WIBU for dh to take a big pay cut and for us to claim more tax credits?

[balenciaga]

I was going to nc for this as I think I'm gona be told we are being v v U. But fuck it am on my phone and can't nc on it and CBA to put laptop on to do it

Anyway. Dh has a new job. It's 32k, on that, we get 48 a week tcs with 3 dc (believe it or not that's ok money where we are)

However dh hates his new job, it's stupidly long hours and very stressful with no sign of letting up. I know it sounds pathetic but he has been in tears over it. we have a new (ish) born baby as well and he's never bloody here. And when he is, he is a tired mess and no good to any of us. He has a contact that has offered him a job working for him but it's only 20k

However it's a huge drop. And we initially thought he can't possibly take it as we would be skint. But then we did a calculation on hmrc site and worked out that if he took the new job we could claim higher tcs which would take us up to around a similar income, a bit less but not much

New job dh could do with his eyes closed and it's much less hours and easier work. So he will have a better work life balance and not be making himself Poorly with stress

But the idea of claiming more tcs doesn't sit right with me, and I also worry that soon they'll be put a stop to anyway

So I'm putting this to the mn jury...ps: fwiw I will be going back to work in a few months so we would not claim them long term

[PrincessBabyCat]

We have a similar situation that's a bit odd. We calculated childcare costs to see how much extra I'd be bringing in. I could work full time and only bring home a bit extra, or I could do some freelance and bring home the same amount. Working from home makes our total income less so we can get some benefits, if I worked full time we'd actually be losing money since we'd lose help due to total income being too much and then have to pay for everything. It's a bit odd how that's set up.

So, I can't fault you for it.

I'll still be looking for a higher paying job in a year though. SAHM isn't really my thing, but I don't want to put her in daycare while DD's so little.

[TheWordFactory]

OP, I'd be shocked if TCs make it thorugh the next parliament in their current form.

Will you be okay, if they're radically reduced?

[Fideliney]

They'll be a dual income household again by then TheWord so not getting much if any TCs anyway.

[TKKW]

Its so hard when work is grinding you down and zapping all your verve/energy so I totally understand.

Be grateful to those who pay loads of tax for your family to be able to claim tax credits and I dont mean that in a shitty way.

[DamnBamboo]

YABVVVU.

Unbelievable. How about some personal integrity here... that's the motivation continue to work and progress through your career. Not relying on the state, when actually you don't have to.

How about we talk about your DH generally. How does he manage stress? Has he spoken to his employer? How are you supporting him?

All these people saying he'll get sick! Says who? What would you do if there was no option to stop and get similar money. You'd just have to get on with it wouldn't you. Well do that now!

This kind of playing the system is appalling!

[DamnBamboo]

I can't believe the number of people on here saying it's ok.

To just work less, pay less tax because you can and then take more from the state also because you can.

Stupid rules admittedly, but abusing them at this end of the income scale, is no worse then abusing them at the higher end!

Why should the state pay for you when you have a job that already pays?? Please answer me that?

[Fideliney]

I can't believe the number of people who are ignoring this bit

fwiw I will be going back to work in a few months so we would not claim them long term

[Timeforabiscuit]

Easy - because they tax too much and tax credits are the leveller to make sure the population doesn't riot, or has the cost of living crisis just passed you by?

If £20,000 was a living wage this wouldn't be necessary.

[DamnBamboo]

The system seems strange. But in this case i don't think the taxpayer is worse off if your dh takes the new job, is it? You will get more tcs, but Mrs Hypothetical will take his job and get a pay rise, so she will get correspondingly less tcs. Obviously it's more complicated than that, because we don't know ifMrs Hypothetical has three children and therefore she may be claiming less in tcs anyway. but in this case i don't think the effect is necessarily to increase the overall cost to the taxpayer

If this is how most people understand the economy to work, we are in real trouble! No such thing as a general increase in productivity, or more jobs then?

[DamnBamboo]

I can't believe the number of people who are ignoring this bit

fwiw I will be going back to work in a few months so we would not claim them long term

So why bother then? And easier said than done to hand something back because you think you might go back! Why wouldn't this same rationale be used then.

[LadyNexus]

Christ how do you get tax credits to top you up that much!

Dp earns 10k, I'm a student,

We get about 3k tax credits a year?

[DamnBamboo]

And people wonder why people receiving benefits/credits get a bad rap.

FWIW - I am a staunch supporter of providing support to those who need it!

OPs husband is finding his job a little stressful... like millions of other people then.

[BobPatandIgglePiggle]

damn should he be stressed to hell in his current job so we can get extra tax out of him? It'll cost us more when the poor man has a breakdown over it so it's best all round if he gets out whilst another job (which aren't easy to find these days) is on the cards.

Op - yanbu but your family will need to make cuts so that you can survive if and when tax credits change.

[balenciaga]

Damnbamboo I'm at my wits end here and battling with what to do and it's not fair it's being implied we are intending to play the system. As I said dhs potential new job is full time it's not like he's dropping to part time to claim more money. Let me just say that again: He would be FULL TIME. We are damn hard working people, dh has worked his arse off in physical jobs since he was 16 and I have always worked since leaving school other than for short times when I've had my babies I don't like the implication we are scroungers. but tbh I kind of expected this attitude (and more of it) by posting this thread so I'm grateful tbh there's not been too many unkind posts. Tbh mentally I'm pretty on the edge ATM and prob shouldn't have even posted on here.

Just want to say though It's not our fault that the cost of living is so silly that govt has had to prop it (and shit wages) up with benefits. Millions of full time working people have to claim them, are they all workshy scroungers? No it's just we can't all earn 60k. far from it. so some of us do need top ups.

Anyway thanks for all the posts, I have taken all comments on board. Dh and I are going to have a good chat about it all later when dc are in bed. He's just rang to say he's on his way home now...

[BobPatandIgglePiggle]

OPs husband is finding his job a little stressful... like millions of other people then

I've cried more tears than I like to admit over work this year - doesn't mean I wish it on anyone else. If we were in position to do the same at the moment I would in a heartbeat.

[DamnBamboo]

Has anybody other than OP in her non-clinical, subjective opinion, assessed his stress?
I think before we make sweeping judgements about his mental health, more info about the whole situation is required.
What amazes me are the number of people who see no issue with this and say 'go on then, why not'

The system needs changing!

[DamnBamboo]

damn should he be stressed to hell in his current job so we can get extra tax out of him?

No. Emphatically no. But resigning without trying to deal with it in the usual fashion, speaking with manager, HR, employment support, GP etc. is unacceptable.

[WooWooOwl]

If you're seriously considering taking benefits when you earn enough not to need them at the moment, then of course you're playing the system.

At least be honest with yourself.

You're right that some people need top ups, but you don't. You have enough income. Many people wouldn't need top ups if they only had the number of children they could actually afford.

If you're going back to work soon, your DH should stick out the job he dislikes until then. You chose to have three children, that was always going to be expensive, whether or not the cost of living went up to a ridiculous level. Choices have consequences. When you are both earning you will have better options.

[Gen35]

Unacceptable to who? Are you in charge? Whatever you think about tax credits, op is looking for support and insight, not negative judgments. People can only do what they can do and not everyone wants to make a fuss via HR which often does no good in any case.

[DamnBamboo]

It doesn't matter if he will be workin full-time.
You will be choosing to claim state money because he doesn't like his job.
You will also be paying less tax.

[DamnBamboo]

No gen she's come onto AIBU and put it to the MN jury (her words)

And several of us think she is.

Live with it.

[BobPatandIgglePiggle]

Tbh I think it takes a bigger man to say 'I can't do this, I need to do something else'

Should he battle on and risk his mental health? The man has been in tears already

Go to HR and admit he's struggling? Our HR would give extra targets to meet / watch you closely but offer no real support

Go to the gp (who doesn't know him like his wife / see him at his worst) to get an official 'diagnosis of stress'? Oh and he's working all hours - when should he go??

[DamnBamboo]

Gen HR can be shit. HR can be fab. It's about making sure you've tried your best and not just taken the easy way out, which this crappy system allows you do to.

If he gets so ill with stress, then working at all should be reviewed?