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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go to wedding without ds

446 replies

BettyBoo246 · 03/06/2014 10:27

My dh is best man at his friends wedding in 3 weeks time. We have a 8 mo ds. He has just spoken to his bf (groom) who has now said there is no child/baby policy at the ceremony.
This is obviously their choice - I have said therefore if my ds is not invited then I will not be attending. My dh now thinks I'm being mardy and bitter! Yes it has upset me that they have only just told us this rule after a year and that they think I can't control my ds, but I do understand it's their big day.
My dmil is already looking after ds when it's the meal/speeches etc and then for part of the night do etc so I don't really want to put on her anymore. Aibu to say if my ds is not coming neither am I?

OP posts:
NickiFury · 03/06/2014 12:42

OP I wouldn't go either. Weddings have little meaning to me and quite frankly bore the arse off me. I would be glad to have an excuse not to go.

I also don't understand child free weddings, if you must see marriage as a reason to celebrate, why are you excluding important members of your family? Makes no sense to me and I would judge someone who made a big deal out of insisting on a child free wedding. Yes I understand about fancy meals and costs but there are ways round that.

Bearbehind · 03/06/2014 12:42

everyone else is just piling in saying the same thing over and over.

On that basis every thread on here should be a maximum of 3 posts long

OP
I agree
I disagree

End of discussion Hmm

ILoveCoreyHaim · 03/06/2014 12:42

If the above doesn't work out then take him home and leave DH at the ceremony

ThinkFirst · 03/06/2014 12:43

You want to leave early, your DH wants to stay late. Compromise isn't you making your DH leave early with you, or your DH making you stay late with him. Compromise would be you leaving early and your DH staying later, that way you both get what you want. Why is it so important that you are joined at the hip and leave at the same time?

expatinscotland · 03/06/2014 12:43

People on MN consider weddings sacrosanct, when in real life, other than immediate family, no one really gives a fuck you're getting married.

Original poster
BettyBoo246 · 03/06/2014 12:45

He doesn't wake for a feed or anything it's just teething but it can b exhausting the next day if you are not already use to be sleep deprived. I just worry too much that it will be too much for her! My dh is going a music festival the weekend after and has asked mil without me knowing if she will have ds for that which she of course has said yes to! I'm at a friends baby shower that evening and was leaving ds with dh but now he's going to that so mil will have him again that evening!

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 03/06/2014 12:46

Why should this couple's wedding ceremony be potentially disturbed by a baby. It's not about you or your baby it's about the couple getting married. TBH just stay at home if you are stressing about it.

ElizaDolittle2 · 03/06/2014 12:48

I also don't understand child free weddings, if you must see marriage as a reason to celebrate, why are you excluding important members of your family? Makes no sense to me and I would judge someone who made a big deal out of insisting on a child free wedding. Yes I understand about fancy meals and costs but there are ways round that.

Because it is the b&g choice. They can make that decision if they want to.

I would judge someone who brought a child to a weeding that screamed so loudly through the service that people couldn't hear the vows.

expatinscotland · 03/06/2014 12:48

It is a party, just another party. All this 'best man' being akin to being a sacrament is ridiculous.

It's just so done to utter a few lines of garbage before drinking. BFD.

They changed the rules and made it childfree.

I wouldn't want to leave my baby that age overnight just for someone's party. So say no.

ElizaDolittle2 · 03/06/2014 12:48

Wedding not weeding

ILoveCoreyHaim · 03/06/2014 12:50

Are you resenting the fact he can go to the stag and you can't go to the hen because you can't just up and go if you want to And have to think about sorting your ds out. Obviously you are NBU if this is the case, it would piss me off as well. Because of this you are understandably pissed off again that he gets to stay and the reception but you have to leave. I think this is what the problem is. He can just drop everything and go off where as you can't. The problem is he is best man. If he wasn't I would say YANBU (apart from the taking son to ceremony in suit bit ). Because he's best man I think on this occasion you will have to let him stay BUT you need to talk to him about just leaving you to go off whilst you can't do the same.

TwinkleTwinkleStarlight · 03/06/2014 12:50

They changed the rules and made it childfree.

I haven't seen anywhere that they have changed the rules.

I really can't see that such a big deal is being made of this. It is one day plus no one has even asked the most pivitol person in this the MIL!

Needaninsight · 03/06/2014 12:50

I don't get at all why you're not jumping up and down at the prospect of a child free afternoon???! Bizarre! Grin

NeedsAsockamnesty · 03/06/2014 12:51

I always thought there were laws about prohibiting entry for anyone for the actual ceremony.

Something about not forbidding witness.

In theory random strangers could just rock on up and attend your wedding ceremony not the fun stuff after just the service

Bearbehind · 03/06/2014 12:52

expat why are you always so down on any type of party invitation? Do you never accept any invitation on principle?

In this instance the B&G have made it clear children are welcome in the evening but not before- that's their choice and hardly too much to ask.

The OP is trying to get her husband to leave early when it is completely unnecessary and especially rude as he is the best man- that's the problem here- it's nothing to do with the wedding itself really.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 03/06/2014 12:52

OP i dont think this is about the wedding really.

If your dh wasnt out all of the time with his friends, drinking, music festivals, etc, I think you wouldnt bat an eyelid leaving him at the reception and taking ds home.

But its not the case, is it?

I do understand a bit more where you are coming from-honestly I think you need to take the wedding out of the equation and deal with the issue, I think it will build more and more resentment the longer it goes on.

expatinscotland · 03/06/2014 12:55

It says in the OP that the groom 'now said' it's childfree.

I'd see this A&E a great excuse to stay home.

I find overnight/abroad stag/he do's and all these silly production-style weddings stupid, self-absorbed crap.

expatinscotland · 03/06/2014 12:56

Because a party is about the guests as much as the host.

I go to loads of piss-ups.

NickiFury · 03/06/2014 12:57

I agree entirely with expat. I am totally Hmm at why we are all supposed to get so in to other people's choices and inconvenience ourselves greatly for them. I would never demand or expect this.

OP your DH sounds really selfish and I am not surprised you don't wish to accommodate him and his wishes. I wouldn't either.

Thurlow · 03/06/2014 12:58

It's amazing how many AIBU threads quickly morph into a very different problem.

OP, the issue here isn't so much the wedding as your DH.

He sounds like the one who doesn't want to change his lifestyle at all because he has a child.

He is best man and so overall I would say that for this wedding then in your situation, I would compromise and leave him there and go and get DS.

But I'd expect some serious time off or night out in return with him doing sole care because it sounds as though you are missing a good friend's wedding too.

If he's the one making decisions that don't factor in who is going to look after your DS, he is the problem.

Bearbehind · 03/06/2014 12:58

It says in the OP that the groom 'now said' it's childfree.

They never told the OP children were invited all day- her child wasn't even born when it was initially discussed.

As far as I can make out her son was never invited until the evening- the rules haven't changed it's just they're not what the OP wanted.

TwinkleTwinkleStarlight · 03/06/2014 12:59

*It says in the OP that the groom 'now said' it's childfree.

I'd see this A&E a great excuse to stay home.

I find overnight/abroad stag/he do's and all these silly production-style weddings stupid, self-absorbed crap.*

The OP however says that there was noth

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 03/06/2014 12:59

why are you excluding important members of your family

No-one is excluding family members. The DH is a friend.

OP the issue of your DH going out constantly is completely separate.

TwinkleTwinkleStarlight · 03/06/2014 12:59

Nothing in the invitation that says they are invited.

expatinscotland · 03/06/2014 13:01

Then she assumed. But they 'now say' it's childfree. Fair enough, so don't go.

The husband sounds like he cares more about his friends than his family.