To not want to go to wedding without ds

[BettyBoo246]

My dh is best man at his friends wedding in 3 weeks time. We have a 8 mo ds. He has just spoken to his bf (groom) who has now said there is no child/baby policy at the ceremony.
This is obviously their choice - I have said therefore if my ds is not invited then I will not be attending. My dh now thinks I'm being mardy and bitter! Yes it has upset me that they have only just told us this rule after a year and that they think I can't control my ds, but I do understand it's their big day.
My dmil is already looking after ds when it's the meal/speeches etc and then for part of the night do etc so I don't really want to put on her anymore. Aibu to say if my ds is not coming neither am I?

but OP the second option-coming for the evening with ds and having MIL take him home sounds like a fair compromise, why is your dh not happy with that?

it is not a fact that women worry more than men about their DC - that's just your take on your situation (which from what you've written sounds fair enough).

The fact that your DH is gadding about rather more than you would like him to generally speaking has nothing to do with this wedding - sort that one out separately (are you going to? Or are you just going to put up with it?).

DH is the best man. He gets to stay as long as he/the groom would like him too. You can too, if you like. If you don't like, the go home early and pick him up. But please do not make DH leave early, that is so selfish of you in this instance.

It's nice that you're concerned about your MIL but she sounds pretty sprightly, and she's an adult, so unless there are real health concerns (also, is there a FIL on the scene helping out?) just ask her if she could do this as a one-off, or ask another family member. But don't use this as an excuse to get your own way.

Well I wouldn't have left any of my 8 month old babies with someone else for a day and a night just to go to a wedding. I was BF but it's not just that, I just wouldn't have wanted to leave them full stop. So it's a YANBU from me.

Likewise lteevedallas, what makes your opinion so much better than everyone else's

Its not, and I've never said it was Bearbehind, I just don't feel the need to be a bitch about it. It's unnecessary.

Thing is, although you are both invited you each have very different roles in this wedding. You are just a guest, your DH is the best man. He has a role in the wedding party, you do not. He has commitments to the groom and expecting him to leave early because you don't want to leave your DS for that amount of time is unreasonable.

It's a wedding, a one-off occasion, either ask your MIL to have your DS longer or stay away. Do not turn up, hang around outside the ceremony and expect your DS to be in the photos, and don't take your MIL to the reception with your DS either unless she has an invite too.

Yes that is a lot for MIL if he still wakes in the night. Is there no other family, siblings who would be willing to keep him on the evening and MIL has him for ceremony.

I have taken mine to a few weddings for the evening do and tbh by the time people have cooed over then and they have had a play they have flaked out in the pram even with music and noise. Why not try him, If he starts playing up you can just leave or take him to MILs while you go back for an hr with DH.

oh i missed that bit. IS your MIL invited to the evening part?

I wouldn't have wanted to leave my 8 month babies for a day and night either (not that there was anyone who could have taken them anyway)

But it's not that the op didn't want to leave her baby overnight, she was happy to leave him from 3p.m to the next day, but not from 11a.m because she thinks it's asking too much of her mil, who seems to be quite happy to take the baby.

I don't think the B&G will be friends with you for much longer if you pull a stunt like this. Are you seriously expecting your DH, as the best man to leave early because you are having a hissy fit?

Ds isn't mobile now! This has nothing to do with the wedding! My mil has had ds since I started back work about two months ago and we all discusses when he is mobile we will put him in nursery because it's a lot to run around after a toddler all day at that age, I understand that hence why we will be putting him in nursery in possibly 3 months time!

bearbehind lovely language! Really is no need for that your mother never teach you how to get a point across without lowering yourself to use such disgusting words.
FYI no I would EXPECT anyone to have my ds all day and night just so I could go out and party. I would feel the same if I were bridesmaid. And yes I do actually want to go I have been looking forward to it

Stand your ground. Don't go. End of. It's someone's poxy wedding, not a court summons. Fuck em.

ltevedallas The OP asked if she was BU- the very vast majority of people think that she is but she continues to stand her ground and add in more feeble excuses.

If she had no intention of listening to others views/ opinions then why bother posting?

People have RTFT, they aren't just wading in based on the
OP, they are commenting on the OP's updates- what's wrong with that?

Yes some of the language might be harsh but if she had no intention of changing her views- what does it matter?

You are bitching about the husband! calling him a dick etc (with very little evidence), why is that necessary?

But its not a party op, it's your dh best mates wedding which is totally different to a piss up.

Yes mil is invited but she barely knows them so is happy to go or not to go. I really do not have anyone else I could ask unfortunately.

You are being extremely unreasonable.

I am not a big fan of child-free weddings, but I am the kind of person who had a very ordinary, tiny registry office do with no trimmings. I can see how someone who has spent thousands getting everything perfect would not want a child screaming or running around all the way through the vows. It's the couple's right to decide these things.

The answer is really simple: either find someone to look after your child for the duration of the ceremony (an hour, max?) or go outside the church and play with your DS while the wedding is on, then join in afterwards. It's not that hard. Don't do what you are doing, which is to use this whole situation as a power play in a running battle with your DH. You're better than that.

bearbehind lovely language! Really is no need for that your mother never teach you how to get a point across without lowering yourself to use such disgusting words

I used the word twat, not multiple words and I do think it is required to emphasise how unreasonable you are being.

What do you want from this thread?

You think you are right, most people disagree- what are you going to do differently?

Nothing I suspect.

I would leave him with MIL, go to ceremony. Let him have a good afternoon nap then take him to the evening do. There will be so much going on he will probably enjoy it and being made a fuss of. Take MIL and DS to evening do if they have an invite. When he gets tired take him somewhere quiet and push him in pram till he drops off them push him back in and Sit on a table in a quieter park of the room. This has always worked for me and they have stayed asleep.

You are bitching about the husband! calling him a dick etc (with very little evidence), why is that necessary?

He's not here, he's not reading it. I am ONE person saying that (as you have pointed out) and not 100. My POV seems to be a lone point, whereas everyone else is just piling in saying the same thing over and over. You think her "excuses are feeble", I think she is simply trying to explain herself.

DH is sulking with OP, so I think he's a dick. He is kicking off about not having yet another night on the piss (after having 7 nights on the piss the previous week), OP has offered a couple of alternatives but he wants it HIS way, so yep, he's a dick in my eyes.

I am listening to other peoples views but slating me and judging me is uncalled for. I have took onboard the waiting outside the church with ds is somewhat a stupid idea in hindsight. I'm not going on my close friends the brides hen week in Spain as it's the same week as dh's stag week, I wouldn't have anyway because I couldn't leave ds for that long, but still I have compromised, I'm asking aibu to expect him to compromise? It's the night bit there are no further duties of the best man needed there!

Bearbehind I've just said I've realised taking him for walk during the ceremony now sounds stupid!!! I'm not saying I'm right everyone's wrong, ppl are saying why can't you do this that and the other and I'm simply explaining why!

Men do not have conscience when it comes to how long ds/dd is left for and who with and if we are taking advantage! As long as they get to let their hair down they pretty much don't care

You lost me at this I'm afraid.

Any you're making it into a much bigger deal than it has to be. If your MIL already looks after your DS then she will be fairly practiced at it, a few more hours won't make any difference.

68 is not old / frail.

Dressing an 8 month old in a fancy suit is ridiculous.

If you don't want to leave your lovely son for that long, just say so. It's fine to feel that way, it's normal and natural and no one should criticise you for it. But don't make excuses for it.

If the above doesn't work out then take him home and leave DH at the ceremony. He is best man and you really shouldn't ask the best man to leave early. It's a one off and the wedding has nothing to do with separate night outs he's Is having. It's not fair on the B&G to make their best man leave and if you are you really should tell them so they can make changes if they have to. Look at the bigger picture, it's their one off wedding day, do you really want to be remembered as her who spoiled the wedding because when wouldn't take her son home without her DH. It really sounds like you resent the fact he can stay and you have to leave with son if needed which is fair enough but that's not the B&Gs fault is it.

I'm asking aibu to expect him to compromise?

Yes because it is an unnecessary compromise and you chose not to go on the hen week- you can use not attending something you had no intention of going on as an excuse and reason why your husband should do what suits you now.

What exactly will going home early achieve? Your son will be asleep.

If it bothers you that much why can't you be at mil's house at his wake up time in the morning?

Any = and