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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to want to see DS's student digs bills before paying them?

106 replies

Eleanor02 · 01/06/2014 19:46

DS, final year uni, has rung to (once again) ask me to help him out with household bills. Two of them in a flat and other other student organised all the utilities etc and all the bills are therefore in his name. Advised DS at the time that they should work together on this.

Latest bill is BT. DS says that for for two recent months, flatmate wants £50 from him which would make it, if the flatmate is being straight with him, £100 between them. Then there's the issue of 3 months when the lads have left but the contract goes on. I have no idea what kind of contract they're on (neither has DS) or what their average monthly bill is. DS doesn't use the phone much - has a mobile. Really, they have the package for the internet (so clearly didn't need to bother with a home phone). All I know is that my household BT bill is pretty modest in comparison ..

AIBU is insisting that DS sees these bills for himself before phoning me again to ask for the dosh? Our household income is modest and it's been very difficult keeping up with DS' requests for money when I haven't seen any of the bills in questions.

And as for the remaining months (what possessed them to enter into an arrangement like this?), DS wants the money from me to give his flatmate who'll be responsible for those final bills but without knowing what contract they are on and what might possibly be done to mitigate things as far as BT is concerned, I'm reluctant to fork out - again.

Any thoughts really, really welcome.

OP posts:
EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 01/06/2014 19:48

Why doesn't he have a job to pay his own bills?

HighwayDragon · 01/06/2014 19:48

why are you giving money for bills to an at least 21 year old adult?

browneyedgirl86 · 01/06/2014 19:50

I have to agree, why are you paying his bills?

BrendaJones · 01/06/2014 19:51

It's time he stood on his own two feet

Longtalljosie · 01/06/2014 19:53

Because she is. My parents did. Some parents do. It hasn't turned me into a crack dealer.

YANBU. £50 is a suspiciously round number.

StrawberryCheese · 01/06/2014 19:53

He needs to see the bills and you shouldn't be the one paying. I had a flatmate who had all the bills in her name (she had been living their a year before me). I gave her money each month, as did other flatmate, until one day the bailiffs turned up. She had been pocketing our money and not paying anything. I took myself straight to CItizens Advice but it took ages to sort it out. Lesson learned.

BarbarianMum · 01/06/2014 19:53

I think you should tell ds to deal with it. That at least should motivate him to investigate what it is he is paying for (sounds very expensive).

isitsnowingyet · 01/06/2014 19:54

Am I missing something on this thread? Do all people at Uni pay their own bills for everything? ie does every student manage to get a job to support themselves while being a full-time student?

To the OP - no YANBU to want to see a copy of the bill.

poorbuthappy · 01/06/2014 19:55

My parents didn't ask for bills when I was at college.
But I didn't take the piss but rounded up also Grin.
You have to find the balance!!

peggyundercrackers · 01/06/2014 19:55

Most utility companies will make you sign a contract for a min. Of 12 months. A work colleague of mine had the same issue with a different phone provider in that her dd was only in a shared flat for 9 months but they couldn't get a contract for under 12 months. They ceased the contract after 9 months and paid the outstanding rental so no one could use the phone after they split up for summer, they were worried that if she went home and someone else used the phone they would have to cough up more money to cover it which they weren't prepared to do.

mrsmalcolmreynolds · 01/06/2014 19:56

Personally I don't think it's unreasonable for essential household bills to be met from whatever allowance or other funding your DS has - IMO if you can afford to support him at uni then utilities are something I would expct to be included in that support. Contrast with beer money which any student should definitely be working for.

However I personally would have agreed a monthly allowance at the beginning of the year and then it is up to him to ensure that he can meet his bills from that. If he can't make his allowance stretch because they got too expensive a deal, then he has to work to make good the difference.

That's for the future though - as far as the immediate bill is concerned YANBU to require sight of it. But I would change your arrangements for the future too.

poorbuthappy · 01/06/2014 19:56

I also wondered if I was missing something.
Many students are still subsidised.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 01/06/2014 19:58

You shouldn't be paying his bills for him. Fair enough pay him through uni but give him an allowance and make him sort his own stuff out.

karalime · 01/06/2014 20:04

£50 for two months is a lot. I've just finished uni and last year we had Virgin Media, TV and broadband and it was only about £9 each per month between 4 people. There is no need for any student to have a landline...

Trills · 01/06/2014 20:06

Fair enough pay him through uni but give him an allowance and make him sort his own stuff out.

I agree with ItsAll and mrsmal

whois · 01/06/2014 20:08

Yeah it would be good to actually see the bills.

People on MN are so fucking mean - why should she help pay for bills if she likes? My parents paid for my uni house and bills and I'll pay for my children if I can afford it. I worked during my gap year, the summer holidays but not during Xmas, Easter or term time. Plenty of time to work full time now!

AElfgifu · 01/06/2014 20:09

I don't understand the posters saying you shouldn't be paying his bills for him, surely if he is a student, you are paying his maintenance.

I don't know whether you should be paying this amount or not, it depends on the arrangement you have with DS. Does he have a set amount that he has already finished? Does he just ask you for what he needs? Is he making an effort to fund himself at least partly through holiday jobs?

YANBU to ask for clarification of the bills. It doesn't sound excessive, or that the contract is unreasonable, but he certainly should be mature enough to know the legal details himself! ( not that I always do)

Smartiepants79 · 01/06/2014 20:09

You are being completely reasonable in expecting to see the bills before paying!
That sounds a lot for Internet access!

TucsonGirl · 01/06/2014 20:11

He is 21! Why is he asking you to pay his bills? If he asked you for a LOAN so he could pay his bills, that would be one thing. Stop treating him like a child, he has been an adult for three years!

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 01/06/2014 20:12

Am I missing something on this thread? Do all people at Uni pay their own bills for everything? ie does every student manage to get a job to support themselves while being a full-time student?

They do if their parents don't have the means to support them! I did, I had £1500 a year from my parents which was great but not enough. So I got a job, and budgeted! I don't understand the idea that parents should fund their adult children at university if the children can get a job.

BarbarianMum · 01/06/2014 20:13

It's not just about paying bills though, is it. It's about paying bills for someone who doesn't know what they've signed up for, or what they are getting in return with no bill in sight. Could be the housemate's calls to a foreign land or a chatline habit or anything.

It would annoy me if my ds just expected me to hand over cash with no explanation.

EatDessertFirst · 01/06/2014 20:14

Bit Hmm at this. Surely he should be paying his own way by now? Even a part-time job to top up any allowance wouldn't do any damage to his studies as well as giving him valuable experience that employers will look for. I'd definately want to see bills before forking out any cash.

(BTW I worked full time while at uni as my mum wasn't able to pay my bills so I could have a skewed perception of this. Apologies).

Lilaclily · 01/06/2014 20:15

I don't understand the posters saying you shouldn't be paying his bills for him, surely if he is a student, you are paying his maintenance

Well most people give a certain amount a month & the student sorts the bills from this

I had a student loan so paid all my bills from that

PrincessBabyCat · 01/06/2014 20:15

Some parents would rather their children focus on school instead of splitting their time between a job and studies. My parents did it for both me and my brother and we're still out, on our own, managing our own place, and not mooching off them anymore. It doesn't stifle your child or make them permanently depend on you if you choose to help out.

Yes, he needs to learn not to just randomly hand over money, and you should ask to see a copy of the bill as well.

If him and his flat mate are being honest, this won't be a problem for either of them.

Lilaclily · 01/06/2014 20:16

How did you work full time & go to seminars & lectures?

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