Pineapples ..... Total fuckers.

[HoneyDragon]

They always manage to stab you when you carry home, no matter where in the bag you put them.


You waste loads, only 10% of the fuckers are officially edible.

They are messy.

You end up eating half of it before you finished chopping it up, on account they are gorgeous little bastards, so you never officially have enough, then get pineapple consumption guilt.

Pineapples, total fuckers.

[Monty27]

I think I may have a 'row' with the pineapple tomorrow.

I will find a way, I will find a way.

[Bettercallsaul1]

So good to see a thread with a worthwhile topic - so many fruitless discussions on MN.

[CheshireDing]

Just to confirm what others have said, i have a pineapple thingy from Lakeland, it's amazing. I can peel a pineapple in one minute easily !
Well worth the money.
Magic Egg is fab too.

[kali110]

I read that pineapples can help heal mouth ulcers.
I love them but can't even attempt to peel!
Lychee i love them but hate the mess and the juice dripping down my arms!!

[WitchWay]

They dissolve the nasty coating on the tongue Bettercall

[pianodoodle]

I imagine people who buy pineapples would be the first to perish in a survival situation

They'd be the ones poking around at things that quite clearly don't want to be poked.

[Catsmamma]

i love pineapple....you have to look carefully, but the pokey eye divots that need digging out go around in a spiral and once you spot which way they go you can get loads out!

If we have pineapple, i make a caramel sauce....just melt caster sugar (no water) in a heavy pan over a high heat, no stirring, but you may shake the pan a little, once it is the right caramelly colour stand the pan in an inch of cold water to stop the heat, hurl in lots of double cream, it goes volcanically wild and clumpy, but back over a gentle heat and stir until smooth

either add the chunks to the sauce or just dip them in and scoff.

[SmiteYouWithThunderbolts]

Am I a freak? I don't actually like fresh pineapple but I love the tinned stuff.

I can't cut and peel mangoes. I've tried. It always goes wrong. I looked up videos online of how to do it properly but it Does. Not. Work.

Bastards.

Pomegranates though, they are my friend.

[grocklebox]

nope. I much prefer tinned pears to fresh as well. Like poached pears without all that faffing.
Tinned mango is really good too. The best way to eat a fresh one though is in the bath!

[HoneyDragon]

I am more pissed off with pineapples now I know they have their own merchandise. In Lakeland!

Total pretentious fucker pineapples.

[vrtra]

There is no pain like the delicate agony of holding a fresh pineapple chunk in your mouth.

I don't go near the fuckers unless they're tinned

[Koothrapanties]

Avacado tip - roll on the counter before you cut it in half as it loosens the skin and stone.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

I've giggled all the way through this thread, it's so funny.

I can't prepare a fresh mango, I just can't. I buy it in chunks, so much safer.

[extremepie]

To the poster who was fighting with butternut squash? Use a potato peeler, preferably one of those 'y' shaped ones. Trust me, I'm a chef, 'tis what we do :D

Massively cuts down wastage! You can potato peel kiwis too :D

[kalie]

CheshireDing and your magic egg.

Surely an Ann Summers purchase?

[Germgirl]

The 'getting a stone out if an avocado by whacking it with a big knife' trick works beautifully as long as you don't miss

[Zepherial]

I have just finished my degree so treating myself to some mumsnet time.

This thread is fab for the soul.

I love all the fruits mentioned and have many of the problems. What about physalis? Lovely fruit after you have spent ages taking the cute fucking paper shades off and scrubbing the insects and weird bit stuck to the sticky orange fruits........

Don't start on dragon fruit, utterly expensive and tasteless shit!

My tip a la squash, buy mini squash from Lidl, cut in half, pour over olive oil and roast - Yum
Us no faffing, do you hear me? NO FAFFING

Now someone tell me good things about pomegranates......

[5Foot5]

Coconuts.

Go on can one of you smart-alecs tell me how to handle that baby?

[ElephantMug]

5foot5, make a hole in one of the eyes of the coconut, drain coconut water into glass. (We use our corkscrew) Then wallop coconut with marble pestle all round its equator until the fucker starts to crack (I hold it in a tea towel so the crack doesn't bite my hand IYSWIM). Gouge out delicious flesh carefully with a knife. Eat in secret so you don't have to share with the children. Admittedly that's tricky as you have just been whacking a coconut with a pestle. Which they likely heard.

[ElephantMug]

You could use a stone or a hammer or something but that's what we have.

[motherofmonster]

have just come across this thread after once again looking at the pineapple that is (and has been for three days) sitting on the kitchen worktop, but really cant be bothered to hack at it for the next 30 mins.

Do it all the time, go to shop "Oohh pineapple going cheap" get it home after being stabbed in the leg a thousand times and then think i hate you, you prickly fecker while trying to clear up pineapple juice from everywhere.

[CornChips]

Elephant that reminds me of DH cracking walnuts at Christmas time using a mole wrench, as we could not find the nut cracker.

For the butternut squash-if it is hard to cut in half due to lack of substantial knives I tend to either put the knife in and bash the handle with a rolling pin so the knife goes through the bastardy fucker's flesh, or I throw it out the second floor window. That smashes them if you get the angle of your lob just right.

[Madamecastafiore]

Oooooohhhh am allergic to them, my tongue swells up and cracks and bleeds, as do my lips so I hate them, although love the flavour of them.

Not quite as bad am mangoes though, they are ickiest of fruit.

[extremepie]

Corn - seriously, use a potato peeler for butternut, much less dangerous and once the skin is off you can chop it like a potato :) Also invest in a decent knife :D

Also, to solve the pineapple pricking you in the leg on there way home, I've just discovered you can pull the top off! Just do that before putting in the bag to go home! Result!

Hit the avocado stone with a knife and it will come out easily, don't need much force to get the knife to stick but be careful! Wrap your hand in a tea towel first if you don't trust your aim - and use a spoon to get the flesh out, just run it around the skin, works a treat even though I hate avocado.

[bobbywash]

Love fresh pineapple

Was totally amazed to discover they don't grow on trees.