Pineapples ..... Total fuckers.

[HoneyDragon]

They always manage to stab you when you carry home, no matter where in the bag you put them.


You waste loads, only 10% of the fuckers are officially edible.

They are messy.

You end up eating half of it before you finished chopping it up, on account they are gorgeous little bastards, so you never officially have enough, then get pineapple consumption guilt.

Pineapples, total fuckers.

[Oblomov]

Dh has got one if those pineapple corer things . Is totally fab.

[hudyerwheesht]

I once ate a whole fresh pineapple in an attempt to bring on labour. All I got was hands scratched to buggery, a mouthful of ulcers and a kitchen counter covered in sticky juice and the detritus of said pineapple. Not to mention a slight stomach ache but not a whiff of a contraction.

I wondered at the time why mil had insisted it had to be fresh, now after reading this thread I'm thinking that it would appear that inducing contractions may also be in a pineapple's repertoire.

Btw the pineapple corer whojamiwhatsit is also available in sainsburys.

[Fluffyears]

Put your butternut squash into microwave on high for three minutes, it's easier to peel and cut. I love my pineapple gasget thingy it makes it look perfect.

[ShineSmile]

You have to fresh mango but tinned pineapple is fine

[Zepherial]

Hogwash I have had good advice here, but that is fucking genius!
Runs off to buy pomegranates.

[Charlieboo30]

I love pineapple... Shame I'm allergic to it! Makes me but it's really not worth the swollen face, bleeding and hospital trip.

[PiratePanda]

Can't eat 'em, sadly. Give me horrible mouth ulcers.

[Spurious]

Somewhere sells them with the spiky shit cut off. Let me see....

[starfishmummy]

DS lives mango. I bought a gadget but it only works if the mangos is the right size!!
I often buy tins. He can eat a whole tin but iM's often cheaper than a fresh one and I am shit at knowing if fresh ones are ripe

[JuanFernandezTitTyrant]

Germgirl you too, eh? My "fight with an avocado scar" is my most middle class injury. Fortunately my wedding rings cover it up nicely. And we still ate the avocado once we were back from A&E. Just rinsed the blood off.

[TalcAndTurnips]

With a black marker pen and some googly eyes, you can turn a humble butternut squash into an uncanny likeness of ex U.S. President Richard 'Tricky Dicky' Nixon.

And then peel his epidermis off and eat his brains.

[Sicaq]

A peach once chipped my tooth. Bloody thug of a fruit.

[TSSDNCOP]

I have cheerfully eaten cherries and nectarines for many, many years.

In recent times if I eat one I get that rush of saliva to the mouth and throw up with abandon.

What's that all about.

And for sheer pointlessness I give you...The Melon. Pink cucumber in a harder skin with pips. Shite.

[TalcAndTurnips]

Sicaq - I do hope you sued.

If we let fruits think they have the upper hand, we will be right back to the days when bananas discarded their skins in the street and sat back to enjoy sadistically the misfortune of passers-by.

[NationMcKinley]

Talc I love raspberries too. Or at least I did until I realised that they look just like my nipples after 3 DCs have swung off them for bloody months Now I feel a bit odd if I eat them.

Pineapples are a bastard to peel etc but properly lovely to eat and the juice is brilliant for the shockingly dry mouth some chemo and ICU patients have. It's also great (as mentioned upthread) for very coated mouths and tongues.

Kiwis are fuckers though - hard as a rock for 3 days, perfect for about one second then putrid mush. Hairy green wankers.

[HoneyDragon]

I've just ordered two more pineapples with the online shop. I can't help myself

I've ordered some of them pears that promise to be ripe but never fucking are too.

It's like I'm using fruit to torture myself.

It needs to stop.

[PacificDogwood]

I love fresh pineapple and detest tinned pineapple.
I actually think that they are two different fruits

One must have a pineapple dissection device though like this

And for the slipperiness that are mangos you need [[http://www.lakeland.co.uk/10294/OXO-Good-Grips-Mango-Splitter this] - liberate stone, then turn 2 halves inside out, score and cut neat squares of yummy mango.

Pears - now, they are abusive: taunt you with their potential yumminess and then they are either as hard as a stone or mush
Fuckers.

[PacificDogwood]

You also need fruitninja - very therapeutic

[LadyHarrietdeSpook]

Please, for the love of God, can they introduce a 'like' function for posts? J'adore, j'adore this thread. (And watermelon are the fun lovin' criminals if this world.)

[SelectAUserName]

I have giggled all the way through this thread.

Not at pineapples though. No laughing matter, a pineapple. Vicious fuckers.

I wonder who first looked at a pineapple and thought "bet that tastes nice..." It's the fruit equivalent of an armadillo.

[Catsize]

I always wondered who bought real pineapples...
Haven't been able to face it since eating 20tonnes of it at the end of my last pregnancy.

[echt]

The hairy kiwi fruit aren't so good, but the smooth golden ones are fab.

Kiwi flesh/juice is powerful as a tenderiser, turning the most rubbery squid in to wonderful tender meat/mollusc/whatever.