding training as part of my job so perhaps I'm more aware of it.