Pineapples ..... Total fuckers.

[HoneyDragon]

They always manage to stab you when you carry home, no matter where in the bag you put them.

You waste loads, only 10% of the fuckers are officially edible.

They are messy.

You end up eating half of it before you finished chopping it up, on account they are gorgeous little bastards, so you never officially have enough, then get pineapple consumption guilt.

Pineapples, total fuckers.

Re mangoes there is a way of 'opening' them that means you don't have to cut them. Basically, you put one hand on the top and one hand on the bottom and twist. But there must be a knack to it because I have tried for gazillions of years to do it without success. Also, I guess you have to have big hands. They are lovely though, especially now when the ones from Asia come in (although no Alphonso mangoes this year - boo!).

There was an ancient Hawaii 5-0 episode where a murderer left no finger prints. He actually didn't have any because he picked pineapples and the juice had eaten off his finger prints. Pineapples assist murderers. Fact.

wow- that's an awesome answer- I knew MNers would know!
Thanks

And as for kiwi fruit - nothing more than a hairy bear's bollock filled with gritty green Studio Line hair gel.

They sabotage jellies too. I never lived it down in polite society.

My dd gets the bleeding lips/ cries after eating pineapple- but she bloody loves it! It's a once a month treat here, normally after dinner and then I slather her mouth in sudocrem before bed..
I don't mind preparing them, but I used to work in catering and one of my jobs was the fruit salad!!

Cats It works via some kind of voodoo as far as I can make out. You have to stand the mango on it's 'stalk end' for it to work. I love mine, DH scoffs but he's never had to cut up a mango.

As for avocados, cut in half long ways. one half will have the stone. To get the stone out, hit it hard with the knife, which will become impaled and you can just pull the stone out.

talx I love kiwis and I eat then with the skin on like you would an apple

Hairy bollock teeth?

The jelly thing - it's because the enzyme in pineapple - the one that fucks up your lips because it is digesting you - digests the protein in the gelatin.

Kiwis do the same thing. never put a kiwi in a jelly.

Not that you would want to.

Basically it's chemical warfare in a fruit.

OMG Talc I've just laughed til I coughed til I peed at that description of a kiwi fruit!

Yes Charm - bloody napalm or strychnine would probably hurt less.

I might try that instead. If it doesn't work, there will be nobody left to sneer.

The pineapple oojamaflips are bloody brilliant. Get one!

Never put a kiwi in a blender for a smoothie - or not the seeds anyway. Once blended they become a particular form of teeth-stripping, throat-peeling, mouth-scouring fruit fuckery.

I like the little chunklets of dried pineapple in tropical muesli. Now that is a form of the satanic fruit that does not fight back, although it may be around 98% sugar.

Ooh and those lovely flappy shards of dried mango, that resemble insoles from country brogues. Yum-chaa.

The pineapple thingies are great but mine jams the drawer it is in constantly. No matter which other items you have in the drawer with it, the bastard will manage to brace itself against in order to wedge the drawer half open/half closed till I have to lever it free with the bread knife. It will not be happy till it has a drawer to itself

There's not much to be said for exotic fruits, really, is there? I'm not fruitest - some of my best friends are kumquats - but there's nothing as good as a Cox's Orange Pippins.

Or Pippin singular, even.

I am unashamedly fruitist Hassled - I believe that some fruits were just born superior to others.

I worship at the temple of the raspberry, personally. A bowl picked wild in Scotland, with a puddle of cream, was the finest pudding I have ever consumed. And I have consumed quite a few.

Pineapples make your tongue sore & collapse jellies because of an enzyme they contain.

An old-fashioned treatment for seriously ill patients with dry, nasty, furry tongues is to give them a fresh pineapple chunk to suck - works wonders.

WitchWay - because It dissolves their tongues?

They are gorgeous.

I love pineapple (and now want a pineapple-excavator-thingy). But pomegranate, seriously, what is the point? Hours of ferreting with a spoon to get some tiny sacs of nondescript-tasting juice, protecting inedible seeds. Too much spitting out. Not enough food.

Just bought a pineapple today and so know it will end up in the bin because no-one including me will be assed to deal with it, as many before it

I can't stand the buggers anyway they put my teeth on edge ugh!

Not a fruit I know, but the wwf bout that went down in my kitchen, between me and an utter cunt of a butternut squash tonight, ensures I'll be buying the bastard frozen forever more.

Durians.... nightmare! But I loooovvvveeee them!