WIBU for dh to take a big pay cut and for us to claim more tax credits?

[balenciaga]

I was going to nc for this as I think I'm gona be told we are being v v U. But fuck it am on my phone and can't nc on it and CBA to put laptop on to do it

Anyway. Dh has a new job. It's 32k, on that, we get 48 a week tcs with 3 dc (believe it or not that's ok money where we are)

However dh hates his new job, it's stupidly long hours and very stressful with no sign of letting up. I know it sounds pathetic but he has been in tears over it. we have a new (ish) born baby as well and he's never bloody here. And when he is, he is a tired mess and no good to any of us. He has a contact that has offered him a job working for him but it's only 20k

However it's a huge drop. And we initially thought he can't possibly take it as we would be skint. But then we did a calculation on hmrc site and worked out that if he took the new job we could claim higher tcs which would take us up to around a similar income, a bit less but not much

New job dh could do with his eyes closed and it's much less hours and easier work. So he will have a better work life balance and not be making himself Poorly with stress

But the idea of claiming more tcs doesn't sit right with me, and I also worry that soon they'll be put a stop to anyway

So I'm putting this to the mn jury...ps: fwiw I will be going back to work in a few months so we would not claim them long term

what would happen if everyone on £32k with 3 kids worked out they could maintain their income by doing a £20k job because the state will step in?
Not really a valid argument, it's not going to happen.

Not really a valid argument, it's not going to happen.

No, because most people's morals/ work ethic/ integrity wouldn't allow it to but it is theoretically possible and would cripple the country which is why it should be a last resort in this situation.

YouAre - I'm not willing to engage you in a debate about what is or isn't morally wrong.

But in that example bedraggled your husband wouldn't cost the state any more in benefits and the loss of tax revenue from his higher paid job would be replaced by the revenue from the person taking over from him

Bear how do you know in this example the vacated job wouldn't go to an unemployed or underemployed person thereby saving the state money?

It all evens out in the end. Unfortunately average earnings are now a huge struggle to live on.

If we want to go back to a pre Tax Credit situation, we need to shrink the EU back down to its previous size to prevent the over supply of labour.

So sorry you are feeling so low balenciaga and your CH is having such a rough time at work. I think you are having difficulty seeing the wood for the trees which, under your current pressures, is only to be expected.

I think (for what it is worth) you need to think/talk about or action the following:
I don't think it is in DH's or your familys lomg term interest for him to take the 20k per annum job - It would be a retrograde step for him and TBH his hours do not seem excessive. Who is to say the 20k job would not be stressful too? If you could manage finacially without state help then you may have more of an arguement to take it but as you have said so yourself the future of Tax credits are not secure.

What specifically is causing DH stress at work?, He then needs to approach his line manager to discuss this and try and find a solution to the issue.

How can yiou support DH more? (I am not saying you are not by the way). You are a team and you have to pull together.

Good luck - and hope things improve for DH

Unfortunately average earnings are now a huge struggle to live on

They were in the 1970's, 1980's 1990's too - Av Mortgage rates at between 10 to 12%

We had the "Good times" from the late 90's onwards and people have lost touch with reality

Bear how do you know in this example the vacated job wouldn't go to an unemployed or underemployed person thereby saving the state money?

Because in the example bedraggled gave the vacated job brought in an additional £30k a year just in tax- that's not the kind of job someone currently on benefits is going to walk into

When I was made redundant and I was single, I could have claimed income support. I didn't, I lived off my savings then claimed when that ran out.

When we first decided I'd not get a job again after being made redundant (MIL was seriously ill so I was needed) and then subsequently fell pregnant and decided to be a SAHM, we could have qualified for benefits but chose not to because it was our choice.

For us, it's a matter of pride. If we needed to claim then we'd do so.

Go for it. They are tax credits not hand outs. On a separate point my dh earns 28k and we aren't entitled to anything. I'm a sahm. Is it because we only have one?

Yes Vichill. The cut off point for child tax credits with one child is £26k. It goes up with each subsequent child.

Yes vichill it is

and I disgaree - they are hand outs

Because in the example bedraggled gave the vacated job brought in an additional £30k a year just in tax- that's not the kind of job someone currently on benefits is going to walk into

Sorry bear I wasn't clear, I meant the example in the OP.

And actually I disagree, it is quite possible that someone working in a £60k job coud lose it and not have much of a savings cushion (e.g. post divorce or some other life event) and have to claim benefits while they job search.

Yes absolutely, it takes a long time for income to translate into wealth, many high earners like my parents ended up on their uppers in the 90s recession. Everyone needs the safety net.

Op I hope you and dh are Ok today.

I agree with Chunders in that I think really this one now is down to seeking support from a health perspective and working out manageable stress levels for you both.

I am guessing from experience there may be more to this in your defence which you really definitely don't have to bare all here if you don't want to, to justify whatever decision you make.

I wish we had a more individualised system where we could trust that benefits are only given where necessary, to avoid this apparent need to be publicly torn apart before getting the support you need.

I totally agree with your last paragraph fideliney but that's not the situation here- the OP's DH potentially has other options which he hasn't explored.

Re the OP's DH's role (if he left) being filled by someone un/ under employed- I'd still argue that no one walks into a fairly high paid job like that after being on long term benefits.

In addition, the DH taking the £20k job is very likely to mean someone un/ under employed has to continue to rely on benefits as they don't have the option of applying for the £32k job and the vacancy for the £20k job has been filled.

They're not handouts. We pay taxes to cover them. State Education is not regarded as a handout, nor is the nhs.

Only issue I have with it is that he who pays the piper calls the tune, and would never want to rely on benefits voluntarily. It makes you very vulnerable.

Take it. Raising three children is a BIG job and its for the future of our country.

We need healthy happy mums and dads to bring up children.

Tax credits recognise that contribution.

I am a tax payer and rather you and DH had some help than some banking greed merchant on big bonus.

I'd happily not pay taxes and fund my own healthcare and education costs but that's not an option.

State education and access to the NHS is not the same thing- my taxes have paid for my access to these things and the cost of the private alternative is prohibitive to me and most people.

The whole issue with this thread is that the DH would be choosing to supplement his income with state handouts when he potentially has alternatives.

If you have no choice then support is available but it should be a last resort not a lifestyle choice.

Yeah I'm still here and reading lol

Dh and I had a major talk last night and he is going to try his best to stick at it before he even speaks to his boss because it won't look good if he implies anywhere near how he has been feeling. I know what his company are like as he's worked there years. it's a very male dominated industry and this kind of thing would be seen as very weak and he'd more than likely end up with a bit of fake sympathy and "help" but eventually end up managed out. And if people think that wouldn't happen they are deluded. Thousands of people would happily take the shit dh gets in his job and his bosses bloody well know it.

I have to say one thing I am surprised at are some posters suggesting 15 hour days, being harassed on your "day off" and a grown man crying is a normal part of a 30 odd k a year job?

Coming back to me, i do feel a massive huge failure in life and I do feel I've let and am letting my dc down. we should be earning more, we shouldn't rely on any kind of handouts. we should be financially comfortable, we should own our own house, we should just generally be way, way more sorted at our ages Fgs we are not 22 anymore. (And believe it or not it would give me great pleasure to ring tax office and say sign us off, we earn too much)

I need to go back to work I think sooner rather than later and I will feel like I'm taking back some kind of control. And then maybe we can have at least some of these things before it's too late (although prob is too late to buy a house now as dh is the age he is)

I do think it's shit though that to have any sort of standard of living and just be normal that both parents have to work. My mum was a sahm sometimes did a bit of part time work and my dad had a middle of the range but really quite menial job. We had a house my parents owned that's prob worth about 300k now. And now They own 2 houses! They are always on holiday and are nearing retirement and are loaded. no wonder they think bad of dh and I. Esp when my relatives (ie cousins, siblings) of similar age are all massively successful and here I am skint in a rented council house with several kids by different men on my second marriage, not very bright, and with no prospects.

Anyway I'm rambling on and on but Just want to thank again the lovely posters who have been really kind

OP, can't your DH look for other jobs instead of feeling he has to stick this one out, knowing it's unlikely to get better?

Wow balenciaga that is an awful lot of 'should' give yourself a break!

You might want to buy your parents a book about the economic trends of the last 30 years and tell them to give your DH a break too.

Some people who bought their houses 15 years plus ago (apparently including some on this thread) really don't understand their own luck.

I'd happily not pay taxes and fund my own healthcare and education costs but that's not an option.
Which would mean that people like my dd would miss out. It would mean bringing back the workhouse. Really?

Which would mean that people like my dd would miss out. It would mean bringing back the workhouse. Really?

Which is why it's not an option.

I was making the point that people can't argue that if you use the NHS or state education it's the same as claiming TC's which you don't actually need to.

But the whole point is that they are needed because we don't pay a decent wage. And in this particular case, it would probably save the public purse more in the longterm, which as been pointed out, ad nauseam